AIBU to be disgusted with people who shove their life long dogs out because baby on way

[ohnoudidnt]

My friend who has had their dog for about 8 years,who once was her world has now shoved him to one side, even though he is well behaved,good around the baby etc ...I feel like he has been disgarded.I am in the same situation and my dogs are still part of my family and always will be.

I agree with the OP. THey may be animals but they have feelings. Dogs especially are pack animals and their whole lives revolve around their pack (the family they live with) and their love and instincts to protect their pack. They are as attached to their owners as a child is to his parents.

They will however move on if they go to a new home that is good, but they won't ever forget you.

Saying that I had to give a dog to a friend when we moved abroad. He would go crazy in cars, he was terrified, and I knew he wouldn't cope with a plane and quarrantine. The woman who took him ( co worker) was besotted with him and he seems happy. I still am crying over him though.

Bringonthegoat "I will never get over the look in dog 1's eyes or dog 2 wrapping his paws around my waist and having to be dragged away from me."

You post brought tears to my eyes. I do not know how long ago it was of course, but it is always worth being part of a dog club/walking group and participate in various dog forums/etc to have a network of people who would be able to step in and help at the dire moment. I wonder if you think that temporary foster care for your dogs would have helped you as there are some kind generous people around who would not like having permanent dog ownership for whatever reason, but are prepared to help. Rare, but not impossible to find. Going back to the rescue and the breeder to see if the temporary help can be found is also possible.

But your story is absolutely dreadful.

bringon I not sure what else you could have done and you shouldnt feel bad.

Thanks - you've set me off for another weep by being nice about it - was over a year ago now. I am only just over my depression now though. I miss my dogs but don't think I will own one again - I feel too bad about what I did. There was no way I could've predicted PND and no way I would've thought my dogs would ever be anywhere than here at home.

"I would say a large % of the people who rehome their pets do so with great thought/anguish and with good justification."

I would say quite the opposite. I'm wondering whether your view is borne of experience Agent, because it certainly isn't my experience.

I agree completely Valhalla. I know lots of people who have given their dogs up and it's mostly without much thought at all.

A couple who took their 8 year old Border Collies (owned since puppies) top the pound as they hadn't bothered to socialise them with DC, so when they had DC they kept them outside for a while before getting a new puppy and taking the older dogs to the pound. They didn't even realise the pound were within it's rights to PTS the dogs the same day as they were surrendered.

Or the people who got four dogs in a two year period. The last puppy arrived the day the previous one left.

Or the woman who got a puppy when she was pregnant and then sold it a few months later 'due to imminent arrival of new baby'.

Or the couple who got three puppies within a 4 month period and had rehomed them all within 6 months...

I could carry on...

We have a rescue dog here. He's a pain in the backside if I am honest, he has a lot of issues that are taking time and commitment to deal with. I am also expecting a baby. There's not a cat in hell's chance I'll rehome him or any of my other three dogs. They are my responsibility for their whole lives, not just as long as it is convenient for me and it is my responsibility to ensure that for the whole time they are alive I provide what they need to be happy and thrive.

Sadly, plenty of people see dogs as disposable.

Heartbreaking stuff midori yet not unusual, is it?

Bemybebe speaks a tremendous amount of sense too. Damn right about Labs and training - my GSD was FAR easier to train than my stubborn Lab.

Brigonthegoat, what can I say... I so wish you'd known some of the people I do and could have had help/temporary foster for your dogs. I was left by my husband 7 weeks after DD2s birth, when DD1 was about 20 months old. I'd just had a section, was over 70 miles from the nearest friends or relatives, no car... but thankfully no depression either. My dogs were the creatures who saved me, I couldn't have borne being parted from them. The very thought of having to endure that brings tears to my eyes, god knows how you coped.

I cannot understand people who give up their pets for children either - to my eyes it's a warning shot for the children involved: wait till you are no longer convenient and then see how much your parents love you.

That said, I do believe things have to change - our furry friends don't get as much attention as they did pre-kids, and even less attention than when it was just me and the Cat-out-of-hell. Hopefully the attention they get from hubby and kids makes up for the sharing of me with the family. (I know for a fact that Cat-out-of-hell doesn't agree with that sentiment - my 10 mins of attention is worth 1,000 hours of anyone else's - bless!).

If the kids were seriously allergic or it became impossible to keep them together I can't rehome the children, so it's going to have to be the pets who go. Having said that DH was not at all keen on Cat-out-of-hell when we got together - he suggested getting rid of her and was told in no uncertain terms that she was here first and so would not be the one leaving!

Being up front about it - I am not a dog person. However, there's been an awful lot said on this thread about the responsibility people have towards their pets (which I agree with and wish it extended to the massive amount of people who live near me who think their dog's poop isn't their responsibility either ) however, the primary responsibility people have is to their children, and particularly with first babies, that can change your outlook on life massively. I wouldn't judge someone who decided that such a massive lifestyle change meant that they could no longer cope with their pet - dogs have to be walked, for a start - how would a single parent manage that after a caesarian, for example?

Also, my parents had a beloved dog who was very good with kids etc etc - but my brother still has the scar on his face from when he gave the dog a cuddle and woke it suddenly, perhaps from a bad dream or it wasn't feeling well, whatever.

But balia if you throw off the mantle of responsibility for a pet, how on earth are you going to cope with a child?

E.g. walking a dog is WAY easier than dealing with a tantruming toddler in the supermarket, and less of a commitment than ensuring your teenager does their homework every day. If you're a single parent who's had a caesarian and can't walk the dog, what else couldn't you do around the house that you'd need help with that would be basic maintenance for the child?

My arguement is that if you haven't figured out a plan for looking after your pets responsibly then you shouldn't be having children - it's a lesser responsibility, for a shorter time period and with less expense than having a child.

That's a bit of a judgment about parents who decide to give up their pets northerngirl.

Effectively you're saying that those who do will show what you see as a lack of loyalty to their own children?

What an awful thing to think.

But your post is confusing because you go on to say the total opposite and that you understand why some might.

My two (ancient) rescue dogs definitely took a back seat in the first few months when my boy was born. Their need for food, shelter and exercise were still fully met (having two dogs is great for ensuring you get out of the house with the baby for daily exercise) but I have to admit they didn't get the attention lavished on them that they were used to. They also spent long periods of time behind a stairgate in the utility room (my dogs are both a bit nervy and as a toddler, my boy wasn't the gentlest).

However, overall, I think they would agree that their lives have improved since having my son. I'm a WAHM so they have company all day (rather than being at home alone when I was at work), they get all the yummy bits of food dropped by DS and now, they get lots of love and attention from my DS, who adores them and plays with them for hours in the garden.

No matter what, I would never have considered rehoming them, any more than I would consider rehoming my son if another child came along. They are my family.

Being a parent is about making tough choices - I don't think anyone here is saying that children are easier to take care of than animals - we're talking about not being able to adequately care for BOTH. In which case, the child should take precedence, surely. And in cases where there is any danger to the child - well isn't that a no-brainer? Can you tell in advance how a pet will react to a baby?

baila "Can you tell in advance how a pet will react to a baby?"

Yes, I can because I have invested a lot of time and effort socializing my dog and she a delight to be with no matter what age/sex/occupation or how the person looks. I would still not leave a child and a dog alone.

'Tough choices' it is often NOT. Not when pets are bought as cute little puppies or kittens, neither when they are re-homed because of 'not enough time', 'new baby on the way', 'moving house'... Alternatives are often not considered because rescue is an easy option. Especially when the owners call and threaten to put their dog/cat/rabbit to sleep 'tomorrow'. Other naive people think there is somewhere a nice loving family waiting for their pooch and refuse to listen that more often it is a long LONG wait at the kennel and put-to-sleep needle of the visiting vet. Please do not kid yourself. Not all rescues have a 'we never put a healthy dog down' policy and those who do have waiting lists.

If the times are tough it is much better to cut the walks/move to cheaper food/get on the good breed specific or rescue forums and ask for advice/beg for temporary help.

My parents gave their Jack Russell away when I came along because he was terribly jealous and snappy. He had been a rescue dog and was much loved, but they were concerned he might injure me so they gave him to a good home (a friend of theirs). They still visited him and took him out for walks while they still lived in the area.

It's a dog. Grow up.

i know a couple with 2dds under 3, they have mould in their house, and the p said its affectin dds asthma and the house is inhabitable, and were told they could rent privately on some council deposit paid for you scheme, after findin a landlord which takes the scheme which is a mission and findin a suitable house, they declined the house because the landlord wouldnt take the dog!!!

no aibu or is the kids health more important and is it vey unlikely they will find a landlord which both does this scheme and takes pets?

espescially rotweillers....

Nailak, to me that would be a no brainer: the dog is part of the family, we come as a package deal. I don't see why private renting would not be an option. Personally I don't think I'd have my dog if I didn't own my property - I'm not saying people who DON'T own their own home shouldn't have a dog, it's just that my experience of renting was unstable and I struggled to find a landlord willing to rent a house to a single female teacher and cat, I always thought single teachers + cat was just a natural equation!

But this is the point. No one would dream (I hope!) of saying "Well, this house is lovely but doesn't accept kids, whoops, the DCs will have to go, what a shame!" You'd say "Well obviously we can't live there, where can we live?"

A single parent having a c-section: if I was in this position I'd ask my dad, friends, neighbours, the RSPCA to help out as it would be a temporary situation.

I know I might be making it all sound easy and I'm honestly not trying to be blase about it. Dogs can be bloody hard work - they bark, demand walks, attention, hoover up food and are so incredibly cute as puppies people sadly don't see this and buy them and then they suffer so when they can't cope :( I just honestly wish that people would not get the animals in the first place rather than have them then reject them. There are some very unusual circumstances which allow for rehoming but for the most part, I think that people shrug off their pet as if it doesn't matter, as if it's just some old coat or pair of shoes YOU don't want any more, but hey, someone else might. The truth is so different, animals (especially dogs) really need a responsible person who they love and trust. My dog spends the days with my dad as I work, but she still gets so excited when I come to collect her because I am her "mummy" and I love her, and I'm not ashamed to say how much I love her just because she's a dog and not a human being. I desperately hope my future is one with babies in it but if that happens I don't think it'll be easy, but I was a 29 year old woman when I bought my dog, I knew I wanted babies and we'll all just have to deal with that situation if and when it happens!

I totally see that dogs being aggressive around babies/children is an instance where they'd have to be rehomed but that's the only time I'd consider it personally. x

I'm always really sad when people come to me and tell me they "can't manage" the dog once they have children. OK, I appreciate if you have PND (something I've no experience of whatsoever, so I don't know), then maybe walking a dog is an overwhelming chore- but you can pay a dogwalker/ find a friend willing to do it for a short period/ see if there are fosterers etc who might agree to help. There is nearly always another solution if you do want to keep the dog.

For me, I had 2 dogs before the dc came along. That was my choice, and my responsibility. It meant I needed to take them out for a decent walk every single day, come rain or shine, which did feel like a chore sometimes. But do you know what, it actually became a really good thing, for seevral reasons

It got me and the children out of the house and into the country park every single day, which meant we all got some fresh air

I made friends with loads of fellow dog walkers, many of whom I am still great friends with despite moving away (and making more dog-walking friends!)

As the children got older (as soon as they could get out of the pram!), they walked for at least an hour a day, in safe surroundings. They are all fit and active still- I am stunned when we meet friends and their kids moan if they have to walk for more than 5 mins! And years of pushing a double buggy over treacherous terrain helped me get fit too.

The walk was always a great time to chat to the children about anything and everything. As toddlers they learnt to spot the changing seasons. We followed animal tracks and watched the lambs and calves grow up. The kids are now at school and nursery, and I miss them on my walks. Still, we have weekends

So, yes, I am grateful to the dogs for those things alone. that is to say nothing of the love the kids have developed for them, and their understanding of how to treat animals decently. My dogs are not easy pets- they have lots of issues, and lots of friends have suggested rehoming, but they are MY problem! Due to old age (old boy is almost 16 and, sadly, probably on his last legs) I clean up pee and poo at least once a day, but we have an area where they can be confined overnight, so that the kids don't come into contact with it. We built a large outside run area, so that they don't poo where the kids play, but the kids can still play with them over the fence. It's doable, it just takes a bit of organisation.

But for the people who think it is NOT doable, and who don't want to do it, it probably is better that the dog IS rehomed, providing it can be found a good home (big if, I know ), because if they don't have the determination to make it work, it won't, and the dog will no doubt be the one that suffers

I agree that when you have children, your pets take on a different role but not to their exclusion.

Ours animals are part of our family. My boys adore them and my dogs are protective - reluctant to let strangers look in the pram when they were newborns, always by their sides now when they are out on their bikes. The dogs know that my boys are part of me and so extend any pack instincts they have to me to my children.

There are plenty of licks from both children & dogs, DS2 has eaten dog biscuit he shared with my older dog, has climbed into the dog bed for a nap.

We have all adapted to life with children well and the dogs are local heros with all the local children wanting to play with them.

My belief is that children need pets to learn respect & responsibility and my Grandad always said to never trust someone who doesnt like dogs

I grew up in a large family, with a large selection of animals, and pets. Dogs are pack animals, and with a consistant loving firm hand, I don't see why a new baby should have to result in re-homing.

Then again, if you really feel as if you cant cope, or the dog is finding it too hard to change, then re-homing sounds sensible. It'd be a shame if people give up on their dogs before they give them a chance.

I rehomed my cat with a family friend after we had DD2.

She was 6 weeks prem, came home on her due date on oxygen, with feeding tubes, apnoea monitor etc. The oxygen concentrator meant we couldn't shut any doors around the house where we (and DD2) were due to the tubing. I wasn't happy having my cat in the room with all that lovely plastic tubing to play with, as well as cat fur and dander to irritate DD2s already vulnerable lungs.

So we made the decision just before we brought DD2 home from hospital that our cat would go and live with friend. Also what with poorly DD2 to care for as well as DD1 we knew poor Jasper Cat wouldn't get much attention at all.

Far kinder to rehome him in another kind, caring family.

So shoot me now. As much as I loved my cat my priorities shifted when I brought home my sick baby.

My poor cat would probably have preferred being re-homed when ds came along. She was very unhappy indeed. Her favourite thing was curling up on my lap and there were very few times when my lap was not occupied by the newborn, or when the newborn hadn't scared her away with his sudden noises and unpredictable movements. We bought one of those plug in things that is meant to make cats happier but it wasn't a complete answer. Poor cat never got any less nervy around ds.

We now have a cat who decided pretty much the instant he came through our door that ds is HIS person. Dh and I will do if ds isn't around but the minute ds appears, the cat makes a bee-line for him. Much happier all round!

DC
Cats
DH

In that order

Sidge - that's totally understandable - nothing comes before a sick baby/child.

I would never ever do this, can't understand it at all. As people have said, you don't just 'rehome' an older sibling because they're a bit much to cope with as well as the new baby, or if they don't get on well at first.

I'm expecting our dog to be fine with a baby if we have one (which may happen in the next few years) as he's very laid back and good with kids generally. If he wasn't, though, I would take good care not to become/stay pregnant during the rest of his natural life. Though if I had to choose, I'd rather have dogs than babies anyway to be perfectly honest!