to be upset about OH looking at porn??

[flamingoagogo]

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

I don't think most of the men who watch porn are rapists and abusers. I do think they are in denial about the way they are feeding an industry which contains large numbers of rapists and abusers, though.

Because when he posted what he did - Talk about denial! The women who are ok with porn use always say that their partner would never use morally dubious porn hmm

I posted this-
So all men who look at porn (and women as well I assume) are all peadophiles and rapists. Seriously is that what you believe?

And you asked me where anyone had posted that so I re-posted it to show you. Seriously this is getting tiring now! In case this needs further explanation (which I expect it will going on previous) . . . If someone looks at morally dubious porn (ie child, underage) then they are no better then the people making it so that poster was saying that everyone who looks at porn is a paedo as they are all looking at child porn!

Malificence That's not the meaning that came across

Got to go to work but will pop back later to see what else we are accusing the OPs DH of (and the whole of the male population).

Who is calling Lovers guide Pornography?
It's sexually explicit educational material designed to enahnce sexual pleasure between loving couples ( or solo masturbation) , if all porn was similar to that then nobody would have a problem with it, it shows sexually healthy attitudes and ways to make sex better, mainstream porn is the antithesis of good sex .
A generation of young people are growing up thinking that normal sex involves men ejaculating in womens faces, (in fact ejaculating anywhere except in her vagina) or penetrating a woman's anus then getting her to suck his cock afterwards.
Porn does not promote healthy attitudes towards sex.

penetrating a woman's anus then getting her to suck his cock afterwards.

Eurgh!

FFS! "The whole of the male population".

Can someone please explain to this (woman?) that not all men use porn, why is it so hard for some people to accept that some men just don't?

Does it make it easier to swallow what their partner does? If everybody does it then it can't be that bad.

WHY the Eurgh? That's pretty standard fare for porn these days.
Does the reality make you uncomfortable?

who is accusing the whole of the male population of anything? is someone saying all men watch porn?

Peter makes an excellent point about men ceasing to see women in porn as fully human.

I read once that men who had viewed porn over a long period of time had often started to view more violent images but also they were no longer able to distinguish between women showing pleasure or those showing signs of pain and distress.

PoppyDoolally please tell me your previous post saying its ok for him to watch it to "take the pressure of my 12 week postpartum fanjo" was infact, a joke.

If it wasnt, I really worry what it is going on in the world today.

But you cant take porn that isn't degrading/exploitative etc and then say 'but that's not porn'!

Watching people shag to get off to is watching people shag to get off to. In my book there is a vast range, from the kind of stuff you get in Anne Summers through to the nasty/extreme stuff that of course isn't healthy for anyone, on any level. But you cant lump the two together!

I cant go into this much more as Mr T is sat there convinced I am going to download some nasty pornsite virus by typing the words 'lovers guide'.

I can believe it. These girls are someone's mother or older sister or baby daughter. When the camera stops rolling they go home and make dinner and do the dishes. If these thoughts haven't occured to the men watching then they are viewing these women as objects, not people. Men are bring trained to be aroused by women they can degrade, humiliate, beat and generally treat as objects, not real people. Hardly encouraging for our children.

OP I havent read the whole tread sorry. Have you asked why he watches it? Why are you against it? You say it makes you feel inadiquate but i dont think it has any bearing on you, maybe you should talk to him about this so he can reasure you of this.

To the anti porn brigade
Im not naive and im sure there must be an element of wemen being taken advantange of but to say the whole indusrty degrades women comes accross to me like you are anti porn and have not watched it. If you havent watched it how can you say its all women being degraded for mens benefit?

I googled porn a few weeks back after reading a tread on here and came across 2 women by a pool and a male life gaurd coming over and pleasuring them. No rape, no under age girls, no abuse, no degrading of women.

I'm not anti-porn but have to admit to being at that video.

I went to an Erotic Film Festival whilst living in Barcelona and there were plenty of girls there who were willingly and happily involved in the porn industry. If anything, it was the men that I felt were being exploited on that occasion, as in the men who'd turned up and then pressured by their mates to get up on stage and join in. As most of them couldn't perform.

Though, having watched the video it's clear there are also plenty of women who aren't willingly and happily part of it and are having their boundaries pushed. How you would be expected to tell/know the difference though is impossible. Even with the amateur videos that are supposedly uploaded by couples, I suppose you never really know whether both parties consented to it being on the internet.

As with everything, something consensual has been taken and exploited and distorted to the nth degree and has crossed all kinds of boundaries. All very sad and depressing.

If it's not ok to do something to your girlfriend/next door neighbour then why is it ok to do it or enjoy watching it being done to other women? Are they fair game because they are supposed "sluts, whores, cum-buckets" (lovely language) or because the men recognise these women as some kind of underclass, the lowest of the low, vulnerable, addicts, damaged goods who don't know any better and can be taken advantage of? What about a drug addict, a homeless girl in real life? Would she warrant this treatment? Not pleasant thoughts.

'How you would be expected to tell/know the difference though is impossible. Even with the amateur videos that are supposedly uploaded by couples, I suppose you never really know whether both parties consented to it being on the internet.'

This is exactly the problem IMO.
Even if you only WANT to watch consensual porn, and do not get off on violence or abuse in the least, you can't be certain that what you are watching has been ethically made.
And watching YouPorn is not a solution either - even if no-one is making money out of it, there have still been cases of abusive relationships where a man has filmed a woman and put it online as part of the abuse.

there are probably ethical porn initiatives out there and posters on MN who know about it, but if someone's dh is watching random internet porn the odds are he's watching the mainstream untrustworthy stuff.

It's interesting that the guy who made that documentary hasn't watched any porn since. Article here

Another porn thread

the ones who say oh my DH/DP/OH dont watch/read porn or think they dont are like the ones who say my DH/Dp/DF/OH dont wank!

Im sorry but if a man wants to look at porn let him look at porn, its no big deal, its just a video to him or a mag to him, hes not thinking oooh yeah i wish i was banging that etc etc...

I think because he got to see the real person behind the porn actress persona and it sickened him to watch. If he had never met her and just bought the DVD he probably would have masturbated to that scene he talks about and he's obviously made a moral judgement of himself based on that.

Petra Joy is well known as a female friendly pornographer, she uses couples and performers who choose what kind of sex they have, so that is as close to ethical porn as you are likely to get imho, I have watched one of her films - to see if it really was a different flavour of porn and found it non-coercive, non-abusive and the performers actually looked like they were having a good time, interestingly DH wasn't interested in watching it with me, he doesn't need to view sexually explicit material to be in the mood for sex, he saw about five minutes of a woman getting oral sex then got bored and went to play COD.
It is a world away from what's out there on the net at the click of a mouse.

I know what you mean Cheeky. It's a difficult one. On the one hand, if it makes a DW feel unhappy, I agree the DH should respect those feelings. But if DH said to me that I wasn't allowed to eat chocolate ever again because he didn't want me to get fat, I'm sure I'd have a few sneaky bites when I thought I wasn't going to get caught. I'm sure people will say eating chocolate is nothing like all the appalling exploitation of women in the porn industry but it's about banning someone else from doing something they want to do and expecting them to go along with it. Clearly OP's DH wants to look at porn and by having it banned, he's having to do it secretly. I don't know what the answer is really.

Seth , you seem to have one of the most rational anti porn stances I have seen here :) Can I please ask out of interest what your opinion would be on a porn regulatory body and a drive towards ethical porn? Or because of the (fully admittedly) rank/exploitative stuff, would you prefer an outright ban?

Hope that doesn't come across as confrontation as it is not meant as so, I am genuinely interested :)

Spectacularly missing the point I see Cheeky.
Another defender trying to twist it into women being the "wank police" and trying to stop men enjoying themsleves .

Has even one person said that there is something wrong with a man masturbating?