to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

[RubyGrace17]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

My mother and grandmother (her mother) have the same name . I never understood why.

I am totally on OP's side on this one but now have a sinking feeling that I have been guilty of the same as OP's SIL.

I named my DD2 Kate and my first cousin already had a DD called Katie. They are two years apart in age. It ever even occurred to me at the time, I had told my mum my favourite names (including Kate) and she never put me off it even though she already had a great niece already called Katie. It means my grandmother has two great granddaughters called similar names. I live on the other side of the world to my cousin so we only see each other every few years and the girls will not grow up together (sadly). We have different surnames.

On a scale of 1-10 how bad form is this? Apologies for thread hijack...

why did they not just call her bella - that would have been bad enough yes but at least the girls would have been able to have separate IDs when they were older and the different initials would have helped a lot in distinguishing between them - TBH I dont even agree with people who give twins very samey names eg Lizzie and Lucy, or emma and Emily, or give all of their kids the same initials

I find the whole thing very sad because for whatever reason, they have decided that their right to have whatever name they choose for their child actually comes over and above their childs happiness - how can they NOT see that this will cause unnecessary confusion, ridicule and resentment.

Hoover, IMO thats very different. I expect they have different middle names,if not surnames too, and even had you both wanted katherine, one could have had c and one K - and gone for the different nicknames of Kate/Katie - the fact that they live miles apart and are not at the same school etc,or visiting GPs together on a regular basis is also hugely significant - had you been living in each otehrs pockets you would most likely have picked another name, no?

or give all of their kids the same initials

My FIL family did this with an usual surname. They all live in same town and all work in trades with some cross over. So the get a lot of phone calls about work from the public who often do not listen - so they have a laugh about it and take the work details down for each other.

Bizarrely they have never had any official problems with the name - perhaps because they are all so well known or because the admin people they have encountered are competent.

YADNBU.We have a Felicity Faith and it's like my brother calling his daughter Felicia Fay.Not exactly the same,but too damn near.

On the upside though, thinking about it Isabelle Eva is a crap name. As someone mentioned upthread, if ou say both names together it sounds like you're saying "Is a believer". So, they're going to tell people the baby's name, and people will back away, thinking that they're religious fundamentalist nutnuts. Then once that is exlained, if it comes up that they entirely stole your name as well, they'll look like double fruit loops.

Isabella Eve on the other hand is gorgeous. I feel sorry for her cousin.

ashamed yes diff middle and last names, neither are Katherine. Both just their given names of Kate/Katie.

I do think this whole situation is exacerbated by the fact that both little girls have an identical surname, are likely to see each other weekly (or more), will be in the same school year and live locally so may well end up in the same class.

Although people have said that 'official' bodies won't have any problem distinguishing between Isabella Eve Bloggs and Isabelle Eva Bloggs, the assessment/admin/clubs side of primary school is likely to trip up more than once or twice because children are generally organised by year group and then by name. The two cousins will be adjacent to one another on all the registers etc. and errors will occur... rather embarrassingly I (as assessment co-ordinator) managed to 'sort' recent assessment data for my school alphabetically by surname, not realising that the twins in one of the year groups had incredibly similar names (think Anna and Annie!) and caused great confusion. I suppose it mightn't be so likely to happen if the school they are likely to go to has two classes per year group (but you'll need to be ahead of the game and beg the Head to put the cousins in different classes).

I would be fuming, I love the names adam and daniel but wouldn't dream of using them as my SIL's boys are called that, i know names aren't patented, but ffs!

How did lunch go OP?

YANBU. How strange for them to pick an almost identical name, weird.

Although people have said that 'official' bodies won't have any problem distinguishing between Isabella Eve Bloggs and Isabelle Eva Bloggs, the assessment/admin/clubs side of primary school is likely to trip up more than once or twice because children are generally organised by year group and then by name.

I speak as someone was one of Anna Smith and Annabel Smith at school. No problem in the 2 form primary but in the large comp there were classes that only had space for one A Smith as someone had decided there couldn't be two of them! It happened repeatedly. And a relative of mine is known as the same name as someone who lives on the same road - but completely different date of birth - and their medical records at GPs and two hospitals are have been confused on more than one occasion.

Yes - How was lunch OP?

I have the same first and middle name (coincidentally) as my SIL (my DH's sister). Obviously we didnt know each other until we were much older and I met DH.
When I married DH we also had the same surname!

A few years back I was having trouble with my credit rating and couldnt understand why, so requested a report from Experian I think it was and there were several credit cards and things on my report that belonged to SIL!
They had got us muddled up due to same full name and the link of the in laws between us. It could have messed up me being able to get a mortgage if we hadnt got it sorted out!!

Have been lurking on this thread op, but am dying to know how it went with your SIL at lunch.

I think YAB entirely reasonable. It is very weird. Like you said, fine if it's a friend/neighbour/distant cousin, but for immediate cousins in day to day contact it's just, well, almost creepy.

If we have another baby in future, we are discounting all H names, as DD's cousins have D and H initials (DD's name begins with D). Although all our favourite boys names begin with H, we think it will just be too weird to have two sets of two siblings with the same initials.

Hope it went well today anyway

Looking at the other details you have supplied about your SIL, I think the name did not come about by accident. I think your MIL knows this which is why she has reacted as she has; both the men sound like they will keep their heads down and try and avoid the issue this thus creating a female confrontation within the family. I assume therefore it is about power and your SIL's perceived place in the family female hierarchy, and by extension her daughter's place within it as well.

Even if, even if she'd thought of the name first, and thinks you "stole" it, surely, SURELY she should have run it by you first? You know, to say, "look I know they're very similar, but would you mind?"
But then, she's clearly very strange, because I cannot for the life of me understand how she ever thought this idea was a go-er.
And why has no-one reacted when they've been told? You know, chin on chest and "you're calling her WHAT? Are you having a laugh?"

Yes, OP has said of her BIL "He is one for a quiet life though" - it looks to me as if the SIL is forcing a situation where her husband will have to take sides, either agreeing with her or the rest of his family. If that is the case, it will not suit her that reaction has been muted by the OP (asking MIL to not raise it) to date. Which makes you wonder what she'll do next.

I agree with Miggsie. This is much more than a coincidence and your sil is being very controlling, IMO.

I would confront it head on, with the excellent arguments above, if you du and bil don't resolve it between them (though hopefully they will, bit wet of hem if they don't mange it.)

Please don't be all nicey-nicey with your sil when you next see her - she is betting on the fact that you are a friendly and unconfrontational person. But I think you owe it to Bella (the original and best) to fight her corner.

Given it's unlikely that the deed has been done at the Registry Office, I'd go with Pixieonthemoor and let seething granny at 'em.

Otherwise please take it from one who knows and start calling your tiny cutie pie 'Izzy' as there's far too many (albeit gorgeous) labradors around called Bella for my liking...

BTW, you get a year to change whatever you signed your DC up for at the RO.

Isabelle Eva sounds a bit like Is a believer.

I think you have the nicer version, Isabella Eve.

I think YANBU at all to be confused by their name choice. Particularly since there has been no approach to you or your DH to "clear" it (yes, I know you don't ever OWN a name but it would be polite given the closeness of the relationship and the fact that the kids will have 'same' first, middle and surnames).

I think it's very rude and ... weird.

People who think there's no danger of confusion just haven't noticed all the cases where medical/credit/legal/other records of people with similar names have been confused, sometimes with very serious consequences - especially on hospital wards, for instance. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it never happens. It does. Hospitals do try to find ways of limiting the risk but human beings are fallible and sometimes make mistakes.

Here you have not only almost identical first and middle names and identical surnames but children of the same extended family, living in the same place, registered in the same place, due to attend the same school and possibly born in the same year (not clear from OP). There are very real dangers of official confusion that could cause serious problems.

My Jack Russell is named Bella [bugrin].

Can't understand why people call their DC one name and then immediately change it to another.

Problem will be solved if you just call your DD Isabella. (Along with the thousands of other Isabellas at the moment)