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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be disgusted with people who shove their life long dogs out because baby on way

144 replies

ohnoudidnt · 16/04/2011 22:52

My friend who has had their dog for about 8 years,who once was her world has now shoved him to one side, even though he is well behaved,good around the baby etc ...I feel like he has been disgarded.I am in the same situation and my dogs are still part of my family and always will be.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 17/04/2011 01:06

I have to agree.

My dc come first, and I love them more but they were also the greater "burden" when I was very ill with PND.

I would never have given up on nay of them though. I will also have to agree to differ.

claireandmattsmum · 17/04/2011 01:12

I'd say that anyone who's thinking of getting a dog should also think carefully about whether they will, in the near future, wish to start a family. If so, forget the dog and get a cat. Dogs DO need lots of attention and when you have a young baby that's not always easy. Cats need feeding, a bit of fuss now and again and the occasional visit to the vet, but can manage well on their own, thank you very much. Far better, perhaps, to get a dog when your children are older and can enjoy the experience.

We acquired a cat just after we married and when I was pregnant with our daughter I used to worry that maybe I wouldn't love the baby as much as the cat! Grin I didn't stop loving the cat, but the love I felt for the baby couldn't compare - obviously. Everyone told me that I should beware of the cat and that it might jump into the pram or cot and suffocate the baby. One evening I went to check on the baby and there was the cat curled up at the foot of the cot, and until the day the cat died (aged 17 I might add) my daughter was the one she fussed with at bedtime.

rockinhippy · 17/04/2011 01:33

Sadly I agree too - I have Cats, not Dogs, but I've seen the same thing happen with friends getting panicky & rehoming their Cats because babies on the way - makes me Angry

I was very ill when DD was small, but I never ever considered getting rid of my Cats, one of whom was epileptic & both elderly, so yes a burden, but so was DD when I was struggling as I was back then, but they were all MY burden & one that I happily bore, as thats what I'd signed up to when I took them on

Those 2 Cats have both now passed, & we now have 2 more, both CPL rescue Cats, & the older 1 of the 2 was a classic - lets get darling DCs a kitten for XmasHmm - oh its grown & it has a mind of its own & isn't so cute any more so lets throw it away Angry - poor thing was a nervous wreck when she came to us, she cowered every time I raised my hand to stroke her, so had obviously been mistreated by the woman of her old home :( - thankfully she's much calmer & a happy little thing now :)

The younger is a kitten we adopted, his poor Mum was thrown out because she was pregnant, as if thats the Cats fault for having irresponsible owners who don't get her spayedAngry

So I don't doubt it goes on with Dogs too, & I personally don't think theres ever a good excuse for not living up to your responsibilities when you take any pets on, its not like you were forced into having them is itHmm

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/04/2011 01:40

rockinhippy, one of my cats had epilepsy too, treated with phenobarbitone (givin her that was fun!), our vet said that epilepsy in cats was quite rare. Unfortunately she passed on last year aged 11, she was a contented puss though

rockinhippy · 17/04/2011 01:51

Yes headsfirstit is very rare apparently, mine thankfully wasn't fitting so often that she needed medication, so it was just management, keeping her safe & of course cleaning up - lol - she still lived until more than 20 though, & was hyperthyroid by 18 too,bless her :)

weirdest still the 1 year old Cat we adopted above, was passed as medically fit when we adopted her - by 18 months old she had her first fit - same age as our old girl - & she's now 2,1/2 & is now also diagnosed epileptic Shock

I would of said the odds on that happening must be huge - but we know a family who have had 4 dogs over the years & 3 of them have turned out to be epileptic Shock

weird how you seem to end up with what you can cope withConfused

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/04/2011 02:11

It is weird! We are getting a new kitten in 3 weeks, let's see what that brings us! We have just one cat atm and that seems such a small number after having cats for years!

Fortunately we have 4 dcs to give it snuggles Grin And our pup loves cats :)

Rhinestone · 17/04/2011 05:05

I'm with Valhalla. When you work in an animal shelter you see the very worst of human nature.

You also see the very best of 'dog' nature.

Rhinestone · 17/04/2011 05:06

And OP, YANBU.

Anomaly · 17/04/2011 07:40

Sometimes it's in the dogs best interest to be rehomed. It turned out that one of our dogs was scared of toddlers. He couldn't relax when DS was about at all and was stressed all day until he went to bed. We rehomed him to a lovely couple and he's so much happier in a house which doesn't have small children in. Our second dog was fine with the kids though and we kept her. I didn't know that one of my dogs wouldn't actually cope with children and it wasn't something I could predict. The other dog positively loved having small kids about and would pretty much let them crawl all over her.

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/04/2011 08:06

I had a cat that I was completely in love with. Before DHmoved in she shared my bed. She was mycompany and I loved her lying on me all evening.

When DS was born she was banned from the bedroom and I was furious when I found a flea on DS's tiny head. I wouldn't have her sit on me as DS was a clingy baby and when he wasn't on me I couldn't bear for her to be. In short Idid not feel the way about her that I used to. I rehomed her with my brother and his partner who love her the way I used to. Perfectly natural if you ask me!

Piggyleroux · 17/04/2011 08:10

I think yabu. It all depends on individual circumstances you can't just generalise.

Georgimama · 17/04/2011 08:18

I have 2 dogs which I have had since before DS was born. They are 12 and 7. We love them to pieces and they used to sleep in our bedroom. When DS came along they were relegated to the downstairs, although they were never prevented from coming in family rooms or going near DS.

Naturally our priorities have changed since having children (there's another on the way) and yes they probably get less attention than they used to, but we knew when we took them on they were a life long commitment and I am happy to honour my side of the bargain. They have been good dogs and they deserve their place in our family, no matter what.

Rowgtfc72 · 17/04/2011 08:21

Ive got two Jack Russells. Ex wanted them, I don't do dogs. When we split it never crossed my mind to re-home them. When my dp and I had our daughter we were just a bit more careful, sure they didn't get as much attention but they were still looked after. If anything they learnt their place in our "pack" something I'd never been able to sort out. DD is four now, older dog is fourteen nearly and keeps his head down (dd understands this) other dog is nine and still a puppy and dd and her are best mates.This works for us, but can understand it doesn't work for everyone .

baskingseals · 17/04/2011 08:21

op yanbu

my dog gives me as much joy as my dc. i feel so lucky to have him.

Georgimama · 17/04/2011 08:26

Yes the pack order definitely gets a rejig when children come along - as far as the dogs are concerned it now goes

Me
DS
DH
the westie
the lab

poor lab has always been at the bottom.

Mishy1234 · 17/04/2011 08:30

YANBU OP. However, it's natural to shift your attention towards the new baby.

I do think people must make a special effort to ensure their pet's needs are taken into account during the transition period. I believe that if you take on a pet you take on a life long commitment, which needs to be honoured unless there are circumstances which can't be avoided (e.g- death or illness of the owner).

People need to think before getting pets.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 17/04/2011 08:42

I remember bringing newborn DD home from the hospital, my Dad looked after the dogs for us the first few days to allow us to settle. I cried when the dogs were due back, I didn't want them anymore.

How wrong was I! The dogs were fab , they loved having a good sniff of the nappy bin, loved that I just sat on the settee all day (cluster BF in my defense Grin ) so they could sit at my feet, and loved all the visitors we got!

Now DD is a toddler, she loves them, she gets up in the morning and the first thing she wants to do is see the dogs, give them a pat. They provide hours of entertainment for her, she has learned how to throw a tennis ball (albeit not very well!) but they humour her!

I'd say they probably do get slightly less attention than before, but they get all their needs met, they are walked and fed twice a day and still get a good few pats. And DD is a very happy 16 month old dog person!

Original poster
ohnoudidnt · 17/04/2011 08:45

Thank you for all of the replies! Glad to see most people agree.

Valhalla - You sound as though you are doing a wonderful job.It is a good job folk like you are in the world.

OP posts:
GingerWrath · 17/04/2011 08:56

When DD was born we had a 9 yo Golden Retriever and a 7 yo Black Lab. Somebody in work said to me 'now your pregnant, when you getting rid of the dogs?' I was mortified! How dare they! My dogs were part of my family (since gone to rainbow bridge)

We were sensible and never left DD unsupervised with them and as she grew they were best buds. Lab let her ride him like a pony and she used the retriever as a pillow.

From tiny she was part of the doggie routine, it got me out of the house everyday because they needed walking, plenty of fresh air for all of us and I firmly believe having dogs around helped her immune system as she is NEVER ill.

Even when they died it was a lesson to my DD(nearly 5), she understands the concept of death. (some would say not necessary at her age), but my Dad passed away 2 months after our retriever and she is very matter of fact about it.

I know someone who was constantly going on about her 'fur babies', as soon as she caught pregnant, they went to a rescue, never even tried to see if the baby would slot into the family with dogs, it made me so bloody angry!

Sorry about the ramble, but YANBU

Rowan49 · 17/04/2011 09:11

I have to say, I don't understand this 'order' people have?

My Mum is dead but when she was alive I didn't love her more than my Dad, just as i am sure posters with more than one child don't love one more than the other.

I love my dog and honestly I simply can't imagine not loving her because I had a baby. I think that would be a disgusting way of treating her; she has shown me love, forgiveness, understanding - she is so loyal and trusting. I couldn't walk her to the rescue centre, she'd be wagging her little tail at me every step of the way :(

I can totally see how her behaviour might need modifying for want of a better word. For example she is quite a vocal dog and barks when people walk past and that could wake a baby and be SO annoying, I totally get that. But it's not a reason to actually rehome is it? To me rehoming should ONLY be an option if the animal is extremely unhappy or someone is in danger (unlikely with cats!) I have been keeping an eye out for another home for one of my cats as he doesn't like the dog at all. Unfortunately, he runs and she chases him, she wouldn't hurt him but she thinks it is a game. I can't take him to a resue centre as he's 13 :( I don't know if anyone in the NW would like a very loving, lazy ginger cat but let me know if you do! x

MyLifeIsChaotic · 17/04/2011 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BalloonSlayer · 17/04/2011 09:18

Agree with Reality.

When we had DS2 a friend kept saying "Oh you must come and see OUR new baby!"

This was a dog she was talking about... Hmm

NorfolkNChance · 17/04/2011 09:38

We have two cats which we have had for 6 years (DD is 19 months).

My cat (they very much chose which of us they liked!) is obsessed with DD and wants to be with her all the time. We have had a couple of moments where the cat showed his displeasure but thankfully DD has learnt from this. I fully see my cat becoming hers in a few years time when he'll be allowed upstairs and into her room rather than just ours.

My DH's cat has always been nervous but since DD's arrival has mellowed and will now come for cuddles after she is in bed, something he never did before.

Compared to dogs cats are a piece of piss!

Adversecamber · 17/04/2011 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 17/04/2011 09:53

My cats spent the whole last couple of weeks of my pgs staring at me. Just staring.

It drove me bloody mad.

I have always had dogs. The one I had when I had DD was my bestest friend. Once I was pg I gradually got him used to not getting on the furniture and weaned him off sleeping on my bed.

He was fine. He did get a bit fat the first few weeks after DD was born because I couldnt take him out as much but that soon settled.

He was fine but of course our 'relationship' changed. It was just me and him before and he was the lurve of my life.

He got used to it although I think he missed the trips to Glastonbury and Reading festivals (you could take dogs in those days).

My current dog loves to share the buggy with the toddlers. The cats bum looks I get are hilarious Grin