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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
violethill · 13/04/2011 17:36

If your sister asked other diners, as you were leaving, whether the baby had disturbed them, I can quite see that out of embarrassment they were unlikely to launch into "Actually yes, it was spoiling our evening..." Particularly as the manager had already had words with you by then and you were clearly leaving. Most people try to be reasonably polite in such circumstances, and they probably wanted to just get on with their meal rather than be dragged into some sort of debate about it! I hardly think you can use their comments as justification that you weren't causing a problem!

Bottom line is, customers were disturbed and the manager spoke to you about it. Take on board the advice, and take your baby outside next time, or stay at home with a takeaway,or express milk and leave it with a babysitter or any other of the various options open to you. It's not other people's problem to deal with

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:38

Don't think they said they couldn't hear, think they said it hadn't bothered them much (once they realized why we were leaving) it was said to my sister though, not me so can't be sure.

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 13/04/2011 17:38

"Lyingwitch my sister asked them on the way out or they said it as we passed their table. They were nearer to us, so maybe heard the conversation?"

I'm just not buying this...

diabolo · 13/04/2011 17:39

excellent advice violethill

JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 17:42

Why ask as you're leaving if they mind the noise?If you were so bothered about them minding the noise you wouldn't have put the poor buggers through the noise IN THE FIRST PLACE!

KatieWatie · 13/04/2011 17:42

I'd be embarrassed if my baby was crying in a restaurant tbh, to the extent that I wouldn't put myself in that situation and would eat at home. Maybe I'm a coward.

I know it's normal and it's what they do, but it's really unfair to inflict it on other people - what if some of those people were new parents finally getting a break from their own screaming child?

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:43

No jimmychoo I have not said all along I was right you are all wrong, in fact the opposite.

My original query was as to the level of tolerance for a baby. And as I have said, it was a large mostly empty restaurant so the need to go outside didn't feel huge as we weren't in their face in the first place. It's the fact we were asked to leave that really shocked me.

OP posts:
violethill · 13/04/2011 17:46

40 weeks ... you seem determined to keep trying to justify your actions.

Look, I had three kids under five. Been there done that.

I would never have thought it ok to allow any of my children, from birth upwards, to disturb other people on an evening out. It's just plain selfish. And tbh, if I were having a meal out, I would also not appreciate being asked by your sister whether the baby had been disturbing me. It smacks of trying to get other diners 'on side', and I would be worried that you might be trying to involve me in some tit for tat debate. Frankly, I would prefer to just be left alone to enjoy my meal.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:46

Buy what you like marmalade I didn't write everything down in a police report for you.

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 13/04/2011 17:49

I think that once you're at the point of a few adults taking it in turns to try and soothe the baby and it's not working, you can assume it is disturbing for others.

marmaladetwatkins · 13/04/2011 17:49

You're drip-feeding information. Mainly to vindicate yourself in being selfish.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:49

And also, I didn't say she did ask them, she told menue other people had made comment but not how it came about. She could hav apologized to them for all I know and they said "please dont feel the need" I could ring her and ask her but it really doesn't matter that much, does it!? The fact is they had said it wasn't that bad. Obv the other couple didn't think so

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 13/04/2011 17:50

You know you might have been more likely to get away with it if the restaurant hadn't been so quiet. The baby's cries might've got a bit lost in the hustle and bustle.

activate · 13/04/2011 17:54

what will you do next time though

exoticfruits · 13/04/2011 17:54

I agree with violethill. People are out for a social occasion and spending money to enjoy the food and the atmosphere. We have all had crying babies and we have all dealt with them-hopefully without spoiling people's social occasions.

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 17:54

someone else greetin loud wean isnt a wonderful accompaniment to dinner. so yes i understand them asking be quiet or go

get used to knowing where the tolerant family friendly restaurants are,as you will spend lots of time in them - inevitable but true

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:55

If I was so convinced I was right I wouldn't have posted in he first place. I wanted a balanced view, not a barrage of abuse. I don't think i was selfish I think I made an error in judgement. Ever been THERE and done THAT or are you perfect?

OP posts:
Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:56

Activate, answered that one already if you scroll back a bit

OP posts:
redfairy · 13/04/2011 17:56

YABU Even if I was the only diner in the restaurant and a crying baby was disturbing a meal I had paid good money for I would complain. The restaurant management have a duty to maintain an atmosphere that is condusive for eating and a screeching baby aint it!

JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 17:58

OP-' I have not said all along you are wrong and I'm right,infact quite the opposite'

Well then you should say that you're wrong and that you should have taken LO out and apologised for the noise to the other diners(even though kids will be kids and you can't help them crying-it's still polite to say sorry).
But you don't think you're in the wrong do you?You clearly don't get it.

marmaladetwatkins · 13/04/2011 17:58

I don't claim to be perfect. I do, however, reckon I have some basic skills when considering others so yeah, I can safely say that crying child would be taken out/home if it were me.

Like I said earlier, I was totally prepared to defend you until I read your ridiculous "suggestion" that the bothered diners fark orf elsewhere so that YOUR crying kid doesn't spoil THEIR night out. So long as your dinner isn't ruined...

violethill · 13/04/2011 17:58

You've had plenty of responses - about 99% of them saying you were being very unreasonable and inconsiderate. However, that wasn't what you wanted to hear, so you just kept stubbornly trying to justify your actions.

Emmanana · 13/04/2011 17:59

Manager to customers just about to spend £50 or so celebrating a birthday, who raise concerns about a crying baby.

"Sorry customers, you will just have to put up with the noise. I couldn't possibly suggest they take the LO outside, the mother will feel victimised. They may not be here much longer. Why don't you nip to the pub next door for a quick drink?

Sorry, OP you are being unreasonable. Babies will cry, and if it's on public transport, shops etc it can be irritating, and TBH if it happens near me I always make the effort to smile or pull funny faces, or play peek a boo with my paper at the baby, and very often it works and tears lessen.

You choose to stay in the restaurant when the baby is crying, so must be prepared for others annoyance. One or two minutes and you would have my sympathy, any longer and your lack of thought would begin to grate...

scottishmummy · 13/04/2011 18:01

we have all had to do the dash out the door and shush on pavement or leave meal early if baby wont settle. is a fact of parenting sometimes interrupted meals and that your llok out,your responsibility.cant expect other diners to tolerate our baby crying the way you would

familiarise self with places other parents go,as they arent likely to be disturbed

Grabaspoon · 13/04/2011 18:02

This will out me but yesterday I went out for a meal with 3 friends one of whom brought a 10 week old with us - we decided to go for lunch leaving our toddlers with family members but said friend couldn't leave the baby - so .... we chose a time that wouldn't irritate others ie 1.30/1.45 time so that other people had eaten and we would be next to only ones in the restaurant - thankfully the baby didn't cry and we stayed a good 3 hours but had she cried we would have left there and then - no-one including mothers wants to hear a baby cry in a restaurant and we would have made the decision that we shouldn't prevent others enjoy a long leisurely lunch. No way would we have gone in the evening when the baby would be tired/fractious or when others would be trying to enjoy their meal as it wouldn't be fair on us, the baby, other customers.

Also .... why did you order your meals later than the other kids?