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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids

174 replies

goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 18:38

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids every day of the holidays are loading themselves a whole load of trouble and the kids will never be able to know how to amuse themselves?

And I mean everyday for example

mon am swimming,......pm cooking

tues am.... tennis club pm..... fishing

weds am..... golf pm..... walk in the woods

thurs am.......glass painting pm.... dance class

fri....am swimming pm....... karate

When will they ever just ''free play''?

I feel two or three of those would be ok but everyday am and pm????

OP posts:
LeQueen · 17/04/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilaMae · 17/04/2011 23:07

"I suggest they tidy their playroom"

That's exactly what I'm talking about.Until you've tried to amuse 3 kids in a 2 up/2 down with a postage stamp sized garden you really have no idea. Some families have no place to chuck their kids out to safely or enough space to play inside happily for hours,not sure they should be judged.

We now live in a much bigger house with a playroom and larger garden(although not huge)believe me it's soooo much easier to give them more freedom to just "be".It's been a complete eye opener.I used to beat myself up for having to "manage" the holidays now I sooo get why I found it harder then.

This is why children's centres provide a lot of things during the holidays as for some the holidays are a real struggle.Families should be supported not sneered at although admittedly the mum the op(with the tennis/golf lessons) was talking about probably didn't need a lot of support.

I think it just needs to be remembered a lot of parents would like to let their kids runrferal and can't. For them organising the holidays means their kids get better quality free time.

Dancergirl · 17/04/2011 23:07

YANBU

My children like nothing better than to have no plans in the holidays and hang around at home. If we're not going out they barely get dressed till lunchtime or later! They love having loads of free time to read/lie in late/go on the trampoline/play endless Polly Pocket games/play 'boarding schools' (no idea!)

The only exception is the (current) Easter holidays when they take part in ballet festivals - all our local ones are March/April time. But even that's only a few half days here and there, the rest of the time and other school holidays I don't arrange much at all.

I also hate the whole making playdates thing months in advance. One of my friends last summer only had TWO days left free in the entire summer holidays! And that was in May! I prefer to see what we feel like doing at the time rather than plan things so far in advance.

Suchffun · 17/04/2011 23:17

I am the annoying mum emailing you two months in advance, sorry all. I have to be organised and know who is working/doing childcare on each day of the holidays as DH and I have irregular work patterns. So by default I have lots of things planned out in advance - e.g. I knew I wanted to catch up with a friend so I had to work out which day that would be and ask her months in advance otherwise it couldn't have happened.

I also ask DC if there are any things they'd like to do in the holidays and we plan those in too (well, plan in the cheap ones, Disneyland is not going to happen!!).

But they do have time to hang around and get bored too, its all about balance isn't it and working out what suits your family best. I'd never get sneery at someone else's holiday routine/non-routine.

oldsilverfabergeegg · 17/04/2011 23:38

I blame the schools myself - DS (5) was sent home with a diary/scrapbook he has to do. So far we have: had duvet day, gone shopping, gone to park, cooking and swimming that was for the week. I just can't wait to see what the competitive parents have come up with Grin

Mind you pre DS I was paid to organise activies, as a senior playworker in a holiday playscheme. We have one craft activity penciled in...

minxofmancunia · 17/04/2011 23:57

YANBU children are completely overscheduled these days, we live in the era cult of the child afterall where we cannot leave them be, expect them to be bored or god forbid allow them to be upset or disappointed Hmm.

I OFFERED fgs OFFERED free childcare to one of dds friends and her older brother on the day i don't work and was turned down as I wouldn't e able to adequately "stimulate and occupy" him Hmm. What they mean is he's a PITA petulant annoying little s**t who'd been overparented from day one and therefore still has tantrums age 7 when he's not in reciept of full on adult attention.

Rockmaiden · 18/04/2011 01:38

We have a great holiday schedule :)

Monday - Spend all day in bed enjoying the first lie in this year (DS will be gagged and duct taped to his bed to ensure lie in is not disturbed.

Tuesday - Kids can play on x-box or watch kids TV until their eyes go square while I enjoy several large glasses of wine and finally get to read sme of the book I started 8 months ago.

Wednesday - Declare that the kids need some fresh air and send them outside no matter what the weather (snowstorms are fun) and promptly lock the door after them so I can enjoy some time on the couch watching crappy daytime TV.

Thursday - Decide to pay a visit to grandparents and then as soon as we walk in declare that I have 'forgotton' to pick something up from town. Nan never minds watching the little one's while I run out for a minute. It's not my fault that the car breaks down and I end up coming back 5 hours later with my hair freshly cut and coloured.

Friday - Send little one's to visit their dad and go back to bed for the day.

sammich · 18/04/2011 01:51

i was thrown out the house and was allowed back for lunch and then dinner (unless it was bbq then i was allowed to come and go for the food) and had to ammuse myself with children who lived round by me its where friendships are made during the school holidays and it didnt hurt me being structured for every minute of the day that would of hurt me and no i didnt have a huge garden either but had to use immagination to use the postage stamp of a front and back garden lol

i work as a nursery manager and can tell the children who are micro managed and they seem to find it very hard to go with the flow in some situations its kind of scary

sunnydelight · 18/04/2011 02:02

YANBU, I think that kids need to learn how to occupy themselves without being constantly managed. We have lots of friends over in the holidays as we don't tend to do many playdates during term time. We are very lucky as there is plenty of space both indoors and out and it's just about still warm enough to swim (by Aussie standards - DD thinks that water temp of 25 is "freezing") so I really don't feel (too) guilty about letting them get on with it. After years of occupying children in small spaces and crap weather this is a doddle!

NoelEdmondshair · 18/04/2011 08:12

Problem is, if I were to "chuck" my daughter out onto the street where we live she'd be on her own because it's not the 60s/70s/80s any more and children don't roam around freely as they did then. Don't know why or when childhood stopped being that way but it is different now.

I've arranged a couple of days to have DD's friends over and now wonder if I've pissed their parents off by doing so but this will give DD and her friends the opportunity to play, make dens, use their imaginations and have fun together.

Don't know why MNetters feel they have to deride other people's parenting but sod it! I'm looking forward to doing lots of fun things with my lovely girl whilst she still wants to do stuff with me Smile

AnonymousBird · 18/04/2011 08:22

SIL has a spreadsheet of activity and venue per child. She is already preparing her summer holiday one. Hmm Shock

I don't know usually what i am doing in an hour, let alone a day, week, month or several month's time.....

My two are exhausted (6 and 5) and enjoying just chilling and going to the playground/local gardens and stuff. And sometimes they get a bit bored, and I have no problem with that at all, but they don't moan about it, just just sit and chill, go outside kick the ball, find a book or have a teddy pancake party. Anything really.

I mean, it's nearly 8.30 and they are still asleep, so clearly they need their rest!! We need to be somewhere to collect something from a friend (this is our only scheduled activity of the whole week!) at around 9.30 and I suspect we will be late! But I'm not worried.

Bonsoir · 18/04/2011 08:26

I think it's fine to do organised activities in the holidays in a moderate sort of way if the holidays are very long, but for a two-week break after the long winter months I would prefer my children to play outside and run around, with perhaps a few days out to the odd castle/garden where they can get a low dose of culture while playing in the ruins.

LoveLeonardCohen · 18/04/2011 08:29

I agree, there is mum at our nursery who arranges clubs every single day after nursery for her DS, and then a double activity on Saturday! It must cost a fortune, obvs she can afford it, but I think it's a bit much! what's wrong with going to the sandpit or the park?!

exoticfruits · 18/04/2011 08:32

I loved doing nothing as a DC.
I remember a friend of the family coming around once with a younger DC and listing all the activities that filled the summer holidays-it made me so grateful for my mother-I hadn't even known that people did this!

Francagoestohollywood · 18/04/2011 08:33

YANBU, but I think it depends on the age and the personality of your children.

For instance, my son (8.5) is really sporty, has lots of energy to burn and is now at an age where he thrives spending lots of time with his peers, therefore he finds it hard to spend a whole day at home.

Dd is 6.5 and started primary this september (we aren't in the UK) and is now quite tired, she wouldn't cope with structured holidays!

nenevomito · 18/04/2011 08:35

YABU - what's it to you if they have lots of stuff planned? Maybe their children enjoy having structure and routine. Some do, you know.

Some of those activities will last an hour or so, leaving plenty of time in between. Maybe their children asked to do those things, so the mum has put in the effort to organise them.

Is this inverted competitive parenting at work? Are we moving from "well my children do x y and z" to being competitive about how little our children do so we can boast, "Oh Emma and Nate have spent the whole hols in PJs building dens out of pasta and bedsheets and free playing."

nikki1978 · 18/04/2011 08:42

I agree babyheave. To be honest OP it sounds like you are really enjoying slagging her off.

Insert1x50p · 18/04/2011 08:42

Massively depends on the child, your house and garden and the age and existence of any siblings.

I spent a lot of my holidays doing "free play" as it is now termed, but I had a sister 1 year younger than me, a massive house and garden and was allowed to play out in the street as much as I wanted. If I'd had no close brothers and sisters and lived in a tiny flat then sports camp might have looked a whole lot more attractive.

Btw- my sister (mid-thirties) is still a massive company junky- hates being on her own/needs "something to do" all the time - so all that free play obviously didn't really change the nature of the beast.

NoelEdmondshair · 18/04/2011 08:43

babyheave - Grin at "inverted competitive parenting", it's exactly what I thought!

usualsuspect · 18/04/2011 08:47

When did it become free play was it about the time the term play date became popular ?

why do people use these ridiculous phrases to describe perfectly normal activities

PavlovtheCat · 18/04/2011 08:52

this is competitive parenting thread by stealth isn't it?

PavlovtheCat · 18/04/2011 08:53

lol, x-posts!

blackeyedsusan · 18/04/2011 09:07

Ha my dd has done more than that... she has been
on several picnics, on a bus, up a mountain, horse riding swimming, to the seaside, on a train, cooking cakes everyday, shopping

(not sure why the horse is green?)

she has also been to africa and into space... all whilst I laze about mning tidy and join in...

oh and all this in a two bed flat.

we have been out into the real world too Grin

sunnydelight · 18/04/2011 09:16

Em, because playdate is shorter to type than "having friends over" and anyone who is pompous enough to call it a "ridiculous term" makes me shudder far more.

NoelEdmondshair · 18/04/2011 09:20

Prize for inverse competitive parenting goes to blackeyedsusan!