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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL and SIL have taken PFB to a whole new level?

189 replies

Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 12:16

we are all staying at PILs for Easter for a long weekend. They have a 4 bed house, we will be in DHs old room with DS in a travel cot. We assumed our 3 DDs would be in the spare room as usual with B & SIL and their 4mo DD in their room.

Nope.

Apparently DN can't possibly share a room with her parents as it will disrupt her routine and she also snuffles at night. So, the 3 DDs will be sleeping in the dining room (wooden floor) whilst DN has the spare room (the one with a set of bunkbeds and a single bed). PIL are flummoxed as to how to change back to normal as BIL and SIL both seem tO be struggling a bit with the new baby.

So do they win a special prize? :o

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 12/04/2011 14:23

But but but.... it's not up to your SIL or BIL to sort it out either, it's up to your PILs to tell them to stop being such selfish arses and stand up for your family!
If you let this go once, it will happen again and again and you and your DC will always play second fiddle to your DN. If your BIL and SIL can say "oh but I can't possibly do that" then so can you! Tell them that you can't have your 3 DC on the dining room floor and PILs will have to think of a better plan than that, fgs!

I can't believe they are so selfish but hey - some people "need their sleep" more than others Hmm.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 12/04/2011 14:24

I'm just trying to think of it in terms of my in laws, who are also bonkers and I'm afraid I would be saying that it was not on and unless my dcs had proper beds (which are available, wouldn't make them go out and buy beds or anything!) then I'm sorry but we wouldn't be able to stay. Sounds like you all need a kick up the arse tbh.

diddl · 12/04/2011 14:25

If ILs don´t agree with it, why are they going along with it?

If the issue is that BIL/SIL want to sleep without baby-why does it matter where she is-or if ILs have her with them or she is outside on the landing or whatever?

If someone else wants to "risk" being disturbed by her, isn´t it entirely up to them?

diddl · 12/04/2011 14:26

Isn´t it just the saddest thing that they can´t bear her "snuffling"?

If it´s so bad that they can´t sleep, maybe she needs to see a Dr!

SillyHat · 12/04/2011 14:28

WOW - how selfish to expect three children to sleep on the floor and three beds go unused so that their child can have their own room.

I think a much better solution would be (sorry - if this is repeated) that they give PFB their room and they sleep on the dining room floor.

bonkers20 · 12/04/2011 14:34

Their PFB is so P that they ignore advice to share a bedroom with your baby up to 6 months old in order to reduce the risk of SIDS? Strange.

stillbroody · 12/04/2011 14:40

YANBU, they have taken selfishness and 'pfb' to a whole new level.
Personally, I wouldn't allow anyone to treat my DC as second-class and wouldn't be going.

Goblinchild · 12/04/2011 14:42

I used to love the snuffling and explosive farts. It meant I didn't have to keep getting up to check my PFB was still breathing.

Prunnhilda · 12/04/2011 14:46

THis reminds me of a BIL/SIL/2-kid combo that I have, who, when invited to a 4 bedroom house with PIL, two sisters and two sisters' children (ie 4 families, 1 per room) sent back an email saying they'd require 3 bedrooms: one for them, and one for each child because otherwise they wouldn't sleep. Grin
(PILs secretly hoped that saying 'er no' would mean they wouldn't go, but instead they got themselves together somehow and it all worked out.)

RedHeels · 12/04/2011 14:46

Wise and true words Goblinchild! Grin

clam · 12/04/2011 14:47

So, 3 bedrooms available. You have 4 kids and 1 bedroom allocated. They have 1 baby and are going to be spreading out in 2 whole bedrooms! Hmm And who's going to have to be blowing up 3 airbeds? Your DDs won't get a wink of sleep in the dining room (excited/can hear you all in the other room) and in my experience, airbeds have a nasty habit of deflating in the night which means they'll be uncomfortable and running to you to fix it. So that's your night's sleep scuppered.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 14:49

Goblinchild :) I miss DS sleeping in our room sometimes for the same reasons. DH and I woke DS up a few times giggling at his extraordinarily loud farts.

I think they are finding parenthood very difficult. They saw us with our DCs but as they live a distance away they only really saw our DCs and other DNs on best behaviour etc etc.

OP posts:
iscream · 12/04/2011 14:49

Your 3 kids could sleep with bil & sil, or they can sleep in the diningroom.

Innishvickillaune · 12/04/2011 14:52

Holey Moley!

What more can you say? How unbelievably ludicrous!

They must be really, really struggling though. They may just have an extremely acute cast of pfbitis in the post-babyshock era .

I am glad your kids have taken it with good grace and humour! Fair dues to them! I wouldn't kick up a fuss about it because it sounds like they have just LOST THE PLOT and people sometimes do.. but PIL should be (gently, but firmly) saying "no, dears.. that doesn't make sense...)

CinnabarRed · 12/04/2011 14:55

Diddl - I kind of know what you're saying, but both of my DSs squealed so loudly in their sleep (right up until the age of about 6 months) that it sounded like someone was poking a pig with a pointy pencil.

I didn't mind so much with DS1 because I found I could sleep through the squealing with earplugs in and still hear him crying for a feed. But I coudn't do that with DS2 because then I couldn't hear DS1 when he woke with night terrors in his own bedroom. So I reluctantly put DS2 into his own room earlier than 6 months. I figured that he was more at risk from me falling asleep at the wheel of my car than from SIDS.

DownyEmerald · 12/04/2011 14:55

TBH I don't think this is PFB at all. I think it is them not coping.

Can you let them know (gently) that when staying away with your baby it is the done thing to have the baby in with you because the baby is quite likely to be unsettled, and they are the best people to comfort the baby, and everybody else would like to get a reasonable night's sleep thanks very much - which won't happen with them creeping around between bedrooms all night.

Of course after all this fuss DN will probably sleep like a log.

LIZS · 12/04/2011 14:57

They're all mad ! If pils feel the need to pander perhaps they could have dn in their room ?

Inertia · 12/04/2011 15:01

This is nuts.

Why are you accepting this ? Why isn't your DH saying something here ?

If your BIL and SIL won't sleep with their baby in the room, they can sleep on the dining room floor, or the baby can go in with all the girls. If they are genuinely not coping, offer them practical help- someone can surely watch the baby for a couple of hours during the day so they can rest. But making 3 children sleep on a floor when 3 beds are available is just insane.

diddl · 12/04/2011 15:03

Yes, it does sound as if they are not coping, doesn´t it?

But I´m not sure how giving in helps though, tbh.

Also, OP, I know your children are OK about the floor, but isn´t your husband pissed off that they are being asked to do this for the sake of his sister´s(?) baby, who doesn´t actually need a room of her own?

minipie · 12/04/2011 15:04

This is crazy.

DN in dining room makes most sense, surely?? Or if dining room is used in the evening, then give BIL and SIL a choice between having DN in their room (she's their baby after all) and putting her in their room and sleeping in dining room on airbeds themselves.

dearyme · 12/04/2011 15:09

id say they are coping fine

just being incredibly selfish

which some people are inclined to be if allowed to get away with it

PomBearEnvy · 12/04/2011 15:12

haha, This is the funniest thing I've read for a while. They are Bonkers. I would take the airbed, and offer it to BIL and SIL. If the baby really needs its own room and they don't want to put him in the dinning room then they can bloody well sleep there!

PlopPlopPing · 12/04/2011 15:20

Have you thought of pointing out to them that at 4 months babies are still (according to guidelines bla bla bla) supposed to be in the same room as their parents for safety.

compo · 12/04/2011 15:26

'But but but.... it's not up to your SIL or BIL to sort it out either, it's up to your PILs to tell them to stop being such selfish arses and stand up for your family!
If you let this go once, it will happen again and again and you and your DC will always play second fiddle to your DN. If your BIL and SIL can say "oh but I can't possibly do that" then so can you! Tell them that you can't have your 3 DC on the dining room floor and PILs will have to think of a better plan than that, fgs!'

Exactly!

bonkers20 · 12/04/2011 15:26

Will they get the baby its own room when they go on holiday?!

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