AIBU to be disgusted with people who shove their life long dogs out because baby on way

[ohnoudidnt]

My friend who has had their dog for about 8 years,who once was her world has now shoved him to one side, even though he is well behaved,good around the baby etc ...I feel like he has been disgarded.I am in the same situation and my dogs are still part of my family and always will be.

I had four cats who I loved dearly and thought the world of. I was cat mad, thought they were greatest creatures ever. When I became pregnant, I started going off them, it was like something had really changed. Then I got DS's cot all made up and ready for his arrival, only to find one of the cats had jumped in a few minutes later. I went mental. I did feel a bit guilty but put it down to hormones.

Then when I had ds, I went off the cats even more, I used to love having them on my lap but just couldn't stand them coming on to my lap or needing my attention. I did feel bad that I had treated these cats like my surrogate children and then when i had a real baby, it's like I didn't need them anymore!

I was a single parent from the start, and when ds was a few months old just felt I couldn't cope with the cats anymore, and gave them to the ex p I was with when we originally bought the cats. He was disgusted at how I could just palm them off so easily when they had meant so much to me before, but I had different priorities.

Fast forward 6 years later, I've just bought a kitten. I'm well over the resentful feeling I had with cats, and I adore our new kitten. But still, I bought the kitten for ds and I love this kitten for providing so much pleasure for ds, so it's a slightly different attachment.

So yes, things do change when you have children because your priorities do, and should, change.

I've been a single parent since my DDs were 7 weeks and 19 months old respectively. I had 2 dogs then and now, 14 years on, I have three dogs. I had and have still cats too.

I fail to see how someone can get rid of their pets just because they have children and they "can't cope", "don't have time" or "have new priorities".

My cat stopped coming anywhere near me when I was about 3-4 weeks pregnant, and 2 weeks before we even knew or guessed.

Never came near me again, and she hated the baby once it arrived...she always was a very nervous cat, she stopped eating, developed stress induced eczema, we had her at the vets almost weekly, for antibiotic and steroid injections, she was so skinny, and had horrible sores all over due to scratching. We had to give her away, to a couple who had no children, and she piled all the weight back on, all glossy and lovely again.

Ofc ppl assume we gave her away because of the baby!

I was talking about children too LISL.

It's not that I felt any less love for DD1 (who's 10 compared to DD2s 15 months) when DD2 was born, what it was is that the care and love you have for a young child is different to that you have for an older one.

You can't go treating a 10 YO like a baby, and they wouldn't want you to.

I think it's to do with the vulnerablity and needs of a younger child, you're fiercely protective and tuned into them, whereas an older one is more independent and doesn't need the same intensity.

Luckily DD1 understands that because I treat DD2 differently to her it's not because I don't love her, and she genuinely loves DD2 as much as me

Is it possible your friends behaviour (which was possibly very stressed having 5 children) was in a sharper contrast when compared to the way she treated the baby? (you're probably going to say no after I've written all that )

That I can understand, MadBanners. (Great name btw!).

You did what you did in the best interests of your cat. I respect that.

Yes your priorities change when you have children, and yes your children are more important than your pets. That doesn't change the fact that when you give a pet a home you accept responsibility for them.

It took a lot of adjusting to have a baby aswell as 5 cats, and my dd came first, but with a little care it was quite manageable.

I only have one of those 5 cats now, but my dc are very close to him.

When I say I only have one of those cats now, I mean the others have passed on, I never got rid of any of them.

OP, nutter. Get a life.

YANBU.

Why is the OP a nutter for giving a fuck about animals?

Rollmops, one of the 2 dogs I mentioned above - the one which the owners wanted rid of for licking their child - is the one in need of getting a life. He nearly lost his when the owners took him to their vets to have him put to sleep.

Fortunately the vet didn't cooperate and instead I ended up being asked to help find the dog a rescue place.

The OP is making a very valid point and the examples I gave are by no means uncommon. That hardly makes her a nutter.

Actually if I had listened to MIL and rehomed my tom cat when I became pg with dd2 I would not be sat here drinking Vodka. I would be upstairs holding dd2's hand so that the Warewolf out of her dreams doesn't eat her.

But everyone knows that Warewolves are scared of cats and cats think warewolves taste better than sweeties

I bloody love my cat. He makes an excellent ghost/warewolf/monster hunter.

agentzigzag, I think some people are just that way . The friend I spoke about had one child who she idolised, then when baby number two came along, baby number one was treated like crap...when baby number three came along, babies one and two were treated like crap....on and on it goes.

she has been the same way about her animals as her kids. No surprise.

Meanwhile I have puppy boy chewing up my sofa right now the little git!

that isn't a nice thing to be watching in someone you think of as a friend LISL.

I would like to say though that DD1 has never been treated like crap, although when I ask her to unload the dishwasher you might think otherwise

that's why we arent friends anymore

when I ask my kids to put sweetie wrappers in the bin I am mummy from hell!

I fail to see how someone can get rid of their pets just because they have children and they "can't cope", "don't have time" or "have new priorities".

Valhalla, you can call it "getting rid" or you can call it rehousing them in a loving environment where they would be happier. I did the best thing in the interests of my cats, my baby and myself.

You possibily couldn't understand why I couldn't cope because you have no idea what was going on in my life. I love and respect animals (that's why I don't eat them), but an animal being moved to a new home is hardly the most tragic thing that can happen to them! They do adjust and you may not be quite as irreplaceable as you think when it comes to your pets!

I've had to rehome one of our cats, he was being bullied by the other one and it really wasn't much of a life for an active mog, he was so scared he spent most of his day cowering under a cupboard in the kitchen

Took him down yesterday to the animal shelter and the lady I was chatting to said most animals get dumped when they're no longer puppies/kittens or whatever and the responsibility of pet ownership sinks in, need the attention of a vet or baby comes along and people just can't be bothered anymore

They had a beautiful cat in their who'd been flung out because a toddler had bit its tail and the mog quite rightly went batshit. WTF did they think it'd do ??

Of course I don't know what was going on in your life, Whethergirl. I just know that I could cope as a lone parent without support and with two infants and, shortly afterwards, with cancer, and both dogs and cats.

I also know as a rescuer the fall-out and tragedies which occur very often when animals are no longer wanted.

We must, I think, agree to differ.

Sorry but no matter what you have on how the fuck can you not have time for a cat fgs? A dog, maybe, there are walks etc to consider. But a cat???

You feed them twice a day (takes all of two minutes) and give them a bit of love when you sit down for a coffee. Vets trips once every three months (unless you buy flea/worm stuff online then it's vets annually) It's hardly a burden.

My dogs take time and hard work. My cat is nothing but a pleasure.

My cat actually makes life with my dc easier. "Your crying? Oh dear, well look, the cat has come to see what is wrong. I think he wants a hug" "There's a monster hiding under your bed? Don't be silly, Max eats all the monsters before they get through the door"

I would say a large % of the people who rehome their pets do so with great thought/anguish and with good justification.

This'd mean that only a few people genuinely don't give a shit and chuck them out on a whim (taking into account that some people who dump them either don't know where else to take them or can't face the 'shame' of giving them up face to face) are a minority.

You would be unreasonable to tar everyone who rehomes their pets after having a baby with the uncaring stereotype, just because you don't know the reasons behind the move (and I'm not including anyone who abuses animals) doesn't mean they're not valid for the pet and the family.

I have two cats who were rehomed with me. I had a friend who proudly announced her pregnancy on Facebook and we all said congratulations - her next status update was asking if anyone would rehome her cat :( I wasn't looking for another cat but I am a soft touch. I'm mystified as to why she felt the need to get rid - he's very friendly but quiet and just snoozes all day! Unlike the other cat I had who frankly is a pain in the bum!

I am afraid I think for the most part it's cruel. Going to a new home isn't the worst thing that can happen to an animal but the fact is there are only so many good homes to go round and animals, especially older dogs and cats, can end up in pens for months and months. My own little dog would be so frightened to leave here, it breaks my heart just thinking about it. Personally, I believe that if you ultimately decide your dog/cat needs rehoming the responsibility for finding a new home should lie with you because the animal is your responsibility.

"I would say a large % of the people who rehome their pets do so with great thought/anguish and with good justification."

I would say quite the opposite. I'm wondering whether your view is borne of experience Agent, because it certainly isn't my experience.

Of course there are lots of people who do care and who have got good reasons... but jeez, there are a hell of a lot who don't and haven't. Far, far more than many would think. In my case I do know the reasons behind the decisions that people make and many of those reasons are frankly disgraceful.

The other sad thing which makes me cross are those who are indeed rehoming for good reason and who claim to care but who having handed their dogs over to rescue are never seen or heard of again despite their promises. We have the ones who are made homeless but who when they find new accomodation don't want their dogs back, those who we try to get in touch with to obtain further information on the dog but who never call back, those who promise a donation to rescue but who leave us paying the bills. These are often the people who take their dogs into the vet to be put to sleep, who are willing to pay the vet £100 plus to do that but who, when the vet tells them to let us care for the dog instead, won't offer the rescue that £100 to feed, neuter or vaccinate him.

I'm afraid I see the nasty side of human nature doing what I do, and far too often too.

You may have been able to cope in that situation Valhalla, but that doesn't mean everyone else could or should. Maybe you found comfort in your pets during your difficult times, but doesn't mean everyone else can, and for some, it becomes a burden. It's not always black and white. We need to have compassion for people as well as animals!

Obviously mistreating/abusing an animal is more clear cut. It's plain and simple wrong. But to give your pet to another loving home (I wouldn't have felt comfortable giving my cats away to anyone else except my ex who doted on them) is a different matter and should not be so harshly judged.

I am feeding the neighbour's cat at the moment because she has disowned him since he started spraying all over the house (she does have mental health problems). I've seen this poor cat, who is also quite old, sit outside and crying to be let back in. I called the RSPCA several weeks ago and they still haven't managed to come round. They even told me that cats are perfectly able to live wild and that I should stop feeding him otherwise he will become dependant on me!

As I said, we must agree to differ. My children were a burden too sometimes, especially when I was fighting for my life, but they were MY burden, MY responsibility, for life. Just as my pets are and were. We come as a package here! (No wonder I'm single!!).

WRT the RSPCA, don't hold your breath. You may well be better off convincing your neighbour to give him to the Cats Protection or a reputable rescue or sanctuary or alternatively to give him to you so that you can appeal to rescue for help in rehoming him. I'd offer to take him and rehome him myself but I'm full with my own and two abandoned cats which I've rescued and have on the rehoming list at the moment.

Perhaps I think that because I want to believe it vallhala, and wish it were true?

I probably just cut off the reality of the situation because you don't want to think of people in general as cruel.