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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
frantic51 · 13/04/2011 16:48

OP, you say that the complaining couple could have asked for their meal to be delayed for 10/20 minutes?!!! In my experience, most people who eat that early without DCs with them, do so because they are going on somewhere, to a show or a play. What if they didn't have time to wait another 20 minutes before eating?

I was really quite gentle with you the first time I posted and am fairly slow, generally, to become irritated or annoyed, but you are beginning to get on my nerves a bit tbh Hmm

Cloudydays · 13/04/2011 16:51

YABU for using the word "manageress" :)

She was the manager.

Sorry if someone already said that.

Littlefish · 13/04/2011 16:52

JimmyChooChoo - thank you Smile. Yes, I made the cakes for dd's birthdays. I'd never iced cakes before she was born, so made it a challenge for myself. I remember the fab cakes my mum made for my birthdays, and wanted to give dd the same memories.

AIBU really annoys me for the reason you state, but somehow, I just can't stay away Grin

altinkum · 13/04/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmaladetwatkins · 13/04/2011 16:54

Also, really did not want to get drawn into responding to Gemma's frankly twatty outlook on BFing (and I am very hardline pro-mother's choice re: feeding)

Gemma, maybe your father should look deep inside himself with regards to why he feels "uncomfortable" about his daughter BFing his grandchild. Is he a misogynist dimwit who is determined that breasts are first and foremost a sexual object? Sorry that his attitude seems to have passed on to you. It's THIS type of moronic attitude that means that cafes/restaurants have to display stickers saying that mothers are "welcome" to perform the most natural motherly duty on their premises. Hmm

MaundyBra · 13/04/2011 16:56

Agree with cloudy - she's the manager, but maybe that's another thread.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2011 16:57

I had this happen the other day. Took DD to a family friendly restaurant, she howled on and off, tried to feed her, she didn't want to stop. Got the food to go. My meals are always ruined, other people's don't have to be.

lockets · 13/04/2011 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Diggs · 13/04/2011 17:04

crunchbag i meant i wouldnt have aproached them as a fellow customer .

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 17:10

Sorry Diggs, i thought you meant as the manager/manageress.

I would have done the same as MrsTerryPratchett, if I couldn't settle my baby after 15 minutes, my meal would have been ruined anyway.

And OP, your meal didn't sound as a 'eat and go' meal if you order in stages :)

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:12

Ok to recap; came on to get opinions, which I have certainly got! 0800 0830 930

I appreciate that most people would have gone outside, that seemsto be how I handled it wrong. It was drizzly but wouldn't have soaked us - I honestly thought to eat quickly while taking in turns to soothe him was the best bet. There were other diners in here that had said it hadn't bothered them so we can stop assumig I am the worlds most evil parent and was "sitting on my arse eating" while my baby screamed his face purple. Yes he was whingy but a) we weren't going to be there for long and b) he wasn't at the table next to the other diners.

If he had been that bad of course I would have left right away but I felt there could have been more tolerance to a baby. However, clearly I was wrong and there isn't much tolerance for them at all.

I will gladly take him outside next time he whinges beyond what you have suggested is appropriate but in no way have any of you the right to be as downright nasty as you have been. Calling my children poor sods? That's just horrible. You have really upset me with that personal attack. And as I have said repeatedly, I dOnt expect other diners to hold off eating - I was trying to suggest what I WOULD HAVE DONE. If I could see the problem would be over shortly (as in the crying baby) and I knew I couldn't enjoy my meal while listening to it, I may have had a few appetizers or a drink before getting my meal. My suggestion, NOT what I EXPECT of others as a matter of course.

But for those who have given honest answers and made rational suggestions, thank you - that's what I was looking for, a balanced response! "yabu, I would have done xyz etc"

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 17:13

MaundryBra... 'Manageress' is a perfectly proper word, albeit perhaps a bit out of touch with today's PC terminology.

idratherbeboarding · 13/04/2011 17:14

bamboostalks what has Petrus got to do with this? So you are saying that because Zizzi isn't an expensive/exclusive establishment, that the patrons who dine there are not entitled to a relaxing and enjoyable experience? What nonsense.

Obviously some people do see Zizzi as a 'treat' restaurant, as the OP herself was there celebrating her birthday! Not everyone can afford to eat at restaurants like Petrus. And what has the timing got to do with it?! Some people like to dine out early.

Zizzi does cater for children, but is not exclusively a family restaurant and is not marketed as such; my retired parents eat there as a couple frequently and would certainly be v unhappy about a baby grizzling for 15 minutes while they were trying to eat/relax/talk/enjoy themselves.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 17:15

40Weeks... How come other diners would have even commented on whether it bothered them or not? How did they know that you'd be asked to quieten the baby or leave?

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:16

Crunchbag it wasn't intended as eat n go to start, but as he started crying the plan changed. Should have made that clear. He isn't generally a shunted, just had a bad bout of wind unfortunately

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 13/04/2011 17:17

So other diners took the time to tell you that your baby's crying was not bothering them? How odd.

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 17:18

40Weeks just put it down as one of those days and forget about it :) Hope your next meal out goes more to plan.

MaundyBra · 13/04/2011 17:19

It's a word OK, but when I was a manager, I was a manager and I would have objected to someone putting "ess" on my job title to denote that I was a woman manager. I'll start another thread as I think it's a bit of a side issue here.

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:19

Lyingwitch my sister asked them on the way out or they said it as we passed their table. They were nearer to us, so maybe heard the conversation?

OP posts:
Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:20

Shunted? Meant whinger!

OP posts:
LittleMissFluffBrain · 13/04/2011 17:20

YABU, sorry. If it was me I'd have been taking baby outside to soothe him or taking it in turns with the other adults to go outside. Some people go out to restaurants for peace and quiet, they might be childless, single or escaped their own screaming monsters at home! Grin
Not everyone wants to be listening to screaming kids when they go out for a meal, and maybe came out for a bit of a break themselves.

DaffodilsAndScillas · 13/04/2011 17:22

YABVU. Why should anyone paying to eat in a resteraunt have to listen to a screaming baby? Babies' cries are designed to cause distress to the listener - that's the whole point, so the listener tends to the baby and stops it crying. People paying money to enjoy the treat of eating out, shouldn't have it ruined with a distressing noise IMO.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 17:24

40Weeks... Sorry to labour the point but, you say that the diners weren't close by to hear the baby's crying but then again they were close enough to hear the conversation with the restaurant staff and yourselves? It is all a little bit out of synch somehow.

It's really no big deal anyway, next time just take the baby out if it won't stop crying - or better still, park yourself on the very inside of the table, blocked in by your other DCs and then maybe your DP will take the baby out and you can enjoy your dinner in peace. ;)

Original poster
40Weeks · 13/04/2011 17:25

Sorry having reread my OP I don't think I made it clear that they were asking us to leave. I am not sure I had made that clear or if anyone would even care. It wasnt a suggestion, it was a "if he doesnt shush please go"

Just realized that when I clicked on " threads I am on"

OP posts:
JimmyChooChoo · 13/04/2011 17:29

OP after 13 long pages of this thread not once have you said that you were in the wrong for not leaving the restuarant.It seems like you stayed to prove a point.
Why you came on AIBU is beyond me.You say that you're prepared to listen to people who say YABU and then offer their x/y/z options of what they would do.But you're NOT listening.Lost count of how many times people have said that you should have taken LO outside and you refuse to listen.
So it tells me that every time you go out in the future you will think it's your right to sit there eating while your dc make a noise.
You don't give a flying feck about the other diners.That isn't fair OP.How you can't see that is shocking.