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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids

174 replies

goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 18:38

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids every day of the holidays are loading themselves a whole load of trouble and the kids will never be able to know how to amuse themselves?

And I mean everyday for example

mon am swimming,......pm cooking

tues am.... tennis club pm..... fishing

weds am..... golf pm..... walk in the woods

thurs am.......glass painting pm.... dance class

fri....am swimming pm....... karate

When will they ever just ''free play''?

I feel two or three of those would be ok but everyday am and pm????

OP posts:
Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 19:09

If you know these children are over-stimulated and unable to amuse themselves then fair comment. But you don't know that do you?

Yes I do know these children and if I pop over for a coffee for instance they cannot go into the garden and just play.. The mum has to set up a treasure hunt or something so we can have 10 mins chat.....Soon as they have found everything they are back in for another set up activity.

OP posts:
pozzled · 17/04/2011 19:12

OP, YANBU but I do think parents should arrange some activities as well- especially in the summer holidays. As a teacher it always amazes me how many children have never been to a museum or on a bus or a train. And I do find it sad when you talk to children in September and the most exciting event they can name from the holidays is when their friend came over and played on the xbox with them.

My ideal would be lots of free time, especially outside, and a few well-chosen trips/activities, making the most of what's available free.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 19:16

As I said two or three of the things would of been ok but everydau is excessive.

My son and I last week went to the beach.....went swimming........went surfing........played crazy golf...........he had a tennis lesson........took the dog to the woods....visited reles.

But it was all unstructured.....for example in the morning ''what shall we do today?'' Not a list of everything.

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 17/04/2011 19:21

It depends on a lot of factors imo. For example age of children, whether siblings do or don't play together nicely, and also the facilities you have in the house and/or garden if you have one.
We have a small garden and the dcs do potter. However they are quite young (3 and 7) so after an hour or two they are ready for something different.
Some of the activities the op mentioned don't exactly take long. So if you do simple cooking/baking that's only an hour or so. That leaves say another 3 hours of pottering in the morning.
We live very locally to a nearby pond/horse field etc. A structured walk there and back is only an hour. So if we do that one morning then again that's a lot of pottering time left over. :)
A whole day of pottering is too much in our house (for me as well as them!)

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 19:25

children are 7 and 9.

believe me she makes the activity last all morning or all afternoon at least 3 hours on each activity. Where there are classes involved she will book two.

OP posts:
clairefromsteps · 17/04/2011 19:52

OMG, it looks exhausting. And expensive! I did ballet when I was little (until it became evident to everyone involved that we were all wasting our time) and Brownies, and that was it I think. Our Easter holiday schedule involves a lot of slobbing about with books and TV, interspersed with being chucked out into the garden for fresh air and a few trips to the park. Maybe the cinema next week if I can afford/face it.

lljkk · 17/04/2011 19:57

do they not know how to play then? do they not use their imaginations to create games? or dont you allow that kind of thing?

Allow?? Confused.
Of course they use their imagination. They come up with quite cunning and Machiavillian ways to harrass and best each other. Takes a great deal of planning and lateral thinking, I reckon. They are masters at knowing how to wind each other up of observation, too.

QuintEggSentialPaints · 17/04/2011 19:58

Or maybe their kids are like mine. Unless you take them out on something, they will fight, squabble, wreck something, scream and shout and cry, and fry my brain before even 2 hours have passed.

Most weekends is a night mare, and I end up taking most of monday off, as I am so exhausted from them. They are 9 and 5 (nearly 6). Sad

I am beginning to think boarding school is a good idea.

goingmadinthecountry · 17/04/2011 19:59

Well last week my children spent 3 days in school between them, and the older 2 are in all day tomorrow for revision sessions. 8.30 start! My 4 are from 17 down to 7 so days out are a bit hard to organise! If dd3 wants she can come to the health club with me to swim but we tend to wake up and decide a plan for the day over breakfast. We are going to France for the day on Wed though - no idea yet what we'll do there.

Relaxing and doing nothing is definitely popular round here!!

NormanTebbit · 17/04/2011 20:02

Christ I was ready to eBay my three on Friday.

I don't schedule much except maybe a week in summer holidays.

My kids are always tired by the holidays and love the chance to just play, fight and arse about.

Also activities are expensive and I can't afford it for three.

Firawla · 17/04/2011 20:07

if they are all happy with it then i think it's fine. sometimes activities would have to be booked in advance and the mum will feel more organised and children feel secure knowing what the plan is rather than everything last min? but 2 activities per day is a lot, i would probably do one per day and then the other half of the day they can just play. it's good for them to have the opertunities though to do all these different activities sports etc if they enjoy it. as some people mentioned some people do not have garden or much space at home so these activities keep them active

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/04/2011 20:17

Well DD is going to have to be happy with playing with friends when she's old enough, because we won't be able to afford all of these activities.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 20:22

The kids in question look knackered.

They often have a day off school because they are tired.......there evenings are filled up as well after school, with clubs after school and cubs and swimming and football and and and and and more more more

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 17/04/2011 20:26

Yanbu.

Always astounded to receive emails from friends 4 weeks before the holidays start: "can I have your two on the Thursday morning if you have mine on the Monday afternoon?" etc.

My kids spend most of the holidays lolling about amusing themselves with maybe one or two days set aside for some sort of "day trip", possibly in the company of dh if he is around. No way would I have them doing some sort of meaningful activity all day every day.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 17/04/2011 20:27

My mum never did anything with us during the holidays owing to being a single full time working mum, depression and a general loathing of anywhere too 'noisy', 'boisterous' or 'full of children'. I was sooo jealous of those with parents who took them to places and did stuff with them. Or even just took them somewhere in the car and dropped them off then picked them up a couple of hours later. I hated the holidays!

Goblinchild · 17/04/2011 20:34

I'm not playing the 'You are so lucky card' honestly, but I never found a summer scheme or activity or whatever that could cope with DS without me as his interpreter and buffer and guard dog. It's what happens with most SN children.
So we lounged around for a day and went out somewhere on alternate days.
Lots of 1:1 activities that suited us.
DD combined choosing which days she'd come with us with being with friends, or at an activity. Lots of free time, lots of imagination. They stopped fighting with each other at around 10 and 14, a long, slow tail off. They get on beautifully now.

Carrotsandcelery · 17/04/2011 20:45

A very clever friend of mine taught me a handy trick a few years ago.

A few weeks before the holidays she starts a list with her dcs and sticks it up somewhere prominent eg fridge.

As she or the dcs think of something they would like to do in the holidays they add it to the list (the little ones get someone to help obviously).

Then, if the dcs are happy pottering, she lets them potter happily, but if they are unsettled and getting tricky she gets the list out and they head out to do something on the list, or they do something on the list at home.

They never do everything on the list but that is kept for the next list, next holiday.

It works a treat and takes away the, "I don't know what to do..." whine, should it raise it's ugly head, and ends the fights etc too.

Originalposter · 17/04/2011 22:11

Our holidays are so low key that even haircuts, optician, foods shop and dentist are classed as activities Grin

CowgirlHerdingCats · 17/04/2011 22:25

Maybe the DC get on better when they are out of the home environment - mine do. We do have a garden but really crap neighbours - TBH I like to get away from the stress of the neighbours as much as anything.

Despite having stuff to do everyday of the holidays their teachers say the older two DC have very good imaginations - I find it odd it remarked on.

My DH had the classic chuck outside and come back at tea childhood in the 1980s. I did not - if anything I was more in the more rural area. Lots of TV in my childhood holidays - very little to do in an isolated village if not watching tv in room re-reading books. I saw very little of my parents and did not enjoy school holidays very much. I hope my DC have some better memories.

CowgirlHerdingCats · 17/04/2011 22:26

Actually I am classing the dentist visit as an activity but we are going to come back via museum with free activity on and the big park area with stuff going on - making a day of it really.

scaryteacher · 17/04/2011 22:35

Have organised ds this holiday - revision am and pm for his exams!

MilaMae · 17/04/2011 22:42

I think it depends on house/garden/family size.We lived in a teeny house when the dc were tiny.I planned the hols with military precision as we'd have all killed each other if I hadn't. The kids also needed me more and were less able to amuse themselves for long periods of time.Toddlers can drive you bonkers and need more entertaining imvho.

I also think chillin is great as long as the dc aren't sat in front of screens for the entire 2 weeks.To be frank if they are I think they'd be better off timetabled out in the fresh air.

I think the free range,feral thing is sadly more possible for kids living in big houses with big gardens in rural areas. Not all kids are so lucky. Makes me a bit Hmm when people say we just let them run feral in the back garden. Lucky old you that you can. Gardens and houses today are sooo much smaller,there are also more cars on the road.

We live in a lovely area with a lot of lovely free activities so I do say 3 mid week activities which I combine with catching up with friends because I think I'd be bonkers not too eg egg collecting on local farms,pony rides,beaches,forests etc. Last summer they picked ingredients to make their own pizzas at the local farm for a small fee.We also have NT trust membership and a farm membership. I'd be bonkers to deprive the dc of all that in the name of chillin. I do love hanging round the house and playing out the front with mates etc especially now they're old enough to amuse themselves but we need a few days out in order to chill as opposed to kill to be frank Smile.

troisgarcons · 17/04/2011 22:49

*goodbyemrschips Sun 17-Apr-11 18:38:16
to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids every day of the holidays are loading themselves a whole load of trouble and the kids will never be able to know how to amuse themselves?

And I mean everyday for example

mon am swimming,......pm cooking

tues am.... tennis club pm..... fishing

weds am..... golf pm..... walk in the woods

thurs am.......glass painting pm.... dance class

fri....am swimming pm....... karate

When will they ever just ''free play''?*

yeah! cant beat feral street paly

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 22:50

Norman - Freecycle is MUCH better Grin

A1980 · 17/04/2011 22:56

YANBU

Kids need time to stand and stare and just be themselves.

Iused to baby sit some children when I was a teenager and they were at a private prep school and as far as I can see they are at school year round. The school has Summer School and Easter School and it is a proper 8:45-3:30 school day for most of the holidays. it's intended for working parents or for when they need a break, etc. Their mother didn't work but she put her DC's in to Summer School and Easter School every day it was available. So they're never away from school even the holidays.

I felt a little Sad for them. They lived in a beautiful big house with a huge garden. Pity they didn't get to spend much time in it.

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