to be annoyed at SIL naming her baby daughter almost the exact same name as my DD?

[RubyGrace17]

Hi everyone,

I've posted a few times on various topics but this is my first AIBU :) I can't decide who is being unreasonable here, hopefully you can help me decide!

I have three daughters- aged 5, 3 and 4 months. My SIL (DH's Brother's Wife) had her second daughter on Tuesday evening and we are all absolutely delighted for them. However, last night BIL txt DH (and other members of family) to announce baby's name as they hadn't been able to decide up until now. She is named Isabelle Eva- lovely name. The issue is that my DD3 is named Isabella Eve and goes by Bella. Initially I was shocked that she would choose such a similar name, however, I did think she would choose a different variation for a nickname- my own DD is Bella. We went over to visit tonight along with PILs and no, they are calling her Bella too.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed- MIL is infuriated and wanted to "confront" SIL about "copying" and is none too happy at "having 2 GDs with the "same" name" (her words, not mine). I convinced her that wasn't necessary and insisted that she would no doubt choose a different nickname so it wouldn't be an issue. I could understand if it were a family name and she too wanted to honour a family member but neither of these names are.
I am not extremely close to SIL, however, we do get together as an extended family once a week or so and I often look after her little one as she is the same age as my DD2 and we all adore her so the girls do all spend time together. She has never really expressed to me that she particularly likes Bella as a name, nor has she expressed dislike. I know I do not "own" a name but it just strikes me as being quite unreasonable? I don't know- perhaps I'm just hormonal and being silly.
Look forward to your opinions!

Sorry- very long post!

Ruby

'You really don't want their medical records being confused. Then there are school records, as they get older National Insurance and tax, even court records if they ever have the misfortune to get a speeding ticket... so many opportunities for confusion."
This won't happen-how many John smiths do you think there are in every town?

my 2nd son has the exact same name as his dad. They have never been confused on medical records, tax records, or any other records for that matter.

It is a pretty strange thing to do but as you cant claim ownership of a name you are going to just have to suck it up and live with it.

Well I suppose at least you got in their first!

transatlantic. We had to have all of our medical files re-examined as there were mistakes by the gp and the hospitals on each of our files. Our dates of birth were 4, 6 and 8 years apart. It did not make any differance in our case. I had to stop my gp from reading out information from my sisters notes to both myself and my husband because we could see the differant addresses on the file. This does happen, it is being irrational.

it is not being irrational. oops

Call her Isabelle. It's not exactly a mouthful, and it's not disrespectful to the parents to use her actual name.

OP, reading all you've said , the thought has occurred to me ...

Is your SIL trying to isolate her husband from his family so that she can have him all to herself? She doesn't see the need for her own family and she'd rather not have his either?

The naming just looks like a grenade thrown into a crowded room to me.

Jeez what an insensitive muppet! Has she explained herself? Copying in this case is not the most sincere form of flattery.

This isn't so much about your feelings, what about when the two girls grow up together and have to explain to their friends that loon aunty copied other aunty?!

Before the days of our kids, i disclosed the girl's name i would have to my sil , And which i had always loved since a little girl as it was the name of my mum's best friend. At the time She even had the temerity to say it was a little old fashioned - but then she had a little girl and called her it! Gah!

Secondcoming, I knew Isabella and Eve were in the top 10 when I chose them and for me, that wasn't an issue. Had a friend chosen the names, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. It's the fact that the girls are sharing the same surname and nickname and will be spending a lot of time together growing up.

Whereyouleftit- Perhaps there is some truth in what you're saying. I simply cannot understand her overall logic in the way in which she behaves. But I do keep myself right in that I am always pleasant to her and always try to include her. She will have a hard job isolating BIL from the family I think [hope], he and my DH are so close, as is he to his father and mum as well. I can't imgaine him becoming isolated from the family but then again, I can see why you'd suggest this and it's something I will think about. :( The thing is though, she's happy to let DN stay at ours, come on days out, go to MILs etc etc so if she were trying to isolate their little family unit, I don't imagine she would do this? She doesn't come herself approximately 75/80% of the time but she allows DN to so I'm not so sure about that.

Ruby

Jeez what an insensitive muppet! Has she explained herself? Copying in this case is not the most sincere form of flattery.

This isn't so much about your feelings, what about when the two girls grow up together and have to explain to their friends that loon aunty copied other aunty?!

Before the days of our kids, i disclosed the girl's name i would have to my sil , And which i had always loved since a little girl as it was the name of my mum's best friend. At the time She even had the temerity to say it was a little old fashioned - but then she had a little girl and called her it! Gah!

I was so incensed that when i had my ds, I was sorely tempted to call him by the name she claimed was her favourite boy's name. I didn't. It was a shit name anyway.

Foxtrot, that is awful. I think that's worse than what SIL has done! Poor you :( I take it you had to choose another name? I must say, I told nobody my "chosen" names until the babies were born, in the worry that someone would like it upon hearing it and use it. Still, they could still use it even if I had told them, as you found out! :(

Ruby

YADNBU.

That's just plain odd....

I think you are being very kind and restrained to your SIL. I would find it very hard not to let her know I thought her choice was crazy. I think I would start giving her lists when I bought anything e.g. clothes for the children, new bathroom, things for the house with a comment relating to 'just in case she wants to copy that too'.

I would also call her DS her full name not nickname.

Sorry DD!

ruby grace it did smack of that monica/Rachel from Friends scene, although i did let her know unwittingly and naively!

I never discuss names with friends now for that precise reason - which is a shame as i love conversations like that.

I've not actually had a girl as dc1 was ds, but am pg with dc2 now so a girl could be on her way - however, after extensive therapy ;) i am maturely trawling my way through baby name books -stealing other mnetters' kids' names- :o

Good for you :) You'll find just the right beautiful name for your DD (or DS). I love talking about baby names too so not discussing them with friends is hard, I agree! Poor DH has to listen to my favourites. And my mum. She isn't likely to "copy"!
Lots of lovely names on mn, I agree. I love looking through the baby name threads!

Ruby

Maybe (clutching at straws here) your SIL had Isabella with the nn Bella down as 'her' name and feels she's already compromising by changing it to Isabelle. Lots of pretty girls names but perhaps as she only turns up for family occasions 20-25% of the time she feels it won't bother her with both girls being called the same. Maybe the name meant that much to her she's stuck with it even though it comes over as weird. As awkward as it is no one can start calling her DD Issy etc when she's said she's to be called Bella. Bella doesn't make sense though, perhaps the best you can achieve is to convince them that she's called Belle. Big Bella and little Bella is terrible, particularly for 'big' Bella.

It is annoying but I am wondering whether SIL had always wanted an Isabella and felt you "stole" her name.

I felt like that when my own SIL had a baby and named her the name I had planned to call my dd if I had one. We were pg at the same time and she had her baby first. Now, I went on to have a boy so couldn't have used it anyway but in a way that was worse because I felt that she had the dd I had always wanted and called her the name I had always wanted. Btw, I know this was all quite irrational on my part and SIL amd I had not discussed names beforehand but if ds4 had been a girl, I probably would have been tempted to call her the same name or a variation of it as ALL my favourite girl names had been used up by various different relatives over the year.

Transatlantic my cousin and I shared a surname, initial and postcode until we were 18 (lived next door to each other), also same year of birth though not the same date. I was horrified to find that she turned up on my credit report recently - as I have bad credit and hers is excellent It's not that unlikely that there would be mix-ups.

never mind the confusion re medical . imagine the confusion in their personal lives when in their teens . which bella x are you taking to the prom disco , going shopping with . if other parents don't know when inviting kids to birthday parties etc they may think the 2 bella xs are a printing error and just invite 1 but which one .the possibilities are endless and will cause endless heartache and inconvenience etc

your sil need to be made aware of the effect her decision will have on both children

I understand where you're coming from, but she already has a DD and so if it was a name she had always loved and was desperate to use, I'd have thought she would've named DD1 it, before I named my DD3? Perhaps not. I know name tastes change and we had planned to call DD1 Olivia but when she was born, she looked more like Amelia so it does also depend on what baby looks like, maybe her DD1 looked more like her name than she did Isabelle/a. I don't know!

Ruby

My uncle named his dog after my brother, or at least, gave it the same name as a puppy when my bro was about 12 - we then inherited the dog, so had X-boy and X-dog! I dont know whether my bro was ofended at all and at least there were no medical records etc to mix up

I am really surprised that nobody has said anything to her upon hearing it. It's the kind of thing I would blurt out before I even thought about it.

Def not unreasonable. This would annoy the piss out of me. Time to unleash the seething granny!!