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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 13/04/2011 14:46

YANBU - family restaurant at 6pm - if people want to avoid children they should eat later or go somewhere less familyfied. Anyone whose eve would have been spoiled by someone's baby crying could benefit from a bit of empathy and emotional resilience. 15 mins really is a short amount of time anyway.

squeakytoy · 13/04/2011 14:51

Just because it is a family restaurant, doesnt mean that anyone should put up with a baby constantly crying. Some people go to eat at 6pm because they assume it will be fairly quiet, no drunken people having a party and making lots of noise either.

If I went out with my husband, I want to chat with him, have a bit of light music tinkling away in the background, even other peoples normal level of chatter is fine, but a wailing child is just very distracting.

And Zizzi is an italian restaurant chain for everyone, not a place geared specifically at children, where you would expect a higher level of noise.

LDNmummy · 13/04/2011 14:51

Anyone I know with a baby (family and close friends) take the baby to the toilet, foyer or outside if weather permits and baby is continuously fussing. Its just nicer for everyone in a restaurant setting, especially when it is quiet.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 14:52

I don't think you are all in the wrong, I think you are all entitled to your opinion, which is what I asked for. If I am in the wrong to take my kids out to tea then they need to put signs up at the door! Am supposed to be meeting friends for lunch tomorrow, maybe I shouldn't go and stay in til he is 10!

In all seriousness, I wanted to canvas opinion - I know how long he cried for as it started when Mum arrived and had stopped 15mins later. Of course this doesn't seem as long for me as it did another diner, I am his mum and would listen all night if I had to (although hope he never puts this to the test!!)
When I was on a plane with ds1, he cried and the girl next to me did everything she could to distract him - she was so swear I could have cried. Everyone is different, what some will tolerate, others won't - fair enough

OP posts:
Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 14:54

sweetnot swear

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 13/04/2011 14:54

Think you sound very reasonable 40- maybe if others were as tolerant you could've enjoyed dinner with your lovely children Smile

Insomnia11 · 13/04/2011 14:56

I wouldn't expect to eat in peace and quiet in Zizzis - it's not the sort of place you'd go for a cosy romantic meal, it's a place for big groups and families with children. I bet if the OP had gone later (though unforch probably past baby's bedtime) you wouldn't have heard the baby over the general din anyway.

Though I think the general rule is if eating out with a baby - unless they are sound asleep- you don't linger over your meal, take them outside to calm them down, and if they don't calm down you go home asap. Same goes for toddlers or any kids really. The worse time for eating out with my two DDs was about 18 months. Was a case of sticking to places with somewhere to play - bringing her ito the table only when the food came then letting her play again...soon as they got more towards two they were ok - and they are both very motivated by food so that helps :)

Bf at the table is perfectly normal and can be done v discreetly. I certainly perfected a one handed eating technique! People would often think the baby was asleep not feeding. Though I did try and get a corner table when intending to bf so I wasn't "overlooked" by other customers.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 13/04/2011 14:58

YABU....I have always taken mine out when they cry.....

LDNmummy · 13/04/2011 15:02

There is NOTHING wrong with BF at the table. Honestly where are I am from women will whip their breasts out to feed anywhere and at anytime. This country has such a rediculous body taboo issue and it is making the lives of mothers who choose to BF very hard.

mayorquimby · 13/04/2011 15:02

I'm with the yabu crowd on this one

JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 15:03

Never mind the other diners how could you want to eat while you hear your baby crying?It drives me mad!I know I can't enjoy my meals when my LO's are making a fuss.You could have taken your baby out for 5-10 mins then when your other friends/family have finished their meal ask them to do you a favour and entertain LO while you eat.If not ask the staff to put your food in a take out bag and eat at home.
And 15mins is very long time.How do know the other people weren't having a well deserved break from their LO's?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 15:03

If I was the girl sitting next to you on the plane, OP, I'd be doing what I could to make your baby smile too... there would have been NO escape, where could I go?... Grin

Dozer · 13/04/2011 15:05

Yabu.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:06

Thanks insomnia, the complainers hadn't had their meal yet and we were half way through ours (kids had finished) so it wasn't like they thought they were in for the long haul, Just felt like we were being kicked out and surely that's more for people who are being abusive or rude!

They could have asked the wait staff to hold their meal for 10/20 til we had gone or gone to a restaurant next door, or to a pub for a quick drink and come back (before i get flamed i know they dont HAVE to do any of these things, am just thinking of options i would explore if i was in a similar situation) or even spoken to us themselves - and when bfing am always discreet, so I don't think that was the issue as they probably hadn't even noticed

OP posts:
TandB · 13/04/2011 15:07

I have to say, if I was in a restaurant and DS had cried for 15 minutes at 6 weeks I would have left and gone home, assuming that he was extremely unhappy about something and that it needed dealing with.

Goblinchild · 13/04/2011 15:09

'They could have asked the wait staff to hold their meal for 10/20 til we had gone or gone to a restaurant next door, or to a pub for a quick drink and come back '

Shock Not flaming, just amazed you posted that.

NorkyButNice · 13/04/2011 15:09

I would say 6pm in Zizzi on a Sunday I'd expect to see kids and families so anyone expecting a quiet romantic evening meal is being totally unreasonable. BUT listening to a baby cry for a long time is horrible - if you and your partner couldn't stop him or her then you should have popped it in the pram and taken it out for a walk while the other rushed down their food.

DH and I went out to a 2 star Michelin restaurant at 8.30 one night in New York for our first date since DS1 was born, only to be faced with someone bringing their baby in a car seat and parking it under a table where it cried, snuffled and pooed all night. Totally unreasonable!

JazzieJeff · 13/04/2011 15:10

No, I didn't mean the 'bad old uk' but the op did say that the baby wasn't crying the whole time. I do think (from a recent experience in France) that taking children out over there in the evening does seem to be more acceptable; where we went they seemed pleased to have our ds. He did cry a bit, but only because he was hungry and stopped when hed had some food. In the UK I do think it's frowned on a bit to take babies out in the evening; I would feel a bit conscious and on edge that he would cry or play too loudly the whole time. Perhaps the baby was crying too much; I wasn't there, but my point is that I think it's harder to take a baby out here.

A friend of mine recently took her baby out to a small restaurant in our town in the evening, and she said she could feel people's eyes burning through her, as if to say 'why isn't that child in bed?!' even though she didn't make a sound.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:10

Yes lyingwitch point taken but she didn't just sit and roll her eyes. She sympathized - lots of babies cry on planes during take off landing. But she was tolerant. That was my point. And Spanish. No that that means anything.....

OP posts:
JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 15:10

Oh come on OP!The waiters are hardly going to encourage their customers to go and spend money in another pub!And how on earth are they to know that you're about to leave?You could've ordered deserts then coffees etc etc..list goes on.

Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 15:11

'They could have asked the wait staff to hold their meal for 10/20 til we had gone or gone to a restaurant next door, or to a pub for a quick drink and come back '
WTF???? You seriously think other people should change their plans because of your noisy baby??? Unbelievable.

TandB · 13/04/2011 15:13

"They could have asked the wait staff to hold their meal for 10/20 til we had gone or gone to a restaurant next door, or to a pub for a quick drink and come back"

No, No, No, OP. The entire world should not have to change their plans to absolve you of taking fairly simple steps to resolve the situation.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 15:14

And didn't go straight home as my older 2 were eating their dinner, so couldn't exactly whip it out from under them and march them out. And I WAS rushing my food down so we could go, I wasnt sitting back guzzling wine ignoring the poor thing!

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 15:15

Also, who's to say another inconsiderate person parent might not bring another bawling baby in to the restaurant as soon as you leave?

activate · 13/04/2011 15:17

you are totally mad

if your baby cries in a restaurant, cinema, theatre, school play it is your duty to take it outside to settle it

it is not anyone else's job to listen to it or let it upset their meal, film, play or child's performance

you have a window of course - quiet gurgling / sobbing is fine - a minute of crying is acceptable - anything beyond swoop it up, take it out, calm it down bring it back

same goes for a tantrum by the way and also for toddler shouting / shrieking

it's basic manners