to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

[RubyGrace17]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

Do you knowing they have registered the name yet?

Argh stupid word replacement. Meant to say 'Do you know if' not knowing

Unleash hell and let loose the MIL!!!
Act fast before its too late.
Add your voice too, it must be said. A simple "Please dont use the same name as our daughter. Its going to be very odd for the grandparents, for us, for school and for the girls Please I beg you"
Just say it to both of them.
It has to be sorted out as otherwise both little girls will be treated as an oddity throughout their childhoods - especially at school. Other kids wont know or understand that its the crazy inlaws fault.
I still marvel and laugh about having 4 "Claires" in my class at primary school in the 80's.
If it dosent work and they stick with the name - never use it, use one of those other nicknames the clever mumsnetters have come up with above.

This would interest me - I'd want to know how they rationalised it.
But ultimately it doesn't matter - it's a name!

Pity them for being a bit daft and get on with life.

I meant they were being ridiculous, not you BTW! If it was a common name it wouldn't be as bad I don't think.

Quite a few of ours have the same middle name as well, like lovebendicks it is just the 'done' thing, so I just don't get the fuss.

DS2's name is Charles John, the same as one of his uncles and one cousin. We call him Chick, which was the nickname of one of my uncles who was also a Charles John. DS1 also has a family name though his is a blend of DH's family and mine (which also happened to have a bunch of crossovers).

From my perspective I just don't see it as a problem, they are all individuals regardless of the name. If SIL loves Isabelle Eve then that is the name they should use, you and MIL will just have to get over it.

Are you sure it's not a windup?

Else, I agree with Prunhilda.

Odd behaviour, let MIL convey your concerns, perhaps, (politely), but definitely not worth having a huge family rift over.

Here it would be the same as lovebendicks has described (dp has 4 nephews all called Antonio C.....) but in a culture where it's not the norm it is odd I agree.
I'd just be thankful I got in there first tbh. It's not worth making a fuss and falling out over, their child will forever be the "second" Isabelle after all!

It is very very weird!
If I were you, I would have to mention it and say something, just to understand the reasons behind it, but I wouldnt want to be confrontational (and it sounds like your DH doesnt either)
Could you call her and and just say rreally nicely and casually 'quite a few people have asked me how come your DD is named exactly the same as my DD. I must admit I am curious too... I know its a lovely name!! but just wondered if you had other reasons too why you chose the same one as well?'
Perhaps then use the converstaion as an opportyunity to say 'shall we call your Isabelle Issy to avoid too much confusion do you think?' and hope she gets the idea that at least the nickname shoudl be different!!

YANBU

i have 'reserved' my favourite boys name from my sister since i was about 16.

Im now 30 and expecting my first... i still LOVE this name and its high on my wish list, OH doesnt especially like it, so if a boy probably wont have that name anyway. (sis has no children so no real issue anyway)

i would NEVER choose a name that my sister of OH's sibling had chosen for their children. (and will expect them to choose a different name to our children when the time comes)
we are also stearing clear of (first) names that our parents / siblings / aunts / uncles have etc as when there are so many names to choose, its just easier for people to be called different names.

BIL's dog has one of my all time favourite girls names, so that name is crossed off too!

Actually I would make a huge fuss - which is not like me but this is terrible behaviour and I would be inclined to tell sil exactly what you think. You may then actually get to know what she is thinking because as I said below itr's the why that is the interesting thing.

Could you send a Congratulations card?

To BIL and SIL, Congratulations on the arrival of Isabelle Eva, such a beautiful and original name. With love from Ruby, DH, DD1, DD2 and Isabella Eve.

And let MIL rip.

YANBU to be upset. But, YABU if you don't raise how you feel with your SIL. If you don't raise it now, then you really need to be prepared to let bygones be bygones. You'll have no right to raise it as an issue later.

I think both you are being a bit of a wuss not to raise it yourself with SIL, tbh, if it upsets you as much as you say it does.

Someone said below that humour's your only option.
Look at it this way: you've been given a gift - if you kind of dislike them anyway, you've got all sorts of opportunities for a bit of passive aggressive fun

Everyone's saying that they would "have to say something" and NL's said up that she'd make a huge fuss but what's the point? If BIL and SIL have decided upon this name they will know all too well the similarity and that it's likely to cause an issue. They've surely decided already that they will call their child the name regardless - it's not as if the OP is going to be likely to change their decision. Sure, it's weird, but they're adults, arguably they shouldn't be expected not to call their DD a particular name because SIL doesn't want them to.

Apart from NL, to those who would "say something" without making a huge fuss what would you all say? Because all I can see is a high chance of the OP being told to sod off and mind her own.

And before you all jump up and down at me I'm not saying that the OP should (be told to sod off, I have no particular opinon either way, but that I can well imagine that it might happen.

I'd be tempted to send one of those "100,000 top baby names" books through their letter box. Seriously, so many names out there, it isn't difficult to pick something different!!

I would get get your DH to phone his brother.

Just get DH to be honest and say you are both a bit concerned as it will be very for everyone in the family. There will be 2 girls of the same age with the same name. They may not have actually thought the whole thing through i.e. being in the same class etc. Point out that their DD with without doubt be called something like Bella 2 or Baby Belle Little Bella by the family for the rest of her life.

Just see what the brother says and take it form there.

You cannot force them to change her name, but then again they cannot force you to call her Bella.

Variants of Isabel and Eve are very popular, so you could understand this happening by coincidence to total strangers but otherwise it's so weird! It's almost more perverse that they've made small adjustments to your DD's name, than if they'd outright copied it.

YADNBU. Activate the MIL.

Thank you all for your replies- it's really helped to hear from everyone and get different perspectives.

Obviously it is too late now for anything to change as the baby is here and they've chosen her name- I would never expect them to change it! However, since I am so upset about it and you have (mainly) assured me I am not completely crazy, DH is going to speak about it to BIL to try to find out reasoning behind it and perhaps reach a conclusion of sorts dependent upon reasoning.

We are all going to PILs for Easter lunch this afternoon and this morning, BIL is bringing DN round for an easter egg hunt with my girls in the garden which we have been doing since my DD1 was old enough to take part. SIL isn't coming but also didn't come last year either so it isn't unusual. She understandably wants be at home with new little one for a while one one one with DD1 here having a nice time. Anyway, BIL isn't here yet but DH is going to bring it up when he comes over and hopefully we'll reach some sort of resolution. I'll be in the house but I'm busy with the littlest one so I probably won't be there when he says as DH seems to think it'd "be better coming from him".

SIL will be at lunch later on and I so don't want to create tension by having DH bring this up today but I feel the longer it is left, the worse it'll become! Thank you for giving me the courage to convince DH to bring it up with BIL. :)
I will keep you updated!

Ruby

I'd probably pop round with a really nice gift and spend the entire time calling the new baby 'the copy' or 'mark two' and if challenge say 'its what everyone is saying'.

I would not allow my DD to be referred to as 'big' it would always be corrected to 'the original and the best'.

It is very passive aggressive and would get the point across though it would be better to have a sensible conversation really but I do have family members incapable of doing that and this works well with them.

I know a lot of people are saying the admin side will be o.k - it may not be. We have an unusual surname and a very distance branch of family live in the area. One of them is an old lady with a Christian name starting with same letter - not the same name as my oldest - there about 60 years apart and obviously different address- the GP has managed to mix the notes up. Apparently our five year old name sounded more like an old ladies.

We have also had the birth date for our sons son application - mangled by the admin for that.

It would probably be more o.k if you were in different parts of the UK - no shared GP and no same school districts.

Do not,do not, do not, do not allow anyone to call your dd big bella.

Under Any Circumstances.

Not read the thread yet so I hope it's a wind up but if not:

1. YADDDNBU
2. Apologies if this has been mentioned but someone should point out regardless of your DD being Isabella Eve, which is a lovely combination, Isabelle Eva - is a believer?

Well if the name is registered and you are resigned - being aware of any problems with the schools or GP is the best protection. I am sure you'll all find way to work round it and think of it as normal soon.

I am surprised you want a reason from them though - if they are upset with you are the actually going to admit it and if they do is there really any more you can do about it than you already are? You could just assume you taste is so good that had to copy.

Can I make a suggestion - although I do think your sil is plain bonkers but if they loved both of those names then there isn't that much you can do about it. However from an admin pov I would very much suggest to bil that if they are insistent on keeping those names perhaps they would consider swapping it to Eva Isabelle to keep the confusion down. If they then decide to call her Belle then so be it, if they want to keep the names then at least there is some point of difference.

I too think it is creepy, but perhaps they really had set their mind on those names at the start of the pg and you came along and called your dd those names 4 months before. It happened to me and dh as sil chose a name that we really wanted, subsequently they changed it but by then we had knocked it out of the equation.

Oh and a definite no to "big bella" and "little bella" for either of them, that is years of eating disorders in their futures if that is the case!