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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 21:24

IMHO there are just some things you can't reasonably expect to do easily with young babies. Maybe eating out at this time is one of them. Compassion and understanding go both ways - I'd never expect someone to put up with my children crying while they tried to enjoy a quiet meal. Again, have I missed something? Why couldn't one of the other adults take the baby somewhere else while the others ate?

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:25

MissBetsy - I don't understand that either.

Confused
ilovesooty · 13/04/2011 21:25

I work in the city centre and quite often go out to a restaurant with my colleagues to unwind after work. So yes, we eat about 6pm.

I wouldn't expect my meal to be spoiled by a whinging newborn and a mother who hasn't the basic manners to take him out.

I'd have complained to the management too.

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:28

"Plus there're worse noises than crying babies. "

  • but that's a totally subjective opinion

OK, so you personally didn't mind sitting next to a huge group of drunken singing people. But many people do mind. And for some people, the sound of a baby crying may feel worse than many other noises. That's the point about noise isn't it - what isn't a big problem for one person may be exactly the thing that grates badly on another.

Which is why the considerate thing to do is not to bring your own personal opinions into play -"Oh I don't mind crying baby/drunken adults/shrieking teenagers" (delete as appropriate)

It's about recognising that people should behave respectfully towards one another. I think it's entirely possible to concentrate on one's own life while expecting some basic respect from others

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 21:30

TotallyandUtterly good point

the baby was crying on and off, fair enough if he was screaming the place down for a full half an hour, then i'm sure the OP would have taken him outside.

our country as a whole is not very family/baby friendly. are we supposed to stay indoors and not enjoy any family meals out for the first 6 months of a child's life?

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 21:32

op said baby cried for 15min.thats 15min to long by my watch

colditz · 13/04/2011 21:32

"plus there are worse noises than crying babies"

Um .... no. Not in my opinion. Give me gangs of drunken twats any day. Crying babies make a special noise, that goes right through your ear and into your hindbrain. the very pitch and frequency is designed to ramp up your blood pressure, and that is exactly what it does. It can be the most irritating sound known to man.

G1nger · 13/04/2011 21:34

Actually, I'd like the gang of drunken twats to be kicked out too. But rather than complaining, I'll just never go back to those places.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:34

The whole point is the baby was crying, no one took it outside, they were asked to take him outside and didn't.

No one knows the reasons why the other diners were in the restaurant - maybe one of the couples had just had a stillborn or lost a baby - that is the whole point YOU JUST DON'T KNOW.

All we do know is the baby crying was upsetting other diners, they were asked to take him outside, and didn't.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:37

As I said, we do take our DCs out if they play up. However, I think it is extremely rude to complain about someone else- particularly when it is a young, crying baby- it's not easy to always make the right choice when you're a new mum. Perhaps the complainers were chewing loudly or tutting loudly or something else just as annoying?

Respect should go both ways. Totally agree that in a family place at tea time, people should expect families and the problems that come with families. Such as noise.

If the restaurant was a family place, the manageress should certainly not have asked a child to leave. Surely people would just put this down to experience? People are just horrible these days.

I would have taken the baby out, fair enough, but I certainly wouldn't have complained about someone's baby. Babies sometimes make noises. Then they settle one minute and all seems to be fine- then maybe get grumpy again. That's life.

ilovesooty · 13/04/2011 21:37

If she had manners instead of an overblown sense of entitlement she'd have taken him out without being asked.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:38

But totally - she thought the other diners should go somewhere else for 20 minutes so she could eat her meal.

Rather than take the baby outside.

ilovesooty · 13/04/2011 21:39

So it's now "horrible" to want an adult meal without listening to grizzling babies?

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 21:39

JingleMum nobody is saying that you shouldn't take children/babies to a restaurant, just that you have to accept that other people can get upset by your children's behaviour and that it is then your responsibility as a parent to deal with the situation.
The world would be a better place when we would be tolerant of all people, not just people with children.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:39

Blonde- obviously that's a ridiculous idea, I'm certainly not defending that.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:40

But totally that's what the OP said that got people's backs up

That's when it all went a bit YABU

colditz · 13/04/2011 21:41

home.earthlink.net/~nickthompson/texts/A%20Reassessment%20of%20the%20Role%20of%20Pitch%20and%20Duration%20in%20Adults%27%20.pdf

An interesting study detailing why small babies crying tend to irritate people.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:41

No, it's horrible to complain about a new mum who was struggling away trying to settle her baby and would presumably not put herself in that situation again for a long time. I would have empathised and been embarrassed for her. If I was dining with her, I would have offered to take baby outside so that she could eat her meal and then swapped over.

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:42

"Respect should go both ways"

But there is no suggestion that the other diners were being disrespectful. Where does it say that other diners were chewing loudly, or tutting or doing anything inconsiderate?

The scenario is that other diners made a complaint to the manager (ie absolutely correctly, not confronting OP themselves) and the manager then dealt with it appropriately.

Where on earth is the lack of respect from anyone else, other than the OP who definitely does have a bad case of overblown entitlement

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:43

And she wasn't a 'new mum' - she mentioned later on that this was her dc3.

Anyway, as has been said before, having a baby (first or otherwise) does not render people incapable of basic manners and consideration.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 21:44

Totally - I agree completely that someone of them should have taken the baby out.

I don't agree that other diners were wrong to complain - I personally cannot stand to hear a baby cry - it goes right through me and it would've ruined my evening to listen to it for 15 minutes.

And I would have probably said nothing.

But as I said, we don't know why the other diners were out to dinner or what their background was.

Again, bottom line, they were asked to take the baby out, did not do so, and also the OP believes that the other diners should have left rather than complain.

Hmm
TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:45

Okeydokey, well you carry on complaining and I'll carry on feeling empathy and being nice to and about people and then we're both happy.

violethill · 13/04/2011 21:47

Ah right, so now anyone who believes in showing a bit of respect and consideration for others, is incapable of empathy or indeed of being nice to people?!

Only on Mumsnet, eh Smile

MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 21:48

Agreed, violethill and blonde . No one, least of all me is saying new mothers should never go out. But there are ways of considering the enjoyment of all the diners - like one of the adults taking the baby out.

crystalglasses · 13/04/2011 21:49

Some babies (older than 6 weeks though) have a loud piercing scream that actually hurts my head. I hear them in supermarkets sometimes and look at the mother, who seems oblvious to it. I really think that once your own children have grown, noise toleration levels decrease. This isn't just being a fussy older woman, it's that the noise really hurts me.