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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids

174 replies

goodbyemrschips · 17/04/2011 18:38

to think that parents who arrange activities for their kids every day of the holidays are loading themselves a whole load of trouble and the kids will never be able to know how to amuse themselves?

And I mean everyday for example

mon am swimming,......pm cooking

tues am.... tennis club pm..... fishing

weds am..... golf pm..... walk in the woods

thurs am.......glass painting pm.... dance class

fri....am swimming pm....... karate

When will they ever just ''free play''?

I feel two or three of those would be ok but everyday am and pm????

OP posts:
desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 18/04/2011 11:54

Our youngest does the calendar thing as well!

muminthecity · 18/04/2011 11:57

I'm in two minds really. I do think your example sounds a bit regimented, but on the other hand I don't think it hurts to do something different every day.

I lost my job recently, and while I am looking for a new one, I decided to make the most of the school holidays, as for the first time ever I have been able to spend every day with my DD and have enjoyed every minute of it. I didn't have a schedule of activities but I did have a list in my mind of things I'd like to do with her so it has worked out that we've been out almost every day. Last week we had:

Monday - Trip to the big park with friends

Tuesday - Visit to GPs

Wednesday - Cinema

Thursday - Dsis came to visit and baked cakes with DD

Friday - Funfair

Saturday - Lazy day indoors followed by dinner at friend's house

Sunday - Cousin's birthday party

This week we have:

Monday - Lazy/housework day, DD's friend coming later for sleepover

Tuesday - Trip to the beach

Wednesday - No idea

Thursday - My mum is coming to visit

That's it. So every day has something 'planned' but also plenty of time for DD to play and entertain herself.

LeQueen · 18/04/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilaMae · 18/04/2011 12:09

Because you seem to be the only one saying it's your way or the high way and anybody not doing the same has some kind of a problem.

LeQueen · 18/04/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 18/04/2011 12:25

LeQueen Mon 18-Apr-11 12:18:45
If you're happy with what you do, then that's great.

But that wasn't what you said earlier LeQueen, given you used the word many so you could have a pop at people with a get out of jail free card.

Many people have posted on the thread explaining why their child does or does not do lots of activites without feeling the need to mock others decisions.

I think if you look at the list of activites lots of them were things that could be done in the home and involving one or maybe both parents. Hardly the sign or a parent who does not like spending time with their children. Lots of the activities are not all day events either.

LeQueen · 18/04/2011 12:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 18/04/2011 12:33

It is all very well to say allow the children to be free to wander around my huge house and garden, only stopping to drink lashings of freshly squeezed lemonade if you have the house and garden. Most people have to make the best of what they have. If you have an only child I would imagine that they would love a balance of activities. If you have a tiny house or no garden again you may have no choice but to go out every day.

Watertight · 18/04/2011 12:41

Like most things, I guess, it's about having a balance, isn't it, and doing what works for your kids in your circumstances.

When my girls were younger I guess I usually used to plan to do perhaps one thing a day (although that "thing" could easily just be going to the supermarket/ trip to the library to change their books - not just going to the cinema/ swimming/ to the park for a picnic with friends/ whatever). I guess that, in general, I feel it can be a good to break the day up a bit.

Although it was typical in this house that the day when I'd planned that we'd have a a day at home, they'd fight and bicker and kill each other all day and the next day, when I'd got something special planned that I wouldn't want to cancel, they'd be having a rare moment of playing together beautifully (building the den or whatever) and we'd have to lose the moment to go out and do whatever it was that we'd planned and I'd think "Aaghh! Why couldn't you have played this nicely this yesterday!".

LeQueen · 18/04/2011 12:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nenevomito · 18/04/2011 12:52

goodbyemrschips - Thanks for being so patronising, made my day.

You are right though. I think you should go round to that parents house immediately and let that mum know how unreasonable she's being organising stuff to do with her children. I am sure she will appreciate your parenting advice.

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 18/04/2011 12:54

Because it tastes yummy LeQueen.

LeQueen · 18/04/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 18/04/2011 18:01

oooooo fresh lemon juice............sounds lovely.

babyheave..............I am only expressing an opinion, if you were me and have spent a couple hours with them and saw their total inability to play on their own you to would wonder if all the 'military style' holidays are doing them any good.....................They do not even get themselves a drink, it has to be got for them.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/04/2011 18:36

'I believe that much of this Over Parenting is down to anxiety and a lack of self confidence.'

Maybe they don't have a garden. Maybe they live in a place without much to do and a lot of bad weather. Maybe people should get a life and just mind their own damn business and do what suits them and their children.

Bonsoir · 18/04/2011 18:42

I've kept DSS2 and DD busy in the kitchen all day - Matzoh Ball Soup this afternoon and they're busy peeling asparagus for our dinner right now. I'm enjoying Free Child Labour during school holidays Grin

expatinscotland · 18/04/2011 18:48

Oh, I do the same, Bonsoir, but no Matzoh ball soup (which is delicious!).

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 18/04/2011 18:57

Yum, matza ball soup. I'm making some this evening to take to Passover dinner tomorrow night... can't wait!

expatinscotland · 18/04/2011 19:21

Mmmm. Envy

legalalien · 18/04/2011 19:26

Interesting that no-one has yet mentioned only children. because it's quite a bit harder to sustain the "chill in the garden" thing when you have only one. It's fine for a while, but not as long as it would be with 2 or more I suspect. So you do end up trying to pre-plan say 2 playdates in each week around other people's holidays - as people don't play out in the street where I am in central London. It was much easier when DS was younger, but nowadays I am certainly not as good fun as friends when it comes to puffles / football / hero factory etc etc.

thank goodness he decided to go to football camp for one week this holidays (and is clamouring to go at half term... Grin)

legalalien · 18/04/2011 19:28

x-post desperately - thanks!

legalalien · 18/04/2011 19:29

Mind you, anyone who doesn't stay in their pyjamas until lunchtime on the first working day of the holidays is just wrong Grin. It is Pyjama Day.

working9while5 · 18/04/2011 19:33

What a load of judgemental bollocks from some of you!

I have one ds and he is only 16 months so really, all of this is light years away from me...

BUT

you can't let kids out on the street in many areas, many people don't have a yard, let alone a garden, and as nice as it would be for 3-4 kids to sit in a civilised fashion and read and/or create pretend worlds in a 2-bed house that won't entail their hapless parents cleaning for the entire holiday, it's just not realistic.

Hell, even at 16 months I can see that if you stay in the house all day it creates a lot of mess. I can only imagine what 3 or 4 kids in a house this size would be like.

We were chucked out on the streets/into the fields and it was wondrous and magical etc but where I live, kids don't go hunting frogs or walk for miles across fields pretending the rabbit holes are fairy dens. They have scary looking dogs and they steal trolleys from the supermarket and they spray paint them and sometimes put stuff in them and set it alight.

The timetable in the OP sounds exhausting but I think there's a lot of extrapolations being made about the reasons behind it with not a lot of justification...

colditz · 18/04/2011 19:36

My idea of planning a holiday is ringing my mummy friends and asking if they'd like to meet us.

A planned activity is a trip to the park, or swimming, or giving them some chalk and telling them to decorate our postage stamp scruffy garden.

We do 'Things'. And 'Stuff'. Like "Going To Morrison's And Maybe Buying Some Sweets If You Are Good", or "Going To The Shop For An Icecream", ot "taking A Picnic" (the lunch we would have had anyway) "To The Park.

We also have mornings full of "You Kids Have Trashed My Front Room, Tidy It Properly NoNotJustUnderTheSofa!"

scottishmummy · 18/04/2011 19:45

all depends,if kids like it and activities are available why not
tbh these days there is pethora of stuff on the go,if you have inclination to particiapte.classes only last hour or so anyway so not whole day