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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL and SIL have taken PFB to a whole new level?

189 replies

Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 12:16

we are all staying at PILs for Easter for a long weekend. They have a 4 bed house, we will be in DHs old room with DS in a travel cot. We assumed our 3 DDs would be in the spare room as usual with B & SIL and their 4mo DD in their room.

Nope.

Apparently DN can't possibly share a room with her parents as it will disrupt her routine and she also snuffles at night. So, the 3 DDs will be sleeping in the dining room (wooden floor) whilst DN has the spare room (the one with a set of bunkbeds and a single bed). PIL are flummoxed as to how to change back to normal as BIL and SIL both seem tO be struggling a bit with the new baby.

So do they win a special prize? :o

OP posts:
Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 14:26

BIL and DH are brothers. Both SIL and I have very little/no contact with our own parents and they have very much looked after us both since we have been with their sons (in a very good, supportive rather than interfering way).

I think they're annoyed at the situation not us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 14:28

MooMoo, I probably would but rhe DCs are dying to see GPs, uncle, auntie and their new cousin.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 14:29

Well I can understand that. I hope it resolves well and that your BIL and SIL decide to make the effort, even if it's for just one night.

MooMooFarm · 13/04/2011 14:29

Is it too far away to visit for a day over the weekend?

LaWeasel · 13/04/2011 14:32

I suppose this depends on how much it is a principle type issue for you, but coupld you and your DH sleep in the dining room?

Apologies if that was suggested already.

brass · 13/04/2011 14:33

I had PND and still managed to fit in wherever. I can imagine thinking it would be ok to turf out 3 kids in lieu of 1 (and a very small one at that!).

PND or not just seems very selfish when there are 6 other people to consider.

brass · 13/04/2011 14:37

my SIL had to have a wooden cot taken apart and reassembled when she came to stay for 1 night. The baby was in the same room as them but they couldn't have him in bed with them, use a travel cot or a made up bed on the floor. It had to be the wooden cot.

Hmm

I have so little patience for this kind of thing. What happens to some people?

foreverondiet · 13/04/2011 14:44

Your PIL are mad for agreeing.

re: snuffling - answer is earplugs, I always wear when sharing with my baby.

Not really sure how sharing disrupts babies routine if you plan ahead - we have done this - got our pj's out etc before baby goes to bed, (and if necessary leave in bag in bathroom. Get ready for bed in bathroom if baby light sleeper).

I wouldn't agree to DD's sleeping in dining room unless on proper beds in these circumstances (ie good beds upstairs) - why can't the baby sleep in the dining room?

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 14:45

Well it's just over an hour away so in theory we could but we have a wedding on the Saturday night that we were going to go to for a couple of hours so we had built in babysitting at PILs. We could sleep on airbeds in the dining room but DS would still be in our room and if he is woken all night by DN it will be hell the next day. MIL has suggested they have DN in with them which logistically would work I suppose but I really think b&sil should look after their own baby.

OP posts:
Eggcelentexampleofmumoneggs · 13/04/2011 14:45

TBH, I would be tempted to let all your LO sleep in one bedroom (either yours and the one with bunks) and sleep downstairs myself.
If SIL has PND the added stress of being somewhere new with a little baby is likely to cause the poor girl more stress.
Its hardly end of the world and the kids will love being in together :)

dearyme · 13/04/2011 14:54

if SIL is that fragile, maybe she should stay home

diddl · 13/04/2011 15:07

Would it work for SIL to have a rest at home alone & BIL bring by himself?

I think it´s lovely of PIL to offer to have baby tbh & it´s not really a case of them "not looking after" her, is it?

When my niece was a baby my mum thought it an absolute treat to have her sleeping next to her.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 15:25

She could I suppose, DN is FF so doesn't 'need' her Mum for feeding. If she's got PND though I wouldn't have thought she would be willing to leave her.

OP posts:
brass · 13/04/2011 15:48

sorry that should be can't imagine thinking it would be ok!

LittleMissFluffBrain · 13/04/2011 15:59

So there's plenty of spare beds upstairs but they'd be expecting my kids to sleep on the floor?! Stuff that! How selfish of them.
If the baby is in a travel cot, are they not aware a travel cot is just that, a TRAVEL cot? As in you can put it up anywhere, it travels! Put the baby in the dining room/another spare room that's not a bedroom then, at that tiny age baby isn't going to give a stuff if it's in a spare bedroom or a spare boxroom as it'll be none the wiser! Grin STtck a baby monitor in there as well of course and there, sorted.

anonacfr · 13/04/2011 16:08

It seems that the issue here is that SIL needs her sleep (don't we all?) but the baby needs to be alone in a room too, otherwise presumably she'll never sleep properly ever again until she turns into a teenager.

Wow. What I don't get is that if baby is FF and if SIL does indeed have PND and needs her sleep desperately your BIL could do the night feeds until PND/baby settles?

I'm sorry but it sounds more like PFB to me. I remember my sister was slightly like that with her first- she was obsessed with keeping his routine exactly the same as it was at home, down to nap times etc. even when he was a few weeks old.
Fact is if you want to do that you just have to stay at home. If you're willing/prepared to visit family for Easter you have to deal with the fact that there will be a house full of people, not just you and you have to adapt to that. Not make kids sleep on the floor in the name of a baby's routine.

Bumperlicioso · 13/04/2011 16:23

Tell SIL to stick an iPod or ear plugs in, that's what I do sharing with 6 mo dd2.

sincitylover · 13/04/2011 16:29

we went to stay with a friend when ds1 was a baby (maybe slightly older than 4 months) and ds1 slept in a draw.

I wanted my dcs in the same room as me when they were tiny

sincitylover · 13/04/2011 16:37

and wrt routines my exh 's new dcs are nearly three and only allowed to have afternoon nap in their own bed not in buggy!!

This actually affects me and my own dcs routines.

Be warned

Mishy1234 · 13/04/2011 16:44

We had exactly the same situation with our nephew, only it still hasn't changed and he's nearly 3! He has to have his own room at the exclusion of everyone else.

gallicgirl · 13/04/2011 16:58

I'm impressed that they have a routine when baby only 4 months old. I'm obviously a really slack parent as I haven't really managed to get me my 3 month old into a routine yet! Grin We make it up as we go along to some extent.

I find it sad that SIL can't cope with baby's snuffles. I love all the little noises DD makes, especially that little yawn she does as she stretches, and it means I know she's still breathing.

I hope SIL and BIL still visit because it sounds like they'd benefit from a bit of help and advice from someone who's had kids recently. Also it means there are more people around who can spot if SIL is displaying signs of PND.

Wouldn't it make more sense for some adults to sleep in the dining room so kids aren't disturbed once they're asleep?

fluffy123 · 13/04/2011 18:22

How about you offer to have your dn in your room so they can have a bit of a break. Could just be that as a first time mum she is desperate not to break her routine or lose any more sleep and is finding it all a bit hard at the moment. Many of us have felt like that at times I am sure.

LiegeAndLief · 13/04/2011 20:15

I can see this from SIL's point of view as I couldn't bear listening to the dcs as babies (they did both sleep in our room until 6 months, but I couldn't wait to kick them out) and I still hate sleeping in the same room as them. I just wake to every tiny little noise and can't relax. Dd was also a rubbish sleeper (a lot worse than your dn sounds!) and I got to the point where I would get a bit manic about anything that would possibly mean I got 3 minutes less sleep than I could otherwise have had.

However, I would never have suggested something as mad as this. In a similar situation in the past we put ds to sleep in a travel cot in our room, and then gently moved him onto the landing when we went to bed. How about that?

aliceliddell · 13/04/2011 20:30

Forever & Bumper - oh the deep deep joy of the earplug! It is surely humankinds greatest invention. You do wake up for necessary things (crying, alarm clocks) but sleep through snuffling. This, my friends, is truly the answer. Seek no further.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 13/04/2011 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.