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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think BIL and SIL have taken PFB to a whole new level?

189 replies

Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 12:16

we are all staying at PILs for Easter for a long weekend. They have a 4 bed house, we will be in DHs old room with DS in a travel cot. We assumed our 3 DDs would be in the spare room as usual with B & SIL and their 4mo DD in their room.

Nope.

Apparently DN can't possibly share a room with her parents as it will disrupt her routine and she also snuffles at night. So, the 3 DDs will be sleeping in the dining room (wooden floor) whilst DN has the spare room (the one with a set of bunkbeds and a single bed). PIL are flummoxed as to how to change back to normal as BIL and SIL both seem tO be struggling a bit with the new baby.

So do they win a special prize? :o

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 12/04/2011 13:06

What's the betting that your SIL/BIL will be the first to moan if your DD's do keep popping in and disturbing your adult evening! Grin

StayFrosty · 12/04/2011 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 13:17

DS is 19mo. He normally sleeps 13 hours like a dream but like his Daddy is quite a light sleeper do us sharing a room with him isn't ideal but we all love the GPs so we suck up the tiny bit of disruption to routines etc. I really need to retract the idea of a big family villa holiday don't I?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 12/04/2011 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 12/04/2011 13:21

op, but by not saying something you are condoning this and agreeing that it's ok for your children to be second-best.

I seriously wouldn't stand for it and would just demand that your children sleep in beds (you don't care where the baby sleeps, it's not your baby so not your problem).

A1980 · 12/04/2011 13:23

They can put the baby's cot in the hall out side of their room.

Problem solved.

RedHeels · 12/04/2011 13:27

I wouldn't go but you seem to be happy with the situation Hmm. Really, it's OK for you 3 DC to sleep on the floor when there are proper beds for them? And your DC already said they will be popping in to the next door room to chat to you so their routine will be disrupted. I'd tell PIL that you'll visit next weekend. Problem solved. I have 4 month old DD and would never suggest such a load of crap.

GloriaSmut · 12/04/2011 13:29

OK, put BIL and SIL in dining room. That way they cannot possibly hear the snuffling of their dd who can occupy the room currently allocated to her parents. Meanwhile, your sleeping arrangements are as sensibly assumed from the outset - you and DH in his old room, your DCS in the room with the bunk beds and single bed. Simples.

KatishaVinganegg · 12/04/2011 13:34

WHy can't you suggest some of these solutions to PILs? They evidently have been talking to you about it.

Yes, the may grown out of their pfb-ness. But they may not, they may get used to everyone pussyfooting around them and then you are lumbered for years (based on personal experience...sigh...)

dearyme · 12/04/2011 13:36

I am suggesting nothing to them. Its PILs house so It's up to them to sort things if they can. Hopefully it will just be somethin to rib them bout in a few years.

its not the PIL who will be inconvenienced though

but if you are happy to go along with it, case closed :)

anonacfr · 12/04/2011 13:52

Actually the PILs will be inconvenienced too- presumably if there's a full house they will need to use the dining room, which will involve clearing sleeping stuff/children's clothes etc.
The whole thing is a pain.

I'd say even if you don't care out of principle you should say something. A 4 month old baby can sleep anywhere- 3 kids can't.

SmethwickBelle · 12/04/2011 13:52

If their DD is 4 months isnt the advice that she should be in the same room as her parents?

It does sound crazy and I'd be a bit scowl about it, but I suppose if your kids love the dining room no harm done.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 13:54

I'm not happy about it but short of shaking them I have no idea how to change their attitude. They are completely blind to anything other than themselves and DN. Maybe I could talk to SIL carefully about it. I think its just that I am so flabbergasted by their 'arrangements' I cant see how to sort it.

OP posts:
diddl · 12/04/2011 13:56

Well I´d be saying that I´d see them some other time tbh, but if you´re OK with it, OP, that´s fine.

But if everyone gives in, will SIL & BIL always expect this?

Katisha · 12/04/2011 13:56

To be honest I think the risk of a potential flare-up at this point might be outweighed by not getting into a habit of walking on egg shells around them.
Speak to her.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 13:56

Smethwicke, I agree that she should be in a room with her parents to sleep at that age but shes not my DD and its not up to me to say anything, these are my ILs not my birth family so I keep my opinions to myself unless i thought she was being put in danger.

OP posts:
FAB5 · 12/04/2011 13:59

It seems that BIL and SIL are seeing this weekend as a break and therefore they want their sleep. What will your children be sleeping on in the dining room?

diddl · 12/04/2011 14:00

Yes-it is up to ILs-and they have chosen to pussy foot around the new baby & parents to the detriment of your children-that´s nice!

compo · 12/04/2011 14:02

It won't be a one off though will it?
If you anddh and your inlaws allow this to happen this time it'll happen again and again
and then they'll have another child and your kids will be in a tent in the garden

anonacfr · 12/04/2011 14:04

What about getting their baby to sleep in the dining room as everyone's suggested? If they don't want to sleep with her it's the perfect solution- presumably they're using a baby monitor anyway so the room in which the baby sleeps in is irrelevant- they can set up the cot anywhere whereas your DDs can't move their beds from bedroom to dining room.

Katisha · 12/04/2011 14:04

I have an in-law around whom we all have to pussyfoot. Been like this for decades. How I wish I'd had the gumption to not put up with it from the word go.

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/04/2011 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newgolddream · 12/04/2011 14:16

They sound very selfish and I dont think they will be embarassed about it in a few years at all, in fact they will probably be worse - the more they expect things their own way the more difficult and demanding they will become.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 14:22

DH has already spoken to his parents and all of us are in agreement that this is insane behaviour from them. The DDs would be sleeping on airbeds that we would bring from home. Maybe DH could speak to his brother?

OP posts:
ginnybag · 12/04/2011 14:22

Well, if you're evicting your DD's into the dining room, there's no reason for your DS to be in with you, is there?

You in one room, BIL/SIL in another, PIL in their room, and the two babies in travel cots in another.

Propose that, and see what's said.

You have, after all, exactly the same argument - neither you nor your DS will sleep well in the same room.

And, eventually, some sort of arrangement like this will be required, although I suspect it will be your DS that needs his own room. He can't keep sharing with four girls forever, afterall!

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