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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think BIL and SIL have taken PFB to a whole new level?

189 replies

Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 12:16

we are all staying at PILs for Easter for a long weekend. They have a 4 bed house, we will be in DHs old room with DS in a travel cot. We assumed our 3 DDs would be in the spare room as usual with B & SIL and their 4mo DD in their room.

Nope.

Apparently DN can't possibly share a room with her parents as it will disrupt her routine and she also snuffles at night. So, the 3 DDs will be sleeping in the dining room (wooden floor) whilst DN has the spare room (the one with a set of bunkbeds and a single bed). PIL are flummoxed as to how to change back to normal as BIL and SIL both seem tO be struggling a bit with the new baby.

So do they win a special prize? :o

OP posts:
PlopPlopPing · 12/04/2011 15:31

It's particially up to in-laws yes but the SIL and BIL need to realise how ridiculous they are being. PIL are probably hoping to keep everyone happy.

moomaa · 12/04/2011 15:47

This is crazy, mainly because your 3 kids are going to be hyper and not sleeping so will ruin their fun weekend with their grandparents. Baby needs to go in the hall or downstairs if parents really can't have her in their room, which I find bizarre. They are going to wake everyone else up anyway going backwards and forwards to her crying.

I do know someone whose inlaws had the baby in their room when they stayed there (what PILs wanted so they could help) and I think it worked quite well. Is this something PILS would consider?

Would BIL/SIL feel better if they knew they could get an afternoon sleep?

controlpantsandgladrags · 12/04/2011 15:49

could you just "forget" to take the airbeds with you? Agree that the obvious solution is that the baby has the bedroom SIL and BIL have the dining room floor.

Not sure it's PFBism on their part to be honest........if they're that pfb about things it's very odd that the baby is already in it's own room. They sound very selfish.

anonacfr · 12/04/2011 15:59

It can't be not coping. The baby presumably has her own room at home which means they can sleep- the issue seems to be they don't even want to spend 3 nights inconvenienced for the sake of a family holiday.
Sounds super selfish to me.

As a comparison my sister has always done the French thing of putting her DSs in their own room on her return from hospital. Whenever she's been on holidays/staying with relatives, she's always had the boys in her room- she's joked that as a result holidays are more exhausting than everyday life, but that's what happens when you go to someone's house.

SJisontheway · 12/04/2011 16:03

Oh dear - I am the mad SIL. Not literally, but I know people used to think we were mad and being PFB with DD1. To be fair she was in with us until she was about 1, but since then she always has to have our own room when we are away and have had similar problems when with IL's. I used to feel terrible about it when she was in a cot and taking up a room with empty beds, but to be fair we always offered to stay at home and come when the house was empty, and were happy to sleep on the floor ourselves. 5 years on DD1 still needs her own room. The other 2 can sleep wherever. But DD1 is severley disabled, has a sleep disorder, is a very light sleeper and once disturbed will not go back to sleep. She will happily function on 2 hours sleep. I think people realise now how difficult it is for us, but when she was small I know we were considered selfish.

balia · 12/04/2011 16:09

Two words - Premier Inn.

(Or similar - I do not have shares in them or anythingGrin)

We have a much better time now when visiting PIL's - not trying to cram us all into one room, not worrying about taking too much time in the shower. 'Tis the way to go. You can go over early in the morning, come back at kids bedtime.

TheMonster · 12/04/2011 16:11

That's crazy. Surely your in-laws should say something.

SuchProspects · 12/04/2011 16:19

When my DCs were that old I wouldn't have gone anywhere I had to share a room with them because I would not have slept at all, and DH would have slept barely. So by the second day I would have been on my knees and by the third day neither DH nor I would have been safe to drive home.

But I wouldn't have expected to keep three other people out of real beds to accommodate that need. The baby could have gone in the dining room (or under the stairs at that age!) or we'd have got rooms at a hotel or we wouldn't have gone. Seems quite bizarre to expect your girls to sleep in the dining room - have SIL&BIL actually asked for the bedroom for DN, or are your PILs just assuming if the baby isn't in with them he needs to be next door?

Dropdeadfred · 12/04/2011 16:46

Your dh should mention this to his brother... And I wouldn't go if my kids had to sleep on the dining room floor

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 16:47

But SJ that is a very different situation, if your DD1 has disabilities then it is entirely understandable that she would have additional/specific needs.

DH called his brother, he thinks SIL is mad and that he is mortified that the DDs have been asked to sleep downstairs. He's going to attempt talking to her. I'm now a bit worried about her, from a couple of details BIL passed to DH it sounds a lot like SIL may have PND. I feel awful for taking the piss and bitching now :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 16:51

PILs live in the middle of nowhere so the nearest place to stay is actually closer to our place than theirs. We're just over an hour away, which is doable but very tiring to do 2-3 days in a row with 4 DC

OP posts:
BeautifulBlondePineapple · 12/04/2011 16:56

That's ridiculous. Your DN should either sleep in the room with her parents, in the dining room, or in the room with your kids. Your kids should not be put out.

My SIL is like this as well and no-one challenges her.

There are only 3 bedrooms at MIL & FIL's house. DH & I have 2 kids and so do SIL & BIL. DH & I sleep in one room with both our kids (double bed & 2 camp beds). But do SIL & BIL do the same? Oh no. They simply CANNOT sleep in the same room as their kids. And apparently their kids can't sleep in the same room as each other! So one of their kids sleeps in MIL & FIL's room and the other sleeps in the dining room.

Bonkers. And selfish. They don't get up in the morning to help out either, but that's another story.

Katisha · 12/04/2011 16:57

Does BIL realise SIL may have pnd?

Inertia · 12/04/2011 16:58

if she does have PND then she needs proper help from a HCP. Arsing about with children sleeping in unsuitable rooms is not addressing her PND.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 17:02

He didn't say it to DH in so many words but DH said he sounded worried about her. If she does have PND he needs to get her to the doctors, been there and done it, it's horrible. Having said that you're right it won't help to cave in over this, BIL needs to gently show her what she is asking is unreasonable.

OP posts:
RedHeels · 12/04/2011 18:22

You shouldn't feel bad for posting about your SIL. If you didn't do that, you might have not asked you DH to talk to them about it and you wouldn't have known that SIL might be depressed.

StayFrosty · 12/04/2011 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 12/04/2011 18:39

The selfish fuckers.

Journey · 12/04/2011 18:42

Extremely selfish. I would definately tell them that they're being very selfish and that your DDs are going in the spare room. Tell not ask them!

dearyme · 12/04/2011 18:44

whats pnd got to do with kicking the kids out of a bed onto the floor

takethisonehereforastart · 12/04/2011 18:46

Why can't DN have BiL and SiL's room and BiL and SiL have the dining room?

Far worse to have three mobile children sleeping downstairs and all adults upstairs than to have BiL and SiL on a different floor to the baby.

They can use a baby monitor and be upstairs in ten seconds if she snuffles.

BiL and SiL are causing the disruption, BiL and SiL should be the ones affected by it.

StayFrosty · 12/04/2011 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Humphreythehamster · 12/04/2011 19:14

Ah stayfrosty that's what I am thinking during my more charitable moments.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 13/04/2011 01:57

Agree though that if she has PND she needs to get seen by the doc and get the help she needs, not have everyone pussyfooting around her and letting her get away with her outrageous demands. Normalising her behaviour isn't going to get her to realise something is actually wrong.

redstripeyelephant · 13/04/2011 08:24

can you offer to have the baby in a travel cot in your room? Dress it up like you're helping them - 'I know how hard ot is to get a good night's sleep with a baby in the room, so why don't you have a night off and we'll have the baby in our room?' Though I guess it would only work if the baby is sleeping through already...

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