AIBU to be disgusted with people who shove their life long dogs out because baby on way

[ohnoudidnt]

My friend who has had their dog for about 8 years,who once was her world has now shoved him to one side, even though he is well behaved,good around the baby etc ...I feel like he has been disgarded.I am in the same situation and my dogs are still part of my family and always will be.

We took in two cats when my cousin moved and couldn't take them with her. They were 6 when we got them, and we loved them both. When they were 9 I had my ds and by the time he was 1 we had had to rehome them. They both hated him, any sudden noise or movement upset them, and the boy started spraying on everything (which the vet said was because the plastic on the car seat/ pram etc smelt of ammonia and he thought another cat had been in the house).

The girl cat hid upstairs all day and came down at night when we went to bed. They were both miserable and losing hair, and we found it very hard to know what to do. Taking them to battersea was awful but they wrote to us 2 weeks later to say they had been rehomed together in a home with no children, as requested.

When my son was 4 and a half we got 2 kittens, they are the loves of his life and we are all very happy. I would never suggest rehoming pets because of having a baby but in our case we had no alternative.

Agree with Valhalla. Think people who see their pets as expendable are pretty low actually. All too easy to come up with excuses about moving house, being allergic etc. Poor animals! They didn't ask to be adopted by you. By taking them on you have a duty to give them proper care and commitment.

when i fell pg my gorgeous dog was thought of at every step, we got an all terrain pushchair so we could still go to the beach, woods, gravel paths with the baby and dog, so the dog got the best walks as usual and the baby was comfy we got a sling so we could ramble and go through fields with narrow paths, we had all the baby things out so that the dog got used to them being around, sadly our gorgous dog died the day i went into labour, it was the hardest time, i lay in the garden with him as he got ill he was never pushed aside even when i was in hospital so much during my pregnancy, i dont understand how people could get rid of animals, walking a dog everyday wouldnt have been a problem as no matter what the weather i take ds for a walk, i missed having a dog and we recently got a puppy, they are little friends, pup sleeps under the pushchair, within 2 days of getting pup ds was crawling as he was eager to follow i can see them being friends for years to come

When we agreed to care for our great nephew we had to consider rehoming our dogs due to his severe allergies.

It was not something I took lightly but the welfare of a neglected 8 week old baby had to come before my beloved dogs.

We worked round it. Well I worked round it. Hence my bloody housework routine that goes around like painting the severn bridge.

No one could accuse me of not being an animal lover or not taking their welfare seriously. But life gets in the way sometimes.

Any "friend" who sees a pet as an expendable commodity will never be a friend of mine when they do that crap.

Do you turf out your 9 year old cos you're pregnant again and this one's going to be newer and shinier? No - so you don't fucking well give up on another member of your family who can't talk or express their feelings, who depends on you and adores the ground you walk on either... and there's no cure for a shit day better than a purring moggie or a frantically wagging tail from a dog who just LOVES the fact you've walked in the door despite the fact you only went out of the room for a pee.

Couple I know are about to start trying for first DC.
They have two cats, who are utter saps and literally wrap themselves around my friend and her DH at every opportunity.
DH raised the subject of rehoming the cats when the baby arrives (this is their third home).
She cheerfully told him to go suck his own cock.

People are pathetic, "i'm too exhausted looking after a newborn to care for a dog/cat" Ridiculous, and yes i know what having a newborn is like I have 4 children!!
Buy a baby sling and take dog for a walk, get OH to walk it.

I can understand if after the baby's arrival there is a clear problem. But even in that case, before revoking I think owners should try to help the pets settle.

But deciding before baby even arrives to get rid of them is just cruel. I get very at all the people who have said to me, "ooh, your cat won't like having the baby around, you will probably have to get rid of him". It makes no sense. Why assume the cat will freak out? Even if adjusting is needed on all sides, surely that is just part of the process of families adapting to change?

I wonder if there is a set of stats how many pets destined to "go to another wonderful home" end up destroyed and how much on average the rest stay in enclosures before being 'successfully' re-homed (in inv commas because some will end up being passed on as the novelty wears off).

The idyllic vision of some sort of pet paradise somewhere else does not exists. If someone takes in a living creature it is their responsibility to continue to care for this creature. I can accept only a handful of valid reasons for re-homing (death, relevant health issues and old age and thus genuine inability to care any longer). Everything else reflect the selfishness and lack of any sense of responsibility. Such people should not be allowed to have pets to start with (let alone children). Many, unfortunately, do (they often get upset by concerns raised by good breeders and charities and end up buying their pet from back-street breeders, puppy farmers and free ads where "no questions asked".)

Dogs, actually, can adjust to the new situation very well (shorter walks, cheaper food). However, they do need to feel part of their pack, ie they need to have company and it is usually FREE.

OP YAB a bit U. it is possible that your friend really isn't coping and just doesn't have anything left for her dog.

Perhaps instead of judging her you could offer to walk her dog. If the pressure is off a little bit she might stop seeing the dog as something that takes her time/energy/attention away from the baby and as a good companion again. (Speaking a little bit from experience- that was the offer of help I always appreciated the most!)

Rowan, it's not my order it's the dogs'. Dogs are pack animals and hierachical in nature. They like to know who is most important and will figure it out for themselves.

I really can't agree with anyone who says they would love a child as much as a dog, or a dog as much as a child - it's not really comparing like with like to say you love your mum as much as your dad or 2 children the same as each other and therefore will love the dog as much. You won't.

Georgimama where does this 'hierachical' stuff comes from? I thought modern wisdom (ie professional dog behaviorists) says 'dominance/submission' theory is without any basis. Unless one is convinced by Cesar Milan who milks his 'method' for its entertainment value.

Well I can't claim to be an animal behaviourist. My understanding was that being pack animals dogs are conscious of a pecking order and behave accordingly. Sorry I can't reference that.

Until you have a baby its impossible to know how it will affect your life.

We have all experienced the shock.

Sometimes its kinder to rehome a dog if you really do not have the time to give it the life you want to.

My dog just had to get used to the new routine and he did. I think some dogs might struggle e.g working types.

You could tell a devoted boarder collie owner that their life will change till your blue in the face but they may not really get it until the baby arrives.

But the dogs should be rehomed responsibly. If only that were always the case.

Georgimama this is off topic but please read it.
www.dogwelfarecampaign.org/why-not-dominance.php
This dominance/submission theory peaked in the 60s as I know and was revived by an american guy Cesar Milan who made a succession of films/shows using dominance theory. Plenty of respected UK organisations (DogTrust, RSPCA, WSPA and others) joined together to speak out against his methods.

Rhinestone, you said 'When you work in an animal shelter you see the very worst of human nature. ' in your experience, is it possible to balance that out in any way with the behaviour of the lovely people who give decent homes to them?

I don't mean making it excusable, but rather that it's not a wholey bad picture with no redeeming features.

bebmybebe, I have heard similar in fact, although I am not an expert.

Georgimama, I don't really think the hierarchy, whether or not it is true, is relevant in any case here - do people really 'list' the people in their lives in such a manner? :-/ Of course, a dog has different needs to a baby just as a baby has different needs to a 9 year old. And I can totally understand a dog who is aggressive needing to be rehomed. What I cannot fathom is taking in an animal and loving it and then essentially treating it as a trial baby and dumping it when the real thing comes along.

Also and to be honest I think it's a bit unfair to state "you won't" about loving an animal - I don't have children, I don't know if I ever will, but that doesn't mean I don't understand love (and I have heard comments to that effect made before - 'you will know what love is when ...') My point is my dog is part of my family, such as it is, I would no more rehome her or give her away than I would a child of my own either. That doesn't mean I think she IS a baby, she is very much a dog (and a rather stinky one at the moment, too! ) Animals give so much and really when you think about it ask for very little in return, I think the least we can offer them is stability and the knowledge they will have a home with us.

thefirstMrsDeVere There are too many issues in your post I think.

A boarder collie should be working if it comes from the working stock. If it is a pet and was perfectly ok in the family before the arrival of the baby, it should be very manageable to adjust as with any other pet dog.

I do however agree with you that people should take more responsibility when choosing a particular breed, but may I ask you, how many people do you think know that labradors (especially those coming from working lines) can be totally unsuitable to family pet role? They bite hard, they are slow maturing and they can be very very strong. Training them properly is an absolute priority but people think it is true only about GSD. So it is critical to research the breed and MEET the breeder/the mother before deciding. And not relying on Andrex and Dogs for the Disabled 'cutie' commercials?

I'm not suggesting anyone should dump an animal just because a child comes along. I'm not sure what about my posts could make you think I advocate such a thing. When you are having a discussion with someone, it is better to actually respond to what they did say rather than your own misrepresentation of their views.

"it's not really comparing like with like to say you love your mum as much as your dad or 2 children the same as each other and therefore will love the dog as much. You won't."

^ was what I was specifically responding to, I was explaining that to me, love is something that should expand and adapt to fit different needs of the different people/animals in your life.

The rest of my post was in answer to the question posed in the OP; I'm sorry if that wasn't clear but I don't think there was any need for that level of rudeness, tbh.

I do find it quite stunning the innocuous comments some people on MN manage to consider rude.

I apologise if I was over sensitive Georgimama, but I'm afraid "it is better to actually respond to what they did say rather than your own misrepresentation of their views" came across as rude to me. If it was meant innoculously then fair enough :)

It is sad to see dogs being pushed out by their owners. Each person's circ's are different though.

I adored my dogs but had to have them rehomed after DD was born. I had PND, H walked out on us and dog 2 became snappy. I just couldn't cope and the dogs were not having the life they deserved. It broke my heart - I get tearful just thinking about it. I felt like dirt when the lady at the shelter took them.

For the poster who said people are pathetic, buy a sling or get OH to walk dog. I genuinely couldn't cope with life due to the PND. I did put DD in a sling and walk the dogs. When the snow set in I nearly slipped forward, had dog in each hand and DD on front. It was terrifying as I would've fallen onto DD. I asked H for help with the dogs and he said 'get rid of them'. I will never get over the look in dog 1's eyes or dog 2 wrapping his paws around my waist and having to be dragged away from me.

Yanbu. The dog is a living being, a pet, part of the family. It should be treated right.

However, if the dog were a flower or a lawnmower then it should be rightfully be discarded after fulfilling its use.