How much of a say do you allow your dh/dp to have over your work life? DH doesn't want me to work

[yoursayhissay]

just interested in how much of a say you allow your dh/dp to have over your work life?

dh earns a good wage, he is also on a board as well as a ft job, so works more than an average ft job.
doesn't want to cut down on work or go part time.
he often worls late etc

and he thinks I should take his feelings into consideration when I decide what I want to do in the future, not that I should do exactley what he wants but i
I should take his feeling into consideration
and that he should have some say in things

what do you do?

Bonsoir, actually, I see myself as a fulltime parent even though I use childcare. I don't expect anyone to see my parenting role as a 'job'. Children are something I chose to have with my dh and it is my responsibility to raise the children I bore. But it is not a 'job'.

I have a job and it is not being a parent.

In England there is no legal obligation to outsource any part of parenting - parents are allowed to keep the whole job entirely to themselves. But most parents choose to avail themselves of school and many parents choose to use nurseries, tutors, courses etc. All of which are paid for either by parents themselves or by the public purse. The fact that parents are not themselves paid for the job they do doesn't mean it isn't a job (but it does mean that a lot of parents wing it big time because they don't get divested of their job very easily!).

Me too. My children are in school so I'm outsourcing various aspects of their education and care. Me' and dh are the parents though.

Then I suggest you think again, blueshoes, because I suspect, from everything you write on MN, that you are at the very least, a reasonably responsible parent who chooses not to wing it most of the time.

I think it is one of the most dangerous fallacies of our time that parenting is not a job; it is.

Of course, parents are free, to a great extent, to choose how much energy and time and money they invest in parenting. We all know parents who do a good job of parenting and parents who are much less dedicated.

Yes absolutely blueshoes - I am a mummy but its not my job. My job pays a lot better !

Just because a service (childcare, education, housework) is outsourced and the supplier (whether nursery, school, cleaner) is paid for it does not mean it is a job when done by the payer.

Is doing my own housework when I am home a 'job'?

So if everyone chose to do their 'jobs' (by your definition) and potter around at home doing housework or gardening or home ed for themselves or their children, can society still function?

House work is the job of the people that live in the house; if they choose to outsource some or all of it, so be it.

I am either a good parent, or rubbish one, or somewhere in between. Does not make parenting, good or otherwise, a job.

Bonsoir, if you define anything a person does as a job, simply because it can be done to different standards or payable when outsourced, then the term 'job' is meaningless and you can use it for whatever purposes you desire.

Where have I defined anything anyone does as a job? I haven't.

Once a child is in this world, parenting that child is not an option, it is a responsibility and a job.

It is a responsibility. Not a job.

I also said "if you define anything a person does as a job, simply because it can be done to different standards or payable when outsourced', not just anything anyone does.

It's a job, but I think you are hung up on the (erroneous) definition of job as "paid employment".

Responsibility yes; job no.

At a push you could argue that jobs are the things you outsource - formal education, some practical aspects such as getting the family home cleaned and the clothes laundered ...'but being a parent is far more than the sum of a set of various 'jobs' and cannot be defined by terms like 'part time' or 'full time' . You do not go 'off' 'duty'' and even NRPs continue to exert their influence over their child even during the times they arent physically there

I certainly do not consider being a mother a 'job', in fact I think that is a horrible analogy. I do it for love, not money, there is no economic basis for the care of my children whatsoever. I have a job, I work hard, I am good at it, but ultimately I do it for money and if I walked out tomorrow I would leave it behind.

I will never stop being a mother and I don't do it for money, or security or a roof over my head. The 'job' comparison sucks, big time.

Bonsoir, so we have now come full circle and you are back to your original assertion.

Would love to debate (unproductively) but I am on holiday in a different time zone so must really say nighty night.

I don't think being a parent is more than the sum of the jobs involved; the fact that there are a lot of them and that you have a lot of choice shouldn't obscure that fact.

But there is absolutely no necessity for there to be an economic basis to a "job"; that is the erroneous assumption.

Well I do. For me, and my dh there is something more to being a parent than just the sum of a set of tasks. If that's what being a mum is to you then that's cool, but we don't all have to agree with you bonsoir

Well, what does define a 'job' if it isn't work for money? If I am not getting paid for it, I am doing for fun, for love, as a hobby. To earn money I work - getting paid for it is the very definition of a job, to me.

Up to you. No wonder there are so many tragically badly brought up children out there if their parents think they don't have a job to do

Yeah, I am a shite parent as I don't see it in the same light as my job. What a crazeee way to think! I'd be worried if a parent did see being a mum or dad as a job - you only work set hours and can walk out on an employer any time - hardly an atitude that translates to a great parent.

Who said a "job" had fixed hours? There is no definition of "job" that says it must. I repeat: you are using "job" as synonymous with "paid emploment", and that is erroneous.

Well, I don't think it is erroneous. For me, the definition of a job is that you get paid for it.

That is only one usage of the word job, ithaka. A job is a task for which you have responsibility. It is not a hobby, or something you can decide to drop freely.

So you think that if a person uses different terminology to you bonsoir, then their children are at risk of being to use your words 'tragically brought up'. So a parent who takes parenting seriously and responsibly but doesn't view it as a 'job' is therefore according to rules decreed by bonsoir, a crap parent.

Oh dear