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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 19:42

The OP still hasn't realised how ridiculous she has been. That is what I find annoying.

Hammy02 · 13/04/2011 19:45

Roseflower, seriously. You think it is OK to risk ruining the night of a bunch of strangers for the sake of your potentially noisy baby??? Seriously? I would spell it out but dont want to patronsise parents.

keepcalmandeatcake · 13/04/2011 19:46

My own babies crying did go right through me. I really do think it was an instinctive, biological thing. Also when I was a bfing mum any baby crying set off my let down reflex but now I can let baby noise wash over me. It'd be different if I was actually worried about the baby's safety or something but otherwise it's fine. I don't go around with this sense of entitlement that life should be perfect for me. I think life is often messy and unexpected and we should try to lighten up a bit.

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 19:48

I think that it is fine for the mother to stay with a crying baby if she would allow someone like me to take it off her and have a go at soothing-if she is to be the only one to hold the baby (I doubt whether a stranger would be acceptable!) then it is her responsibility, and if she can't soothe it she needs to take it out.
What people hate is having a situation thrust upon them that they have no control over just because someone is selfish. It isn't the baby's fault! At least if an older DC is misbehaving I can have words with them or give them 'my look'. In this case it is down to the mother.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 13/04/2011 19:49

If two adults were there, why couldn't one take the baby outside while the other sat with the older DCs?

HeadfirstForHalos · 13/04/2011 19:49

When we go out for a meal without the children, we do not go early (ie 6pm!) as the restaurant is likely to have young dc in it!

In a family friendly restaurant at 6pm there WILL be the occasional crying baby/whingy toddler.

Personally a newborn cry does not bother me, if the baby is not mine.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 19:52

Gemsy I didn't eat my meal so it can't have been that important. I suppose I just didn't think a crying baby would RUIN someones evening, esp as it wasn't all evening and they hadn't started eating so wasn't thing the meal they had paid for. Thought it awas extreme. Selfish suggests knowing you were upsetting someone and carryin on regardless. Thoughtlessness is when you go ahead without considering others the way you should have. Am happy to be pulled up on the latter, just not the former.

So yes blonde I did ask, but did feel like a witch hunt for a while!

OP posts:
keepcalmandeatcake · 13/04/2011 19:53

Hurrah Headfirst my thoughts exactly.

MaundyBra · 13/04/2011 19:54

Hope you have a good evening OP and congratulations on your newborn. I think you probably realise the consensus of opinion (I also have to agree that you were BU) but I really think that AIBU is going crazy and some posters have overdone it.

CelebratedMonkey · 13/04/2011 19:54

Six weeks is very young to take a baby to a restaurant at 6pm and expect it not to get upset at some point. Even babies who are generally okay at that time aren't totally predictable and that time of night is notoriously bad for most at that age. With an older baby I'd have understood you taking the risk, or taking the baby out for lunch or coffee (though I still think it'd be best no matter what to take the baby outside if crying).

A young baby crying is impossible for many people to ignore. It's not other people being selfish, but not being able to bear the sound. A bit different.

I understand wanting to celebrate your birthday but with a six-week-old I think a takeaway would've been a better option for an evening meal.

I wouldn't have liked going for a nice meal out (especially as so rare for us as we have a young baby too - who we wouldn't take out at that time) and having to listen to an upset child (even if only whinging on and off) for so long.

YWBU.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 19:57

YANBU. Nasty people that complained and very nasty manageress to ask you to leave. I would have left without paying. Hardly customer service, that, is it??

Breastfeeding or crying, it's disgraceful either way. Can't believe some people on here have said otherwise. I think it says more about those people and their attitudes than it does you and your 6 week old baby!!

amythesecond · 13/04/2011 20:03

I got asked to leave church once when I had a whinging newborn Blush I was at my wits end as she never stopped crying. I tried the church creche a few weeks later, and DD got expelled for crying (I was called after about 15 mins). I didn't go back.

Should people in Church should be more understanding than people in a restaurant?.....perhaps not, but it is hard to do a takeaway version.

We ended up not going anywhere for about 12 months as DD1 always cried. Mind you, it was quite effective in the supermarket as I always got straight to the front of the queue as "she was obviously hungry" [snort, like she might stop when I got home].

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:06

yes it says majority think bawling wean is an intrusion,and expect one of the 5adults present to deal with it

as for customer service op and her companions weren't only paying customers,and no one should have to be impinged upon if 5 adults cant deal appropriately with squalling baby

northerngirl41 · 13/04/2011 20:06

TotallyandUtterly If you left with the screaming baby and an unpaid bill, you'll probably have saved the restaurant money in other customers not cancelling their orders or finishing up early to avoid the noise. I don't suppose they'd mind too much as long as you weren't continuing to disturb everyone.

frantic51 · 13/04/2011 20:13

I think church is a bit different. No-one minds a baby crying in church. That having been said, the mums/dads at my church do take the babies out if the weather is ok, if they really can't be comforted (as I used to do with mine when they were little). Usually a bf calms them down though.

The point is that church is open to everyone, free of charge. Some of the other diners might have saved hard for that meal out, including paying a babysitter for their own DCs, and it may well be a very rare luxury for them, or they may have been celebrating a birthday or something themselves. It's really not on to spoil their meal in such circumstances.

Someone said that people shouldn't be going out at that time when they know there will be young children out. Some people haven't got a choice. If they rely on public transport and live somewhere quite remote, their last bus might be ridiculously early. Or they might have had theatre tickets, it's not easy to find restaurants outside London (don't know where you are OP) are serving at that time that aren't "family restaurants".

YABVU

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 20:24

Baby wasn't bawling- it was crying on and off. It was also being breastfed (so wouldn't be able to cry at the time). It's just people being typically whingey. Babies are a part of society. Maybe if we all tried a bit of compassion or, God forbid, empathy, we'd all get on a bit better and stop picking at each other over things that just don't matter in the greater scheme.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 20:25

Just to add to this, if our babies ever cry, DH does take them outside whilst I keep the other calm. But I would never complain about someone else's baby. How rude and self obsessed.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:36

op has said her baby cried for 15min,thats intrusive to ,ost folk

JingleMum · 13/04/2011 20:36

i can't believe how unsympathetic some posters are on here, where is your empathy?

OP - YADNBU!

for god's sake, you'd think that other women who'd had babies and experienced how hard it can be in the beginning would understand where the OP was coming from. where's the sisterhood??

OP - i can imagine you were upset, the management handled it totally wrong and must have made you feel uncomfortable. maybe next time just take baby outside for a walk until he settles.

i'm well aware that crying babies are not pleasant to be around, but i've always found that if it's not your own child and you aren't sitting directly with them (which the stuck up dickheads who threw the complain in weren't) then you can switch off from it. YOU can't control a crying tiny baby, THEY could have moved to a table a bit further away if they were that bothered.

TotallyandUtterly · 13/04/2011 20:39

jinglemum I couldn't agree more.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:39

no,party of 4 adults should deal with crying baby and not impinge upon other diners.unfair to expect other diners to just put up with and get on with it

ledkr · 13/04/2011 20:39

Its zizis not a bloody top class gourmet resturant fgs,it would be reasonable to be pissed off if it were 8 or later but 6 o clock?if you eat out early in cheap family resturants you may encounter families.Where do you draw the line?Squabbling children?noisy children?
I took my dd to pizza hut yesterday and a woman coughed all thru the meal including taking medicine,it was vile and very chesty.I felt irritated and thought she shouldnt be there but didnt complain, Its the kind of child unfriendly intolerence which is prevalent in this country.

ledkr · 13/04/2011 20:42

jingle well said,i am also disappointed that bf mums arent more sympathetic too,after all we are on MUMsnet

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:43

common sense,good parenting is consider others too.soothe the baby and if necessary yes do so outside.and if cannot soothe then unfortunately will have to end meal.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 20:44

no dont turn this into a bf thang.its an adults being selfish thang