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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
violethill · 13/04/2011 15:19

You see, your last few posts Show why you're still not getting it OP. No, restaurants should not have to put notices up telling you that you're not welcome with your children, because thats not the issue. Children who are eating a meal without any fuss, or babies who aren't whinging... No problem. Children who are disturbing others ... Big problem.
And as for the suggestion that other diners should consider postponing their meal ... Are you for real??
You came across at first as having just made a poor judgement call, but now you're coming across as genuinely thinking that the rest of the world should fit in around your precious kids.

Innishvickillaune · 13/04/2011 15:20

Amen to that!

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:22

No I don't think they should change their plans to suit me - for the same reasons they shouldn't ask me to change mine to suit them! If you go into a pub/restaurant and don't like it, you leave, you dont ask the staff to get rid of everyone that doesnt suit you.
i also said they could have come and spoken to me were they would have learnt that we wouldn't be there for much longer. Tolerance is my point here, not peoples rights - of course everyone has a right to eat in peace, same as me and my dcs have a right to eat despite having a small baby. Bu it doesn't always work like that, you seem to be assuming that I stood there with my fingers up at them saying "who cares if we ruin your meal" but it wasn't like that.

OP posts:
ForeverNamechanging · 13/04/2011 15:24

and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals)

So the kids were nearly done in your own words right?

15mins is a long time, one of you should of wolfed down you food and gone outside. just because the baby's the centre of your world doesn't mean its mine. I would of complained too.
I say that as a mother of 5 with two that were prone to public meltdowns

porcamiseria · 13/04/2011 15:24

same as me and my dcs have a right to eat despite having a small baby

noone is disputing that! but if baby is screamer why not just eat at home rather than put yourself thru stress!!???

I also take crying baby outside

Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 15:25

'You just don't ask the staff to get rid of everyone that doesn't suit you'.
I assume from this comment that if you were sat next to a group of noisy, swearing, staggering drunks, you would just get on with it and not say anything??

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 15:25

Now YAB-Totally-U.

And have some ketchup with those chips of yours. Wink

JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 15:25

So why didn't you get off your arse and take your baby out?

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 15:26

So, you were in a restaurant with other adults in the group and you felt unable to take your crying baby out to comfort/quieten him? [rolls eyes]

You sound very inconsiderate.

52Girls · 13/04/2011 15:28

The World doesn't revolve around you, y'know.

TandB · 13/04/2011 15:29

"of course everyone has a right to eat in peace, same as me and my dcs have a right to eat despite having a small baby."

Of course you have a right to eat in peace even if your baby cries - but that only applies in your own home or in public places. A restaurant is a private premises and the manager was quite within her rights to speak to you about this issue. You don't have a fundamental human right to eat in a restaurant.

But this does appear to be a classic example of an expectation to be able to do whatever you want to do, regardless of how practical it is or who it affects. If you are the one causing the issue then it is for you to take steps to moderate it. If you choose not to then you can't really get on your high horse if you are asked to do so.

And presumably the other diners were wary of approaching you directly in case they were accused of harassing you or in case you were rude and agressive. Surely going through the manager was entirely appropriate.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:30

No no no, I was suggesting that there were other options for them, that I would have considered if I had been there. If I was out for dinner with dh and walked into a restaurant with kids, we would promptly leave and find somewhere else. As Billy connolly once said, kids are like farts, proud of your own, don't want to be around anyone elses.

I get that not everyone wants to listen to a crying baby, who does? Who wants to watch a toddler have a tantrum? But it happens and I just thought there were less rude ways of dealing with it.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 13/04/2011 15:30

But they did come and speak to you didn't they?
I'm also getting really confused about the eating plan. Were there 100s of you all eating in relays or something?
You say you don't expect people to do stuff to suit you, and then expect them to do exactly that!

And here we go again with the "continentals" are more child friendly.....

HarrietHeterodoxy · 13/04/2011 15:31

If I were at a really expensive restaurant I would care I suppose. Although I'm still close enough to the baby stage that I think it's the parents I would feelo bad for that they couldn't enjoy their meal!!! I can so remember trying to wolf my food down in five minutes and breast feeding during my meals.

At Zizzi at the time of day you mention, I personally wouldn't. It sounds to me like the other diners were being a bit anal and forgetting what it's really like to have very young children. Probably they think they were always perfect parents.

Bucharest · 13/04/2011 15:31

PS did you not think that going out at what we all remember as being arsenic hour with a newborn might possibly not be the best idea?????
Of course you have every right to do so, but dear god, spare the rest of us.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 15:32

"No no no, I was suggesting that there were other options for them"

You mean other options that don't inconvenience you?

Innishvickillaune · 13/04/2011 15:33

Tolerance for kids is one thing.. I am all for tolerance for kids, but you want to be able to pretend that your child isn't screaming (crying for FIFTEEN MINUTES at 6 weeks is unlikely to be "grumbling") so you can get on and have a chat because it suits you, and anyone who it doesn't suit should move to another establishment? Come the fuck off it!

You were being most unreasonable to your baby, actually.

Bucharest · 13/04/2011 15:33

lolol, no really, OP, please stop digging that hole.
So, the other diners could have fucked off for half an hour till the relay-dinner that you seemed to be having was over and you'd gone home?
But you couldn't have sent one of the however many big people with you outside with Junior????

Goblinchild · 13/04/2011 15:33

So, you book a table at a restaurant you like and get ready to go out with friends. When you get there, you want to enjoy the meal with a general hubub of people around you, including children.
But one baby is crying for an extended period of time.
You should give up on the idea of a delicious pizza and good surroundings and go somewhere else?
Or complain and watch the relief on the faces of the other diners who didn't know what to do about the racket?

SoupDragon · 13/04/2011 15:35

TBH, you sound like the kind of parent that gives parents a bad name.

Innishvickillaune · 13/04/2011 15:36

Actually, when I was pregnant I remember going to a pub out in the country where there was a large family with a tiny baby SCREAMING the place down. Screaming, screaming, screaming. It was really, really unnerving. My mother had come to visit for the weekend from Ireland and it was really distressing her, she couldn't concentrate on her conversation etc.

It is often distressing for people to listen to parents let their newborns cry. They are not being intolerant, they are actually upset at what you can ignore.

I am amazed that you posted this in AIBU when you were so sure that you are right!

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:36

And as I have mentioned, I was wolfing down my food so as to leave...dp wasn't there as was working and the plan was to eat it and beat it. And if the baby had been near other diners I would have gone outside but it had started raining (admittely only lightly) hence decision to eat and go, rather than prolong it.

I did what I thought was best at the time, and of course my priority was my childs welfare, over a pair of strangers. Would be again even after your posts.

As I also said, he stopped crying quite soon afterwards so wasn't like they were in it for the evening.

OP posts:
meadowlarks · 13/04/2011 15:37

Oh dear, OP. Have a Biscuit

violethill · 13/04/2011 15:38

You seem to be tying yourself up in knots now, OP.

Let me get this right..... if you went out for a cosy meal with your DH, and your evening was being disturbed, you would change your plans and walk off elsewhere?

Yet you are also banging on about your "rights" to not have to change your plan one iota, even though it is was your child who was causing a disturbance!

Surely the point is, that people should acknowledge a 'baseline' of what is acceptable behaviour. If you go to a restaurant, it's reasonable to expect to be able to relax and enjoy your evening without disturbance from crying babies, shrieking adults... any noise which is infringing others rights. And the onus is on whoever is responsible for the disturbance to change their plan - not everyone else. In this case, you took your baby along, you were responsible.

huffythethreadslayer · 13/04/2011 15:39

I love babies. I expect them to come across them crying in McDonalds, Frankie & Benny's, any chain where kids menus are featured. In a restaurant for grownups? I'd want my peace and quiet. I live with little kids every day, doesn't mean I want to be near them every minute of every day. I'd complain if a small baby was crying persistently whilst I tried to eat my meal in peace. I wouldn't really give a monkeys about the mum, just like you don't give a monkeys about the other people in the restaurant. When mine was little, she was babysat, or I didn't go out. I guess I was just the kind of parent who didn't want to inflict my small crying baby on other people if I could avoid it.

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