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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids

174 replies

goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 18:38

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids every day of the holidays are loading themselves a whole load of trouble and the kids will never be able to know how to amuse themselves?

And I mean everyday for example

mon am swimming,......pm cooking

tues am.... tennis club pm..... fishing

weds am..... golf pm..... walk in the woods

thurs am.......glass painting pm.... dance class

fri....am swimming pm....... karate

When will they ever just ''free play''?

I feel two or three of those would be ok but everyday am and pm????

OP posts:

superdragonmama · 19/04/2011 01:23

oops, bit off topic there, sorry.

Very hands off during holidays here:

skint although we usually find some free stuff around the place
kids very busy during term time so like to chill during breaks, especially easter and half terms - they're old enough to leave now while I'm at work: in the past they went to various (cheap) sports activities, and sometimes they still do: ones run by local authorities round here were cheapest though maybe no longer available with all the cuts. They choose.

Also remember my nephew, then aged about 9, saying one summer to his mother (my sister) who seemed to have organised every minute of every day for the entire holiday, "please can't I just have one day at home not doing anything". (The answer was no!) You can take the arrangements too far sometimes IMHO.

working9while5 · 19/04/2011 06:47

We used to play in a disused warehouse. Two kids died when they fell through the roof, and even before that it was creepy and there were many injuries etc. Not everyone survived 'free play' outside - falls, drownings etc were not at all uncommon. They still happen. There's wrapping kids in cotton wool and due precaution...

working9while5 · 19/04/2011 06:52

Also, despite my 'free range' childhood , I am massively risk averse as an adult. It doesn't always follow that risk-taking relates to childhood holiday play and experiences of 'free range' play may differ. I remember playing in the fields with nostalgia but the warehouse with fear.

Bonsoir · 19/04/2011 07:39

I do use structured activities for 3/4 of the 9 weeks of summer holidays. It's a good opportunity for DD to make rapid progress in swimming/gym/tennis/drawing/whatever, with a specialist teacher. But during the school year her holidays are never longer than a fortnight and she really doesn't seem to want to go to any kind of "lesson" or group activity - she's up to the eyeballs with school. Last week we went on holiday with another family and spent the week wandering around castles, gardens and old villages in a very low key way and the children played Lego/Uno/frisbee. This week all three children are at home and we are doing a mixture of catching up on child-related chores, homework, Passover/DSS1's birthday/Easter cooking and celebrating, interspersed with hanging out at the park and having picnics.

As others have said, there is really nothing intrinsically wrong with structured childcare activities in the holidays - they are often the best option available.

SoupDragon · 19/04/2011 08:21

I rarely book a whole day of stuff for them, let alone whole planned weeks.

However, I do think that, in general, children now are less able to amuse themselves without intervention. They are so used to computer games which are structured and are allowed less freedom than we were as children. WE used to go out and congregate in packs in the park/streets. Now they wouldn't find any other children out - I know because I let mine out to play on our road and a couple of people commented (one that it was nice to see children out and one to say she was pleased to see it as she'd been too afraid to let hers out)

Bonsoir · 19/04/2011 08:25

SoupDragon - I agree that "modern children" appear to have fewer inner resources for playing, for the reasons you describe. Though I was interested to observe my friend's two boys (8 and 6) last week, who are über-urban and used to being in structured activities most of the time. They were very happy to be given more freedom than usual, and behaved a lot better by the day as they gradually relaxed (and so did their mother).

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 19/04/2011 08:42

but this is a bonkers thread.
that much activity would be too much for YOU
it obviously isnt for THEM
whats with the judgy pants?

BUT as I have said they miss time at school because they are tired with after school activites. Sometimes they take a week off to ''get over the tiredness''

to me that is not acceptable if it is to others so be it I suppose.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 19/04/2011 08:57

I know two children who had to take a week off school in March in order to recover from their week's ski-ing holiday during the February half-term...

Chandon · 19/04/2011 09:18

lots of judgey people on here. but really, it depends on how you live, doesn't it?

I have lived in the centre of a massive third world city, in a one bed flat with two little boys. I can tell you, I planned our time out meticulously, and had a fear of holidays, as there was nowhere in walking distance safe and clean enough for them to play.

Now I live in the country, and we have a big garden and a communal football pitch across the road, the weather is nice, so it's easy to let them just get on with it.

But it all depends on circumstances, doesn't it?!

StayFr0sty · 19/04/2011 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 19/04/2011 09:30

Scotish mummy said the activites last and hour

if she had read my posts......blah blah blah

i am fed up now of repeating what i have already said.

I think she over works the kids and then expects everybody to say what a brill mum she is............her kids under acheive at school are constantly tired and whiny have lots of days of with sickness and or tiredness and in my opinion she is doing it wrong.

There I said it.

Some poeple agree some don't.....simples.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 19/04/2011 09:59

...

StayFr0sty · 19/04/2011 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woahthere · 19/04/2011 10:15

I think you are being a bit unreasonable actually. Some parents, I can think of one in particular that is my sister, find parenting hard and not a natural effort at all. My sister likes to be in control, found it very hard to bring her children up and has this constant guilt thing that shes not doing enough. She struggled with depression too. She has a structure to her day, and it helps her. Far worse things in this world to be concerned with than this you know, at least shes making an effort.

usualsuspect · 19/04/2011 10:22

A lot of posts on MN are slagging off other peoples parenting tbf

NormanTebbit · 19/04/2011 12:57

FWIW I don't think there's anything wrong with activities in hols- most of us don't live Famous Five lifestyles and so we try to give them fun and stimulation whether at home or Enjoy A Ball or Pony Club. It's so hard to let chdren out on their own where I live, due to traffic, so we meet in parks, gardens etc.

But I believe strongly children should be allowed to get on with it when with friends or at home. I know children whose time is always measured out by adults, who mediate for them with other children, who are always being taught something, everything is about self improvement and an aspiration to a particular lifestyle.
There's alot to be said for allowing them to hang around in a group and learn to socialise, negotiate, test boundaries outwith the gaze of mummy and daddy.

PumpkinBones · 19/04/2011 13:50

Haven't read the whole thread. But lots depends on the agoe of the children doesn't it? I wouldn't plan activities for a 10 year old like I would a four year old. Living in a small flat with no garden, I am far more likely to plan things to do - if we had a garden, I wouldn't. My children are too little to be packed off with a sandwich, even if we didn't live on a main road, and I feel that I have a responsibility to make sure they get outside and enjoy themselves! And going swimming and making cakes in one day doesn't seem OTT parenting. I also believe that for me personally, working means that I am more likely to organise things, even if it is just trips to the park - I realise this is my own personal guilt, and am making no judgements on anyone else!

PumpkinBones · 19/04/2011 13:50

agoe? AGE!

Dancergirl · 19/04/2011 14:47

I disagree with the 'kids can only play freely if you have a big house/garden'. My kids will often play imaginative/make up games for hours on the floor in their rooms. Their rooms are average sized but even if they were tiny they would still be on the floor playing the same games!

It's about attitude. Letting children get bored so they can think up something to do themselves. Even if a child lives in a mansion with huge grounds, if they've had too much organised for them, they won't be able to amuse themselves even in all that space.

NoelEdmondshair · 19/04/2011 14:58

It's also down to luck. Some people congratulate themselves on their parenting styles when a lot of it is down to the child's nature.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 19/04/2011 15:08

Also depends on your circumstances. My DD is an only and there are no other children in close proximity with whom she can play out. I do tend to 'arrange' something for most days of the holidays, but it is simple things like having a friend round to play, holding the horses for the farrier, a shopping trip etc. To be honest it drives me mad, as when I was growing up there were loads of other children to play out with, and we spent all our days roaming the fields, building dens, collecting firewood for the bonfire. I crave that lifestyle for my DD but it just hasn't happened. I should have bought a house on an estate. Hindsight is a fabulous thing.

I agree that children need to learn to be bored.

StayFr0sty · 19/04/2011 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnonymousBird · 19/04/2011 15:35

I've solved the problem.

Order good weather.

Buy a paddling pool.

You are an "attentive parent" who has "organised an activity".

An activity they need absolutely no help with and will do all day.

refmum · 19/04/2011 15:47

can i order a garden to put paddling pool in

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