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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thing that having child number 5 when living in a small 2 bed flat is unfair to all the children.

390 replies

byanymeans · 21/04/2011 11:32

I totally understand that it is in all honesty none of my business how many kids people choose to have, as long as the parents can provide from them. However I really do find it a bit hard to get my head around how one family of 4 kids 2 adults could fit into a 2 bed flat before but last week they came home with baby number 5. Shock

I just don't get how the parents feel this arrangement of 4 kids (oldest child is 13, some boy some girls) sharing a bed room is healthy. They must have no real play space or personal space. I just don't understand why you would want to bring another child into that? Sad

I feel so sorry for the new couple who live below to as the noise from so many feet run around must drive them mad. I don't think that any one has lasted more the 9 months in the flat bellow for years.

I just don't understand they see nothing wrong this having still more without moving it?s not fair on any of the kids.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 21/04/2011 17:17

I had my own room from the age of 10. I didnt have an ounce of privacy though.

MotherSnacker · 21/04/2011 17:23

Not ideal, but as long as they are loved and looked after they will be ok. I had a miserable childhood with my higher rate taxpayer parents. Money and property are no measure of a persons parenting ability.

maighdlin · 21/04/2011 17:46

I have one DD and a three bed house. I semi joke to DH that i would want another bed room for a second, but thats because i love my dressing room and am v v selfish.

However i wouldn't judge people with lots of kids and small houses. My mum grew up in a two up two down with her 7 siblings, but when they were growing up the children were only in the house for eating and sleeping or weren't well.

Himalaya · 21/04/2011 19:51

Clearly they are overcrowded, by any reasonable measure.

Hence they will be higher up on the priority list for rehousing and hopefully for the kids and parents (and for you, and the other neighboors) they will be rehoused to a more suitable property.

As the OP says this is none of her business, but that doesn't make her observation that this is overcrowding wrong.
I think it is odd so many people are on here are saying 'it's fine, our grandparents did it back in the day, as long as they are happy etc...'

If her neighboor was on here saying 'i have 4 children in a 2 bed room flat am I crazy to be trying to concieve?', or 'i have 5 children and 2 bedrooms should I apply for rehousing?', people would have no problem saying overcrowding is an issue here.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2011 20:08

The OP never mentioned that this couple are living in socialised housing.

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 20:11

Personally, I don't like the idea of children of different genders sharing a bedroom. I understand that in some cases it may be necessary but I certainly would think it completely inappropriate beyond the age of about seven. Sorry if some people are offended by that - I just really, really don't like it so I would say the OP is not BU x

bluehairdye · 21/04/2011 20:14

I can't help feeling sorry for the kids. I was one of three girls crammed into one bedroom in my parents' 3-bed, my brother had the other room. I was academic and stayed up late to do my homework and my younger sister would always complain she couldn't sleep with the lamp on. I wanted privacy to wank explore my body as a teenager. I needed a private space to cry when boys dumped me. There were lots of activities/hobbies I couldn't do because there just wasn't the space for my own things. I moved out at the first opportunity I could and even now I struggle to share my space (DH and I have separate bedrooms as I need my space to be all mine).

Laquitar · 21/04/2011 20:38

The way some people say 'i wouldn't do this to my dcs' sounds like it is abuse. They are not doing something horible to their dcs Hmm. Children love to share rooms. I think it is much harder for the parents. But if they are ok then is not our bussiness.

As for homework, my brother and i did our homework in hotels and restaurants that my parents run. Ditto my dh. Both my brother and my dh went on to have top education and career (i didn't but for other reasons). All of us are very easy going when it comes to sharing space or work with noise around us, or compromise.
Children can ignore noise if they want to.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2011 20:42

Much of the world's population do not have their own bedroom.

My dad and his siblings used to study at the kitchen table, or in the living room after their siblings went to bed. They did not require their own bedroom to do this.

I shared with my sister as our first cousin lived with us.

Later, our Japanese exchange student sister shared the room with us. We were all teens.

We all survived undamaged. Imagine that.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2011 20:42

You poor deprived soul, Laquitar. :o

kerala · 21/04/2011 20:42

YANBU poor kids. Madness to have a fifth.

Fernie3 · 21/04/2011 20:50

Its not ideal to be that crowded. Its true people USED to live like that but people used to do alot of things thay most people wouldnt dream of doing these days.
I have 4 and I cant imagine them all sharing a room now let alone when they are getting to be teenagers!. We currently have a girls room and a boys room (3 bedroom house) but will be moving soon to a house with more bedrooms soon (we fillled in forms at the letting agents today !yay!). What I dont understand is WHY they stay in such a small house? with 5 children and from what it sounds like from the OP they would be getting lots of tax credits surely which could allow them to move somewhere bigger - why stay put?

Serenitysutton · 21/04/2011 20:50

They are overcrowded and that's not pleasant. That's why councils won't house families in properties too small for them, because it's proven to be derimental to a childs development.

I don't understand all this about older generations and the 3rd world. So they lived in poverty, thas hardly enviable? Yes let's all say it's ok because it happened at a time of inadequete housing, higher rates of infant morality, domestic violence, alcohol abuse, iliteracy, shorter life spans and a lower quality of life. Jeez, who'd want to go back to that when they don't have to?
Poor argument IMO.

That said nothing is black and White and there are shades of grey. One of my best friends grew up the eldest of 8 in a 3 or 4 bed (can't remember) parents never claimed a penny, worked all hours, all kids put through uni and a lovlier more supportive family you'd not meet. That said, they had a lot more space than that.

pointydog · 21/04/2011 20:51

5 kids in a run-of-the-mill 2 bed place would be a freakin nightmare. More so as they get into their teens.

2BoysTooLoud · 21/04/2011 20:52

I feel we can't afford more than 2 children/ don't have enough space. Boys will share a room [toddler in our room at mo]. I would not say anything but internally judge. But hey ho - each to their own.

pointydog · 21/04/2011 20:55

And my mum grew up in a small 3 bedroomed semi, 10 kids, 2 parents, but I don't think it's as simple as comparing life today in teh UK with life in 1940s and 50s UK.

Laquitar · 21/04/2011 20:57

Oh i know Expat , no wonder i've turned out like this Grin

lockets · 21/04/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2011 21:02

I'll bet it's a council house, lockets, and you're just doing it to get a bigger places :o.

lockets · 21/04/2011 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 21/04/2011 21:04

The council may not rehouse the family in overcrowded accomadation. They will leave a family in overcrowded housing and say that it is not offically classed as such.

I had a two bedroomed flat. I had a rent book from the council that said the flat was suitable for 7 persons. At the time (I dont know if things have changed), a child under one was not counted as a person and children under five were classed as half a person.

So we could have lived there with say - a baby, two toddlers, me and OH, and two older children. My upstairs neighbour had exactly the same flat, same layout to the last detail and her rent book said she could have NINE persons living there.

They counted the hallway, living room and kitchen as bedrooms.

Serenitysutton · 21/04/2011 21:04

I get that lockets. People don't always buy the biggest house they can afford. Mind you round here a 3 bed terrace costs around 600-650k so it's a fair assumption that people may not be able to afford a 5 bed!

NormanTebbit · 21/04/2011 21:05

I know three families (including us) who have three kids in ( admittedly large tenement) two bed flats. We are mainly professionals, working, who cannot afford a larger house unless we move out of city. I don't think my kids are adversely affected by having to share. They are very close.

By the way Rebecca, I have more room here than in most three bed terraces.

LDNmummy · 21/04/2011 21:06

Awesome post mosschops30, agree with you on this being MN gone mad. Exactly what I was thinking. Stop talking shit people.

StayFr0sty · 21/04/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.