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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL and SIL have taken PFB to a whole new level?

189 replies

Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 12:16

we are all staying at PILs for Easter for a long weekend. They have a 4 bed house, we will be in DHs old room with DS in a travel cot. We assumed our 3 DDs would be in the spare room as usual with B & SIL and their 4mo DD in their room.

Nope.

Apparently DN can't possibly share a room with her parents as it will disrupt her routine and she also snuffles at night. So, the 3 DDs will be sleeping in the dining room (wooden floor) whilst DN has the spare room (the one with a set of bunkbeds and a single bed). PIL are flummoxed as to how to change back to normal as BIL and SIL both seem tO be struggling a bit with the new baby.

So do they win a special prize? :o

OP posts:
missymarmite · 13/04/2011 08:50

I think your DH needs to put his foot down. Either the kids sleep on the beds, or you don't go. PND or not.

rubyrubyruby · 13/04/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 08:56

Ruby the main demand from SIL is that DN must have her own room.

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 13/04/2011 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBolter · 13/04/2011 09:07

Oh dear. I suffered from mild PND and was obsessed with sleep (still am) and often found weekends away a misery as I cannot cope easily with lack of sleep.

However, I really hope that I would have been magnanimous enough to see the bigger picture in such a situation, and would have been happy to have made the compromise, i.e. by having my baby in the dining room. I'm sure I would. Look, I'm not undermining PND, (assuming your sil has it and isn't just being a selfish twunt) it's f*cking dreadful, but sometimes I think you just have to put your foot down and stop pandering to such a ridiculous extent.

heliumballoons · 13/04/2011 09:09

ROFL @ sleep routine for 4 months old Grin

Encourage your DD's to keep popping into the lounge and disturbing BIL and SIL, they may eventually give them their room back as their evening is being disturbed. Wink

YANBU on so many levels OP.

TattyDevine · 13/04/2011 09:24

I had a situation at Christmas where my In laws were insisting we share with our daughter who was one at the time. We were insisting she go in the spare room.

We weren't against sharing with one of our children - were happy to share with our 3 year old son. But if we had to share with DD, nobody would have got any sleep. We couldn't for the life of us understand why they were so insistent it must be DD we shared with. We basically decided to smile and nod and just put each respective child down in the room we considered suitable at the time and decided they probably wouldn't challenge us.

In the end when we turned up it became apparent - they had bought some new pink bedding for the cot bed type thing they had in our room Sad so I felt like such a prick when I settled my son down in there because basically they had done something nice for us but didn't want to acknowledge that actually it wasn't that nice if nobody got any sleep.

Silly sods. Pink! Gawd why not get some cream/beige teddy style stuff if you get silly about gender-specific bedding...but no. She was the first girl born gto the family in 12 years so I guess they wanted to have a final stab at pink. God I feel such a cunt Grin

Anyway I got pneumonia 3 days before Christmas (didn't now it was pneumonia at the time) so there's no way we could have had DD in there, I was coughing all night, whereas my son is able to just turn over and ignore noise in a way that DD isn't. So we did the right thing but nobody mentioned it and it was like the elephant in the room!

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 09:27

Ooh update from MIL sounding v stressed, they might not be coming now as it's too complicated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 09:30

Thinking it through at 2am, if DN was in the dining room (or any kids) it's right next to the kit hen and sitting room so not sure the dining room would work for anyone. Ah well may be a moot point anyway.

OP posts:
clam · 13/04/2011 09:35

"too complicated?" Hmm I think you'll find that that means "not getting her own way so chucking toys out of the pram."

plantsitter · 13/04/2011 09:42

Is SIL usually like this? Would it be worth having a chat as someone who remembers being a first time mum?

She may not know that while going away with a baby is a bit disturbing sleep wise, the beauty of staying with family is that they take the baby off you for huge chunks of the day so you can nap or read or stare out of the window a bit.

blackeyedsusan · 13/04/2011 09:43

I would suggest that you can't fit the airbeds into the car...

or you turn up without them, look hurrt and say you thought it was such a rridiculus idea that you thought they must have been joking

or you pop the children in the room anyway because they weren't sleeping downstais or they were frightened at being alone...

I would be tempted to put the tip off fo a weekend until the pils see sense..

I really sufffer if I don't get sleep, but I would never consider kicking 3 children out of their room

(iwould also have liked to suggest that you give the kids sugarry e number filled drrinks just before bed so that they arer trooping up and down stairs all night flushing the toilet and geneally making the point that eveyone would have got more sleep if they had been in their own room... but then it would not be fair on the children....) I suspect that the excitement of sleeping on the dining room floor will have the same effect. I hope that you children do not end up being the "bad guys" for doing what children do and not sleeping..

blackeyedsusan · 13/04/2011 09:43

Trip

for

ruddy rrrr key getting stuck

MooMooFarm · 13/04/2011 09:47

Your BIL & SIL sound horribly selfish - not least because they're so worried about their own sleep when their baby is only 4 months old! Do any parents really expect to get a full night's sleep at that age?

I would politely refuse to go. You can't really tell your PIL to change the arrangements if they are being that dense anyway, so I would vote with my feet. Say you can't have your children feeling tired and grumpy all weekend and spoiling your holiday (which is just as important!) and stay at home. Do the PIL live so far away that you can't just visit for the day? From the sounds of your SIL & BIL I wouldn't want to spend a whole weekend with somebody being so bloody precious anyway!

MooMooFarm · 13/04/2011 09:50

Just read the whole thread again - had missed the bit about possible PND. Which is obviously shedding a new light on the whole situation - but doesn't mean your children should have to suffer.

Sorry if I sounded heartless, anyway - hadn't read that bit before.

thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 09:53

what clam said, I think.

LaWeasel · 13/04/2011 10:04

It seems like the eaiest solution would be to have some adults in the dining room.

DD - the terror, is a really loud sleeper, and I'm really bad at sleeping, so we do try and put her in her own room if it's at all possible. But where there's not enough space I would definately be the one offering to sleep on the couch!

Katisha · 13/04/2011 11:51

Hmm. Is the update a result of BIL trying to talk to SIL do you think?
Can DH ring him again and suggest looking into the pnd if they havent already?

ScroobiousPip · 13/04/2011 12:05

Hmm, not exactly PFB is it though, to put a 4mo in a separate room against SIDS guidelines. More Precious Parents. Very sad, even with the PND factor thrown in.

I've looked at the thread but can't work out why, if they must persist with putting DN in a different room, DN couldn't share with your DDs? Is there not room for a cot plus 3 beds?

PoledrathePissedOffFairy · 13/04/2011 12:43

Given that it sounds like your SIL is having problems with not sleeping and possible PND - could your BIL take his DD into the bedroom with him, and your SIL sleep on an airbed in the dining room? She'd get a good sleep (even if BIL has to take the baby to her for feeding) and your DDs would get their beds!

thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 13:29

Scroobius - look at the OP's latest post. The SIL wants the DN to sleep on her own.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 13/04/2011 14:03

Who knows what the answer is? BIL has been told by DH that the DDs aren't sleeping downstairs so we'll see what hPpens next. Maybe they won't come, maybe they will. PIL are pissy :(

OP posts:
Katisha · 13/04/2011 14:19

Pissy how? WIth you? Or the situation in general?

MooMooFarm · 13/04/2011 14:20

Blimey OP don't you start to think you may just have a more enjoyable Easter break at home? Confused

thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 14:21

Oh dear. Can I ask, is your BIL DH's brother then? So the SIL isn't your PILs natural DD?
Still, PILs have no business being irritated with you (if it's you they're annoyed with) - they really should have nipped this whole thing in the bud right from the start and explained that there was no need for 3 children to be displaced from their beds because of one snuffly 4mo!