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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
bemybebe · 13/04/2011 20:46

Jinglemum "OP - i can imagine you were upset, the management handled it totally wrong and must have made you feel uncomfortable. maybe next time just take baby outside for a walk until he settles."

Haha, that is what virtually everyone was saying to OP in a sympathetic tone for the first 15 (or whatever) pages of this thread. She disagreed. She said that the dinners should have taken a walk themselves for the 20mins whilst she was finishing her food. Anything else? Wink

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 20:47

It's not a BF issue though - that's not the issue.

The issue is that the baby was crying, and none of the five adults in the party took him outside to try to settle him and to let the OP eat her meal

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/04/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 13/04/2011 20:47

agree with scottishmummy this is about adults not acting appropraiately

squabbling children and noisy children should also be taken out of a restaurant to be talked to and then returned

they should learn standard social rules as early as possible and then you can take them to any restaurant you want to because they know to sit and talk quietly and not make a big huge fuss when out in a public place of enjoyment

ledkr · 13/04/2011 20:49

sm i know but i mean the actual tolerance for children in the uk is low,this includes idiots who think bf is tabboo-and im ff my 9wk old so an unbiased opinion.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 20:50

Oh I should add.

One of my DS's is 21. He vividly remembers the one and only time he played up at a family dinner and I took his arm in "the grip of death" and took him outside to the back of the hotel where his granny couldn't see me and gave him a stern talking to.

He never did it again Grin

Adults need to take responsibility for their kids behaviour and deal with it appropriately - and before I get jumped on, the baby couldn't help it, but the adults in the party should have dealt with it better.

maddy68 · 13/04/2011 20:50

to be fair, I would never have allowed my baby to disturb other diners nothing to do with 'sisterhood' she should have had more sense and taken the baby outside until it had stopped crying, what about the empathy for the other diners who are having their evening ruined?

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 20:52

TotallyandUtterley and Ledkr - i'm glad some people agree, it frightens me how much other mothers can be so unsympathetic.

bemybebe i didn't see the OP post that and to be honest i haven't seen too many sympathetic posts.

ledkr · 13/04/2011 20:52

its a wee bit chilly here to take baby outside-pedantic but true Grin

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 20:53

Jinglemum - that is partly why

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 20:55

40Weeks Wed 13-Apr-11 15:06:10

Thanks insomnia, the complainers hadn't had their meal yet and we were half way through ours (kids had finished) so it wasn't like they thought they were in for the long haul, Just felt like we were being kicked out and surely that's more for people who are being abusive or rude!

They could have asked the wait staff to hold their meal for 10/20 til we had gone or gone to a restaurant next door, or to a pub for a quick drink and come back (before i get flamed i know they dont HAVE to do any of these things, am just thinking of options i would explore if i was in a similar situation) or even spoken to us themselves - and when bfing am always discreet, so I don't think that was the issue as they probably hadn't even noticed

violethill · 13/04/2011 20:55

"it frightens me how much other mothers can be so unsympathetic."

I don't think it's a lack of sympathy - we've all been there, all mothers have experienced the fractious crying of a baby who won't settle or be comforted. That's why we wouldn't inflict it on other people.

frantic51 · 13/04/2011 20:56

JingleMum my empathy is with the folk who have shelled out good money to enjoy a meal in peace, and so, rightfully, was the restaurant management's.

What's all this about ordering the adults' meals a bit later than the kids' as well? Who on earth goes out to eat as a family and then orders in relays?

I have been reminded of a similar situation which I had quite forgotten about. A few years ago I took DD2 out for an early evening meal at Pizza Express to celebrate her winning a scholarship. We are not a wealthy family and I thought long and hard about where I could afford to take her.

DD was 12 years old at the time and we were having a lovely quiet time, chatting away, when in came two women with 2 babies, 2 toddlers and three other children, all looking under 6 years old, between them and took the two tables next to us, pushed together. (The babies were actually very quiet btw)

They put the toddlers in high chairs and ordered meals for the children. When the kids' meals arrived, they put in their own order and proceeded to feed toddlers. (babies still asleep in seats). When the children had finished eating they gave them crayons and colouring books and set about having their own meal. First the toddlers started whinging, so they took them out of their high-chairs and put them on the floor and then the other kids started to wander about. Then the babies started so they were got out of their seats and were breast-fed (mums still eating one-handed). One of the toddlers had very sticky hands and, having taken a shine to DD, kept coming over and putting his hands on her knee. After a while, I politely asked the mum nearest me if she could possibly wipe his hands as DD's skirt was becoming sticky. She replied, "Can't you see I've got my hands full you selfish cow!" This after nearly an hour of listening to the mayhem from the table while trying to ignore and get on with our meal! Hmm

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 20:56

Sorry posted too soon.

That's the post that got my back up - there's a massive sense of entitlement in the tone.

Also, how would the other diners know how long you were going to stay OP? How were they to know if you were half way through, or were going to have dessert and then linger over coffee?

They didn't know how long you were going to be. Confused

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 20:58

Note to self:
Can't expect to eat out at 6pm-even if a good reason for doing to-e.g. theatre-you have to allow for the fact that you have to put up with selfish adults who must come first!

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:59

frightened,eh?gads you'll be up all night on mn then.all the women disagreeing
there is no rule that us sistas or mammies stick together

MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 21:07

If you are an elderly person, who likes to eat early evening, then you can't expect a meal not spoilt by crying!
How dare anyone try and have a peaceful meal when someone has a new baby-they must understand! (a bit unfair as most have been there, done it and put themselves out for the sake of fellow diners).

G1nger · 13/04/2011 21:12

I think it's the job of the adults at the table to take the child outside as soon as it starts crying and calm it down. It may be a pain, but there it is. I did it for my niece last time I was out with her parents and she was playing up, and I'd expect to take this approach with my own children in future.

I do think that the manager could have handled it better, however, if indeed she did tell you (as you've since said) to quieten the baby or leave - rather than just step outside. But the point is that it shouldn't have come to this. You should have taken it upon yourself to go outside sooner.

It's perfectly possible that your baby was making more noise than you credit, or that the other diners were overly sensitive. In the circumstances, it sounds like everyone got annoyed.

We live and learn, I'm sure...

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 21:13

scottishmummy i'm well aware that there's no rules that us mummies or sisters must stick together, you've only got to read a thread on here to know that. but wouldn't the world be a better place if we did stick together a bit more?

i guess i just have a different mindset to most of you, i just feel that if you're going to go for dinner at 6pm then you need to accept that there may be families there with young children and you might not get the quiet, peaceful meal that you want. rather than complain to management, how about having a bit of compassion and understanding. i'm sure the OP would have taken the baby out eventually.

frantic51 · 13/04/2011 21:15

MadamDeathstare I tried that once when I was much younger (pre DC, I was about 21/22 I think) I was told, "no thank you very much" and given a very peculiar look, so would never try again!

I think some people just never think about anyone other than themselves whether they are new mums or not! Hmm

BluddyMoFo · 13/04/2011 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 13/04/2011 21:20

YABU.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 21:20

i dont make decisions based upon on solely upon gender,and nor i suspect do most others

world will be better place when people use judgement,empathy,common sense to appraise situation- not gender and not us chaps stick together or us lassies stick together

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 21:21

Again, I agree, Jingle.

Plus there're worse noises than crying babies. I went to a restaurant last week with a huge group of noisy, drunken, singing adults. The management came over and asked if we'd like to move tables, but I said no, not to worry and laughed it off. It's just about being tolerant of other people and concentrating on your own life rather than trying to make other people's even more difficult.