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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

460 replies

RubyGrace17 · 23/04/2011 19:32

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

OP posts:
southofthethames · 24/04/2011 03:41

Ruby - yes, getting your DH to speak to his brother is probably the best first step. If that doesn't get anywhere, then your MIL. I know you can both like the same first name, but the second name also? In that combination? Utterly weird. And the fact that they didn't say anything when your daughter was named, very odd.

CheerfulYank · 24/04/2011 04:04

It's just stupid. If they're handing out presents at Christmastime "Oh this is for Bella...I think Little Bella...." Daft.

Morloth · 24/04/2011 04:11

YABU, we have lots of repeated names in our family, got Big Charlie, Little Charlie, Blue Charlie (has red hair) etc.

It's fine, everyone knows who is meant.

CheerfulYank · 24/04/2011 04:30

But pretty much the exact same first, middle, and last name? Confused

EttiKetti · 24/04/2011 04:46

How did you stop yourself testing back to say Huh? That's practically dds name?

foreverondiet · 24/04/2011 04:59

It is odd, although one of my friends called her daughter after her husbands late grandmother even though her niece (sister's daughter) already had that name. But thats different as in my friends case - family reason, different middle names, different surname, different ages and they lived in different cities.

If it was me I'd be p*ssed off and would probably make DH call his brother to a) express how upset I was and
b) to explain that I would have no choice but to change the nickname to Issy / Evie (ie call her by her middle name etc etc) - and
c) seek assurances that they would not copy the new nickname, AND
d) that I'd always remember they'd copied our name.

twooter · 24/04/2011 06:27

I would just get all your family to refer to the new baby as isobelle, all the time, right from the start. Then at least sil can keep her name, but there won't be mixing up. If sil wants to use the nn, then fair enough, but you and mil don't have to.

HipHopOpotomus · 24/04/2011 06:33

You did text back " you're Fucking kidding right, what's the real name!". Guess not. Seriously though why say to MIL you don't mind when clearly you do?

HipHopOpotomus · 24/04/2011 06:37

If you/DP don't want to deal with this yourselves, you've got great opp to set MIL on the case - let her go for it!

seeker · 24/04/2011 06:38

Ring her up and say "I've only just realized that your Isobelle has the same middle name as ours - did you know that ours has Eve too? Locky it's not too late for you to change!"

BalloonSlayer · 24/04/2011 06:47

The first thing that always pops into my mind with threads like these is that the SIL is planning to detatch her family from the rest of you, so it will not be be an issue for her very long.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 24/04/2011 06:48

YANBU....that is so bizarre! I would insist your DH talks to his family and changes it. How pathetic of BIL and SIL. The to girls can't have their own identities..... Why on earth would they do it..... Make them change it before they register he birth. Still shocked!

mummytime · 24/04/2011 07:04

I know one family where two little girls (cousins) have the same (unusual) first name and same surname. I know why one choose that first name, I'm not sure about the other. So far they have been to the same school, but different classes. The only reason they will not be at the same senior school is because one didn't get in. I have never seen the mothers speak to each other btw.

Bigleaf · 24/04/2011 07:10

You did text back " you're Fucking kidding right, what's the real name!". Guess not. Seriously though why say to MIL you don't mind when clearly you do?

My Dh did that to a friend - replied "yeah, whatever" to the announcement of the name, and then found out it was serious. To be fair, the name is absurd but even so.......

Barmcake · 24/04/2011 07:20

OMFG I would be furious and I think I would have had to say something, then again I have been accused of being as blunt as spade in the past Blush

Dh and I went out of our way to pick a name that was totally different to anything any of our families had, I come from quite a large family, lots of aunts, uncles and cousins, 2nd cousins etc. I wanted something different cos when I went to primary school there were 3 other girls with the same first name in the same class, very confusing for all of us.

I would let MIL have her say to SIL, you never know it might just clear the air with sil

good luck

onadietcokebreak · 24/04/2011 07:40

I would be having a conversation with her and if her continued to call her by bella I would only ever call her Isabelle

Juicyolive · 24/04/2011 07:42

YANBU of course for all the reasons already discussed.

I think you say in your Op that it's their second DD so if it was THE name, surely they would have given it to Dd1.

Did you and SIL discuss names as you were pregnant together? If so, and if she brought it up first, then maybe she feels she "owns" it.

I definitely think you or Dh should confront them. If you want it to be less emotional why not use some of the practical arguments given on this thread.

greencaveman · 24/04/2011 07:45

YANBU.

But don't worry, it sounds like your MIL will have words soon so you won't have to. Your DD is the eldest of the same name children so BIL and SIL look very silly.

Longtalljosie · 24/04/2011 07:47

I think the only weapon available to you is mockery. Is there some way in which you can get it back them that you think it's hilarious? People can dig their heels in if they think you're upset, but if you think they're ridiculous (which they assuredly are being) they may have second thoughts?

BradfordMum · 24/04/2011 08:03

Just call your neice Baby Belle

ajandjjmum · 24/04/2011 08:10

OP - very odd - I'd definitely let MIL have her say!

namechanger - I'm sure your Aunt's son would have discussed the name with his mum, and considered it a tribute.

Lovebendicks · 24/04/2011 08:21

Ok different perspective I come from a culture where it's traditional to name children after their grandparents, so we have 4 Julie's, 5 David's etc. Some of whom have same surnames. It works fine we have big Julie little Julie green etc. We also have one David David. It's only a big deal if you let it be. The only time children are not named this way is if a sibling has died in which case child is named after the dead sibling.

LynetteScavo · 24/04/2011 08:23

Lovebendicks, with all respect, that all just sounds so wrong to me.

twilight3 · 24/04/2011 08:33

lovebendicks, greek by any chance?

OP, I see why it's weird that they chose to do this, but i trully cannot see why it bothers you... maybe I'm weird. They have the same name, so what?

Lovebendicks · 24/04/2011 08:39

Twilight yes I am!

Lynette that's why I made it clear was a culture thing, what's wrong to one person may be right to another. & I didnt say it wasn't confusing just that it's not a problem.