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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
LifeIsButtercream · 13/04/2011 13:45

You see, I think YANBU dons hard hat

If you were leaving the baby to scream in a car seat, for example, and doing nothing to settle him then I can see why people may have complained, but you were doing what you could to settle the baby so it's not like you were being inconsiderate!

Little babies cry, and I don't think you were doing anything wrong by being out for a meal. If I was in your shoes I might have given up, or taken bubs for a walk outside, but I think YANBU for being upset by them asking you to leave, it's uncomfortable enough when you're struggling to settle a baby in public, and they made you feel moreso.

If I was in a resteraunt and a parent was struggling to settle a newborn, I would not complain, because I'm a parent and I've been in their shoes. If I wanted to eat without the inconvenience of other people and their respective noises I would eat at home. With the TV off.

activate · 13/04/2011 13:47

yabu - crying babies get taken outside - end of story

idratherbeboarding · 13/04/2011 13:48

YABU. If I go to a restaurant, it's because I want to have a pleasurable and relaxing experience. Being forced to listen to someone's baby crying would certainly ruin the experience for me. Personally, I wouldn't have complained, but I can see how this might be too much for some people to tolerate.

TheVisitor · 13/04/2011 13:49

I'm well past the baby stage now, and if I go out for a meal (a rare thing), I don't want to listen to a squawking baby, I want to enjoy my meal. I think YABU.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 13:50

Im past the baby stage too Visitor - I started on solids last week!

Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 13:52

So Lifeisbuttercream, it's just tough luck on all of the other diners if a baby is crying? So all of the other diners should have to stay at home if they want a peaceful meal just because the odd parent can go out with their baby? How utterly selfish.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 13:53

Thanks for the replies haven't had a chance to read them all yet but will take the time to later. Just to point out though, I don't think 6pm is an unreasonable time to eat out with kids, he wasn't even near the couple who complained & there were only 4 tables being waited on in a large restaurant, so he wasn't "in their face" as it were. Also, it wasn't non stop crying all evening, it was about 15 mins of whinging (not full on crying, blue in the face crying!) I of course would have taken him outside. And generally he is a very contented little thing, so didn't think twice about taking him out and about, especially as the older kids needed to eat. Oh and it was my birthday and I didn't want to cook! Grin

I suppose I was just surprised by what I thought was a family friendly restaurant (highchairs, change facilities etc) and the staff weren't horrible about it but the message was basically, quieten him down or leave. And I was shovelling my food down as it was so we could eat and go! Please don't think I expect diners to listen to a wailing child ALL evening but I do expect a certain amount of tolerance of a small baby.

We all got up and left anyway, without finishing our meals, for the poster who asked the outcome.

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 13/04/2011 13:53

Well done, Changing. Grin I'm also fully potty trained. Grin

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 13:54

next week Im going to Pizza Hut Grin

lili2010 · 13/04/2011 13:55

When ours were at the little baby stage we certainly would have taken them outside when crying, or I would discreetly stick said baby on boob to appease crying. If they are boisterous or noisy now in a restaurant, they are warned once they will be taken outside which is usually enough. If they still don't behave they are taken outside. It's how we have always done it and it has worked for us. I do think it is more thoughtful to the other diners not to expose them to constant crying or boisterous badly behaved older children. I love seeing babies and children in restaurants but don't understand how some parents think it's OK to let a toddler lie across a restaurant floor in the path of waiting staff traffic with hot plates of food. It's a common sense issue really.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 13:57

And as for "wrecking" soneones evening, if 15 mins of a crying baby wrecks someones evening matbe they shouldnt go out! For what it's worth, wen we left he did a big fart and dozed off! Typical!

OP posts:
LifeIsButtercream · 13/04/2011 13:58

Hammy I'm just talking from my point of view, if I go to a restaurant I know I'll be sharing it with other people, people who may speak/laugh loudly, parties of people getting a bit merry, people with children (cos 6pm ain't late!) people with babies (because they aren't lepers). I wouldn't expect quiet, besides the incident OP described was at a family-friendly restaurant, at a relatively early time - not silver-service at the Ritz.

Just my view, enjoy!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 13:58

40Weeks... I think perhaps the crying was louder and longer than you thought. The restaurant wouldn't willingly tell a customer to quieten down or leave.

Even people with babies mostly don't want to listen to somebody else's crying baby... even if they're moderately deaf to their own offspring's noise. You're unlikely to find tolerance of 15 minutes crying and the baby should have been taken out by you or your husband.

TheVisitor · 13/04/2011 13:58

40 weeks, I would have felt the same as you when I had babies, or very similar, but now I'm an old fart with grown up children, I don't want to listen to 5 minutes of crying, never mind 15.

GypsyMoth · 13/04/2011 14:00

15 mins of a whinging baby!!

no thanks!! would spoil it for me too

ya still bu!!

Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 14:03

Well the majority of people on this thread seem to think YABU. Do you seriously think we are all in the wrong? The noise of babies crying is different to the general hum of noise and laughter. It is designed to attract attention for survival.

lili2010 · 13/04/2011 14:04

Being exposed to 15 minutes of crying is quite a long time actually. Imagine if a couple had hired a babysitter and popped out to get a well earned break from their own newborn crying for a couple of hours. Or someone who can't afford to eat out very often had put some money aside and it was a long awaited treat. Just a little bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss.

LifeIsButtercream · 13/04/2011 14:11

Hammy, nah I don't think you are all 'in the wrong', as everyone is entitled to their opinion, and mine happens to be different.

bamboostalks · 13/04/2011 14:12

This is Zizzis fgs at 6pm, not Petrus at 9pm. People need to get a grip, it is a family restaurant and markets itself as such. Babies crying go with the territory. As for the poster who went to Pizza Hut at 6pm and was surprised to see the place crawling with kids...well words fail me! Why on earth would you pay for a sitter to go anywhere at 6pm and why chose Pizza Hut????

YANBU

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 14:12

I know I always feel very unsettled about young child cries. I want to go and sort them out myself or I get very irritated, which others mistake for anger.

I cannot switch this particular noise off as I can with other noises (and I am an absolute master of noise filtering having worked on a busy trading floor for 12 years).

violethill · 13/04/2011 14:15

Brave of you to come back OP!

I still think 15 minutes of crying is unreasonable. Maybe youve heard worse, and maybe it was "whinging" rather than full on screaming - but the point is, it was disturbing other customers.

No one is saying you have to hide away with your baby, or that you shouldnt have a birthday treat, just that there are ways and means of doing things. You could have opted for a takeaway round your house, or booked a babysitter and expressed milk, or staggered the adults meals so one person could push the pram up and down outside. Can't have been much fun shovelling your meals down quickly anyway, so it seems like no one gained here - you disturbed other people's evening out, and felt rushed and hassled over yours.

Maybe saying that it "wrecked" people's evening is a bit OTT, but it clearly irritated and annoyed them and made their evening less pleasant - and your response that maybe they shouldn't go out is really bizarre and selfish. Your family doesn't trump everyone elses!

buttonmooncup · 13/04/2011 14:27

It wouldn't bother me if a baby was crying tbh - not a 6 week old who was being fed/comforted anyway. I did always take mine out if they were crying though as I realise not everyone can be as tolerant as me!
Now if only restaurants would eject groups of males who've had too much to drink loudly telling "jokes" and bellowing into mobile phones cos that IS annoying!

Stangirl · 13/04/2011 14:31

YABU - sorry. I have taken DD to many different sorts of restaurants and if she cries we immedaitely take her outside until she quietens down (or bf her at table when I was doing that). It is entirely unreasonable to expect other diners to put up with a crying baby.

Saddlesore · 13/04/2011 14:32

Sorry, I know your six-week-old bundle is the centre of your world right now, but to the other diners your baby was just a noise-centre. I understand why you were upset but on balance I sympathise more with the other diners. I doubt they complained at the first squeak - you were more likely at first to attract feelings of sympathy and "we've all been there", but you would have lost that goodwill if the wailing was persistent and encroached on their enjoyment of what was meant to be a relaxing meal. It would have been best to disappear as soon as it was obvious that the little grizzly bear wasn't going to give in and the evening would then have been less stressful for everyone (including the poor staff who had to transmit the request).

minipie · 13/04/2011 14:37

YABU

Yes other diners should have a small amount of tolerance but not 15 minutes of crying. 2 minutes maybe.

A crying baby is a really, really hard sound to ignore and makes people feel very tense and anxious (it's designed to...)