"Ok then let me put it another way would i be hard pushed to find a feminist that is a stay at home mum for instance."
(Quoted from page 1, I am late to the party, sorry)
I would guess that a SAHM is, if anything, MORE likely to be a feminist given that her daily routine is likely to be affected in so many more obvious ways by the current inequality between the sexes than a full time working mother, or an unemployed childless woman for example.
For starters, women's wages tend to be lower than their male colleagues, so even if the couple are forward thinking about gender roles, it is more likely to be the mother at home because a) it isn't so much of a drop in income since his is higher because he is a man and b) maternity benefits are so much better than paternity benefits (not saying either are as good as they should be yet though) so she can get longer off without it affecting her career or their income.
As an example, my sister and BIL do exactly the same job for the same company. They met at the same uni, graduated the same year with the same class of degree. His wages are 15% odd higher than hers, ergo she is the SAHP. That doesn't mean she isn't a feminist for not fighting society to see the inequalities, it means she is being a mother and putting her families needs first.
Each family that is fortunate enough to be able to afford to have a SAHP makes the decision that is best for them, financially. My father was the SAHP when I was a kid, because my mother had better qualifications and could command a higher wage, whereas he had worked on the rigs for years and had to give it up to be around for his family so taken a massive hit on his earning potential by switching fields. Likewise, I have been a SAHM to my 2 DS's for the last 10 years (between uni) because I was a single parent. Not much choice there. But now I am pregnant again to a new partner, I will still be the SAHP because he earns far more than my potential income will be. That doesn't make my father a better feminist than me because he bucked 'tradition' while I cow down to it. It just means we both made a decision based on our personal circumstances.
I always find it interesting in threads such as this that feminist seems to automatically equal female. Surely that undermines some pretty basic tenets of what feminism is about?
Have I been wrong all my life in assuming that a feminist is simply someone who sees the inequality between sees and seeks to redress the balance a bit, regardless of their own gender?
Has Bill Bailey been steering me wrong? 
tinyurl.com/3e6fyay