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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 18:03

Just for future reference there are lots of places where you should remove a crying baby, school assemblies, theatres etc.

ZZZenAgain · 13/04/2011 18:04

I only have one dc and so you are a more experienced mother than me but I just wonder if the baby was restless for 15 minutes or so and had wind, why you or one of the other adults there couldn't have walked up and down a bit stroking the baby's back in case it was wind. I would have done that (and had a quick sniff I suppose). Maybe that would have done it (maybe not of course but why not try?) and then if one person held the baby and that person's food was taken back to the kitchen to be kept warm, no one would have been annoyed and it could have been a pleasant evening all round.

Were you thinking of writing a complaint?

Anyhow sorry your birthday was ruined by that. When my dd was that age, she screamed every time she saw me sit down to eat. I lost all that pregnancy weight in no time but it was a right pain. I think the sight of me eating triggered something.

MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2011 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 13/04/2011 18:07

I don't suppose the other diners were "offended by a crying baby". I suspect that they were irritated by a selfish mother.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 18:09

indeed,the indignation isnt the baby its the adult inability to act and do something.expecting other people to put up with their bawling wean and just carry on regardless

l

Roseflower · 13/04/2011 18:12

Out of interest if the weather had been appalling and going outside was not an option what would the solution be?

ChristinedePizan · 13/04/2011 18:13

A balanced view, not a barrage of abuse? May I suggest that if you don't get 'a balanced view' in AIBU, it's probably because you're being a tad unreasonable.

I'm sorry that 99% of posters think you're wrong but you know what to do next time - take the baby outside :)

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 18:14

if came by car take baby for 10min drive see if settles

or ask for food in take away box and leave early,if inclement weather means can go outside

grovel · 13/04/2011 18:15

Roseflower, good question. An a acknowledgement to other customers (symbolic standing by door with baby looking frustrated?) and get out ASAP, I suppose.

violethill · 13/04/2011 18:15

If the weather is appalling, or the weather forecast isn't good, take a pram with rain covers and an umbrella. These are the things you need to think about when taking babies out. Presumably they'd have needed these to walk from the car/home to restaurant anyway. Unless the car was parked slap bang outside the restaurant - in which case, sit in the car while baby calms down.

There's always a solution to these things - it's just that the OP wanted solutions which wouldnt inconvenience her, just other people!

grovel · 13/04/2011 18:17

You can "get away with a lot" if you're seen to be trying to reduce inconvenience to others.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 18:20

We were soothing him and patting his back and he would stop and then start again. Have already said before if it happened again I would take him outside but where we were sat in the restaurant wasn't that near others and as I also said it was 6pm so not peak adult time. It's half term and so don't hink I was unreasonable to take kids to somewhere for pizza. What I have been counter arguing is that he wasn't screeching constantly as some were suggesting. And arguing that i wasnt being selfish, i was being thoughtless perhaps but selfish is different and not a nice thing to accuse to someone you dont know! I didn't think the crying compared to "bad behavior" but clearly it did. And again, it's not like we sat there letting him scream away, but have said all his before.

Bathtime for the kids now. Thanks for taking the time to respond

OP posts:
d0gFace · 13/04/2011 18:22

Talk about over thinking a situation.

Hope you had a nice birthday!

einstein1 · 13/04/2011 18:23

charitygirl Wed 13-Apr-11 11:36:47
Well I wouldn't have complained, annoying as a crying baby can be. That's because I'm not a dick.

Trust me. You really are a prize one.

violethill · 13/04/2011 18:24

(Sigh)

No one has said the baby's crying was 'bad behaviour'.

FGS, how can a 6 week old baby behave 'badly?'

Neither were you unreasonable in going out for a meal with your children.

You were being very inconsiderate in not respecting other diners' right to a relaxing and peaceful meal

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 18:30

40weeks I have just read the whole thread.

YABU - sorry but you are. Your baby was grizzling/whinging/crying whatever. This went on for 15 minutes. Someone complained to the management and the manager came over and asked you to take the baby out or leave or whatever.

If I had been in the restaurant and your baby was crying I could not have tuned it out. I would have been unable to enjoy my meal. The noise would have gone right through me and it would have been impossible for me to relax and enjoy my evening out.

The other diners must have been able to hear the baby enough that it was disturbing them or they wouldn't have spoken to the manager about it.

Why is your meal and your birthday more important than mine? Why are you entitled to be there with your crying baby more than me?

And bits and pieces of the story you've painted don't add up.

If there were 4 adults there, someone should have taken the baby outside. Expecting other diners to leave their meal is just completely and utterly unbelievable.

You are 6 weeks post birth and I remember all too well the way that feels, but really you need to start considering other people other than yourself.

Your baby was spoiling someone else's evening out, what you were doing was not quietening it, you were asked to take it outside - I'll guarantee it was noisy and disturbing other people because people generally don't complain to management over something not that noisy and that wasn't going on for that long.

ivykaty44 · 13/04/2011 18:31

MrsTerryPratchett, thats the way I did it, a few meals of mine and coffee's out left as I had to leave as my baby or toddler made to much noise and would have upset others.

It wouldn't matter whether it was 10am in the morning or 6pm in the evening, I would leave and go outside.

I have been in cafes and eating out when babies/toddlers have cryed and cryed and I have watched them upset everyone around, but parents have stayed put - then when they have gone everyone looks at each other and smiles with relief as all we all wanted was the parent to go outside with the baby or child.

I know try to pick places where parents with babies will not go as I don't want to sit and listen to the crying. I didn't make others listen to mine cry but that doesn't seem to count- Unfair

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 18:48

Not comparing the baby to behaving badly, but felt being asked to leave is what you would when someone IS behaving badly iyswim. Evidently I was

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2011 18:49

I have to say, there were smiles of gratitude/relief all round when we left. People are very nice but if I ever get out sans LO, I don't want someone else's crying either! BTW, I've lived in North America and Italy and I have found that people are probably more child friendly but the children are expected to behave impeccably and the parents are expected to manage them so they don't disturb others.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 18:52

op i sympathise with disappointment and meal cut short.i really do.but it goes with the territory,unless you go some place catering for kids and family

have had to cut meals short if baby cried or kids unsettled.cant say i was overjoyed,but also acknowledge it is my responsibility to not impinge upon others

Gemsy83 · 13/04/2011 18:53

YABU you KNOW darn well you are hence the arguing the toss about it all. You are SELFISH not thoughtless as you wanted to eat YOUR meal rather than prevent YOUR baby ruining other people's enjoyment.

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 18:57

MrsTerryPratchett same as my experience in the US and Italy. Lots more children around, but somehow less fuss and less noise. Maybe because other family members are happy and free to tend to the needs of the young or discipline the older kids without being accused of interfering by the children parents. In fact I know this is the case.

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 18:57

40weeks no one is saying you behaved "badly"

Really you need to step away and get a sense of perspective.

This isn't a witch hunt. You started this. You asked were you being unreasonable - you've had an overwhelming "yes you were".

I have had babies out in restaurants. If they were crying/whinging I've taken them outside in the pram and wheeled them, or stood outside.

Why was your meal and your family more important than the other people in the restaurant? Why are you entitled to spoil their evening?

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 18:59

It was 15 minutes of a new born baby crying!

Come on....

YANBU OP!

blondebutonlyfaking · 13/04/2011 19:01

Youaretoo - but with all those adults there, why could someone not have taken the baby out?

OP, out of interest, what does "taking it in turns to soothe him" actually mean? Not having a go, just interested as maybe you were walking him round the restaurant? Or jiggling?