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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want one lie in a year - on my birthday??

90 replies

LadyWithNoManors · 25/04/2011 07:55

It's my birthday, as if being one year older isn't depressing enough I also had to get up with DC's at 7am as DP was snoring away.
I asked him last night if i could have a lie in and he said no as he had to go to work every day and I'm a SAHM. I get up earlier than him every day btw!
It not even as if I was talking of a mammoth session. My parents are coming at 10am so it would only have been until 8am.
Grrr what a dick!

OP posts:
ben5 · 25/04/2011 07:57

Happy birthday.
YANBU hope you made lots of noise and he has given you a wonderful present to make up for this

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 25/04/2011 07:57

YANBU. He'd better spoil you rotten for the rest of the day.

Happy Birthday :)

Bringonthegoat · 25/04/2011 07:58

YANBU to want a lie in - YABU not to deal with the imbalance in your relationship.
Happy birthday, have a Brew and a [bbiscuit] on me x

supergreenuk · 25/04/2011 07:59

I am a SAHM too and I get up every morning even at the weekend so never get a lay in ever so am am totally on your side that on your birthday of all things it's only fair you get a lay in.

supergreenuk · 25/04/2011 08:03

Having said that in DH defence he offers and occasionally I have taken him up on the offer. That may happen more often when DC 2 arrives.

CadleCrap · 25/04/2011 08:19

Happy birthday - YANBU however your DH is a knob

NinkyNonker · 25/04/2011 08:22

Yanbu, at all. All lie ins should be split, with special days like b days an exception.

Send the kids up to leap on him.

Seriously selfish.

Flisspaps · 25/04/2011 08:29

YANBU. Never mind sending the kids up to leap on him, I'd be up there bouncing on the bed.

Seriously, you need to get that sorted out. Don't ask for a lie in next time you want one, TELL him you're having one. And have at least one weekend lie in each. What a selfish arse (even if he is wonderful and kind and caring in every other possible way)

BigSooz · 25/04/2011 08:34

What a miserable bastard.

OrangeBernard · 25/04/2011 08:36

What a shithead

dreamingbohemian · 25/04/2011 09:34

Er, your DH is a dick. YANBU.

Happy Birthday!!

TheSkiingGardener · 25/04/2011 09:38

YABU for accepting his nobbish attitude. He works 40/50/60'hours a week? Then do the same yourself. Ask him who is caring for his DC's outside of your working hours?

Should be shared really. And that means sharing the lie ins too.

ScroobiousPip · 25/04/2011 09:57

He is B utterly U. But how did it get to this stage where your 'D'H doesn't think the hours you put in are as valuable as his work?

When I was a SAHM, lie ins and time off were split evenly, as was all housework - my job at home was to look after DS while DH was at work. Both jobs were equal.

maighdlin · 25/04/2011 12:51

what a dick!! Happy Birthday I hope you get a non self important DH.

Ephiny · 25/04/2011 15:36

He's being very unreasonable. So he has to get up to go to work on weekdays - well, he'd have to get up a fair bit earlier if he had to get the kids ready and take them to nursery every morning before he went to work, which is what he'd have to do if he didn't have the convenience of a wife taking care of all that for him!

DialsMavis · 25/04/2011 15:51

Happy Birthday! I hope your day has improved Smile. Please don't live like a 1950's stepford wife (unless you want to that is). You must have missed the memo that said we don't need to do that anymore, or if we do maybe there is a problem in our relationship or with our twatty husbands!

pozzled · 25/04/2011 15:59

Happy Birthday!

You definitely need to have some serious talk with your DP. The way I see it, a SAHP should be doing the same working hours (+commuting time) as the WOHP. Anything after that is split equally. So, he has to get up for work mon-fri, you get up for the kids. You then each get a lie-in at the weekend. It sounds as though he is under some illusions as to what you do every day, if he sees himself as 'working' but not you. Perhaps you could take a long weekend away sometime leaving him to do your work?

TethersEnd · 25/04/2011 16:03

Happy Birthday.

Now go out and buy yourself a new DP Smile

Although i am baffled as to why you agreed to him having a lie in on your birthday Hmm

How did that conversation go, exactly?

Dozer · 25/04/2011 16:35

Yabu, you are being a martyr and, as others have said, need to address the imbalance of labour at home with your dp. All lie-ins, time to self etc should be split equally.

Dozer · 25/04/2011 16:36

Yabu, you are being a martyr and, as others have said, need to address the imbalance of labour at home with your dp. All lie-ins, time to self etc should be split equally.

It is not the 1950s.

LoveACuppaTea · 25/04/2011 16:44

I think YABU.

He has to go to work so you can stay at home. So does my DH and I am grateful everyday for him.

PrincessScrumpy · 25/04/2011 16:59

DH and I usually share lie ins and take turns at week ends. I'm pg at the mo so am getting far more than my share of lie ins but I make sure dh knows I appreciate it.

"grateful" that your dh goes to work?! I find it a ridiculous word to use. The two of you are equals and being a SAHM makes you no less a person. I'm expecting twins and have one dd (3) and so I will not be able to afford childcare (it'll be more than my salary). DH and I spoke about me being a SAHM as I needed to know his feelings (previously I've always worked). Thank goodness dh has a good attitude saying his work is in the office and as a SAHM my work will be raising the kids when he's not around. He sees it as a full time job and still plans to share housework. His only requirement is a cooked meal each day which I do anyway as I love cooking.

Dozer · 25/04/2011 18:27

"grateful"?! Hope he's also grateful to you for staying home so that he can go to work!

pozzled · 25/04/2011 18:30

"He has to go to work so you can stay at home. So does my DH and I am grateful everyday for him."

Now, I would fully agree with you if the OP was at home with her feet up everyday, or spending the day having spa treatments and doing lunch while the DH worked. I don't know of any households where that happens. I do, however, know of many households where the SAHP works a lot harder than the WOHP because they end up doing nearly all the childcare/housework etc. It sounds as though the OP has the latter situation.

TheVisitor · 25/04/2011 18:32

Happy Birthday. I would have physically removed him from the bed.