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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think the world has gone mad?

237 replies

macdoodle · 10/04/2011 18:33

or AIBU??
We live in a quiet residential cul de sac. lots of children. DD1 (9) and her friends are going round offering to wash cars. DD2 (3) is with them.
They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock
She was wearing a long Tshirt and wellies Grin, she had been playing in the garden with no pants on. I thought nothing of it TBH, she is 3 FGS.
Surely its his own filthy mind he should be worried about rather than my 3yr old??
I don't know AIBU?? I've put some trousers on her now.

OP posts:
gorionine · 11/04/2011 08:21

The fact that the children were close to their house does not meen they could be seen by the parent.

A Cul de sac is no more safer than anywhere else if you do not actually know the people who live in it! "They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock"

exoticfruits · 11/04/2011 08:24

If that is the case why on earth was OP letting them knock on doors of strangers!!

gorionine · 11/04/2011 08:27

exactly, exotic!

exoticfruits · 11/04/2011 08:28

You really can't have it both ways
either
OP was relaxed enough to let them out in a half dressed state, knowing that her neighbours were reasonable people and she could keep an eye on them

or

she couldn't see them, had no idea who her neighbours were and so shouldn't send her DD out half dressed.

To be relaxed enough to treat the road like her garden but then get uptight about other people's reactions isn't fair-or even logical!

whitevanwoman · 11/04/2011 08:36

how old were holly & jessica, more than 9 werent they

they were together so their parents "knew" they would be safe

they were in the village, so perfectly safe, never went in strangers houses

its only afterwards I expect the parents thought Oh why oh why did i let them do that
:( :(

violethill · 11/04/2011 09:10

And the op still hasn't come back to explain why she let her 9 and 3 yr old dds go back to wash the car belonging to the 'filthy minded' man!

To my mind that's another inconsistency, especially as it only cropped up after several of us said he was probably looking for an excuse to get rid of the kids on a peaceful afternoon. If the OP really believes he has an unhealthy interest in half naked little girls, why did she send her girls straight back round?

I think the op is doing more than wanting it both ways - I think she wants every possible permutation going! She wants us to believe that her 3 year old is just a baby, incapable of causing any offence, yet shes old enough to be supervised for half an hour by 9 year olds who are simultaneously cleaning cars, while the neighbour she doesn't know is filthy minded but similtaneously quite suitable to have the children back round washing his car! The general neighbourhood is meanwhile not at all irritated to have semi naked kids knocking on doors offering to 'help', even though by the ops 3 yr old doesn't seem to understand where its appropriate to pee! Blimey !

gorionine · 11/04/2011 09:15

You sum it up beautifully violethill

exoticfruits · 11/04/2011 09:17

A perfect summing up violethill-no wonder we are confused-different people are taking different parts!
The quick answer is just put some pants on the 3 yr old if they go out in the road and then you won't have to spend ages debating the ins and outs and rights and wrongs!

emptyshell · 11/04/2011 09:45

HE was made to feel uncomfortable (and I can't say I blame him in this age where blokes get accused of everything under the sun for breathing in the wrong way) in his own home by a kid he didn't know (you admitted you don't know the neighbour) knocking on the door with no pants on.

Now you're all over the internet calling him a perv for covering his own back against any allegations by telling the kid gently that he thinks they should go home and get some pants on (I would have said the same to be honest - to cover my own backside - pardon the choice of phrasing). If he WAS a perv - a kid showing up with no pants would have been Christmas giftwrapped in a T-shirt to be brutal... and since you don't know this guy what the heck were you doing letting your kids knock on his door anyway?! And since when did bothering neighbours you don't know become a suitable method of entertainment? No way would I be letting kids play wash my car - the dirt and rust serve load-bearing purposes holding the bucket of rust together.

You were unreasonable to fob off entertaining your kids onto every neighbour in the cul-de-sac who shouldn't have HAD to be opening their doors to go politely say no to kids who wanted to "play" with their thousands of pounds (or in my car's case - about a tenner) value cars. And calling some guy a perv because he felt uncomfortable having a kid bowl up at his front door half naked is just sickening behaviour. These days because of hysteria - people DO feel uncomfortable with half-naked children parading around... that's the type of world hysterical mummys have helped create and you reap what you sow.

takethisonehereforastart · 11/04/2011 10:08

I'm actually feeling quite sorry for this man now.

First the OP says "it's his own filthy mind" and then pulls a confused face when it's pointed out he might be concerned more about himself and the accusations that could be made of him, then implies that since she didn't notice her daughter had no pants on that he must have gone out of his way to notice himself and then says this "or he is covering himself which is a whole other discussion" which just proves the poor man can't win.

He sends a child home to put pants on before he allows her sister to play at washing his car and it means he has a filthy mind, he may have been concerned about being accused of paedophilia when he sent her home and so obviously by having that concern he has proved that he is a paedophile who's covering up the fact by asking a little girl to get dressed before she plays in his garden or outside his house.

No. I grew up in the late 70's and early 80's and did my fair share of trotting about with not much on. And now we have LO I'm quite relaxed about letting him see me naked while I get dressed or take a shower. I have to be, DH works away so there is nobody to watch him otherwise. It's doors wide open no matter what in our house at the moment.

And he does enjoy time to play or run about with his nappy off. Thanks to the good weather we have had a few days of him being naked in the paddling pool too. But I still wouldn't expect other people on our street to feel comfortable with him being naked in their house or garden or even on the street outside their home.

It's all very well to start saying "it's all paedo-noia" but you have to be realistic. No, there really isn't a paedophile behind every door but there are some and nobody really knows who or where. Melissa George proved that even when you think your children are safely supervised, sometimes they are not, although these times are thankfully rare.

We've been on the other side of this. My father is a talented and quite successful wildlife photographer and has volunteered his time and efforts to a local park. Thanks to his work they have documented twice the amount of birds and wildlife that can be seen in the park, which has gained them an increase in funding from the local council and seen a rise in visitors to the park who want to see the wildlife they now know is there.

And yet the police still stopped my father while he was there to ask him why he was hanging about in a park with a camera during the school holidays.

They couldn't even give him the producer they are legally supposed to give to the people they stop in this way but they still questioned him, took his name, address and car registration and made a call on the radio to check him out.

Even the fact that he was standing beside a big board displaying his photos and a letter from the park officials thanking him for his voluntary efforts didn't convince them he wasn't there to take photo's of children.

So I hate the paedo-noia as much as anyone. But I still wouldn't let my child run half naked into other peoples homes or gardens, as much for their sake as his.

And I really don't like the idea of saying that someone who wants a child to cover up and put on pants is a secret paedo covering his tracks. "I'm innocent!" "That's exactly what you would say if you were guilty, therefore you are!" No.

WassaAxolotl · 11/04/2011 11:01

Good Golly Gosh. Imagine what could have happened if that poor man hadn't said something.

trixymalixy · 11/04/2011 21:59

Bloody hell, poor bloke. These days most men I know wouldn't feel comfortable having young girls around when they are the only adult present, never mind if one of them has no knickers on. It's sad bit that's just the way things are.

One of my neighbours found another of the neighbour's daughters standing in the rain. She'd come home to find no-one in. He took her into his house, gave her a towel and some of his son's clothes as she was soaking. He then started phoning around to find her parents.

He then realised he was alone in the house with a young girl getting changed, leaving himself open to all sorts of accusations, when really it was the neighbourly thing to do.

Ria28 · 12/04/2011 02:14

I'm surprised at how many people say YABU. Me and my siblings were all older than 3 before we stopped playing in the front garden completely starkers. A friend's ds hated clothes when he was little and as soon as school finished would strip to his underwear to play on the playground (or walk round the zoo!), and sometimes didn't stop there. His mum didn't make a fuss about it because it would have just made him worse. It wouldn't have occurred to me that a 3yo on a quiet street needed her dignity preserving Hmm

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 12/04/2011 04:09

Your 3 year old daughter really shouldn't be in the yard of someone you don't know without an adult, trousers or no trousers.

I'd have done the same thing as him "Um, could you take your sister home and get some pants on her?"

gorionine · 12/04/2011 07:21

Ria28, read violethill Mon 11-Apr-11 09:10:35 again, there is more to this than a 3yo without underwear.

As well, is 28 your age? if so, you were 3 a quarter of a century ago and things were a bit different back thenSmile

exoticfruits · 12/04/2011 07:32

I think that people are so unfair. You only have to read MN to know that every man is suspect and yet, apparently, men are not supposed to realise this and protect themselves!! They are naively supposed to accept half naked DCs in their garden and it never cross their mind that they might be put in a compromising situation. If it does cross their mind they are 'dirty minded'! I'm so glad I am not a man-damned if you do and damned if you don't.
I would recoomend the post by violethill-summed it up so perfectly I don't know why we are still rambling on!

Spudulika · 12/04/2011 07:37

yanbu

I grew up in countries where it was normal to see children playing outside naked or with just a t-shirt on. Nobody thought anything of it.

We're OBSESSED with paedophilia in the uk.

gorionine · 12/04/2011 07:42

Exotic, care to join me for virtual[cuppa]?Smile

penguin73 · 12/04/2011 07:43

Why do you think it is ok for her to be going around to strangers' houses without you dressed like that but not to the shops with you?

gorionine · 12/04/2011 07:43

Grr[Brew ! that is what I meant!

exoticfruits · 12/04/2011 07:57

Brew gorionine!

gorionine · 12/04/2011 08:06

Milk and sugar?

exoticfruits · 12/04/2011 08:06

Just milk please!

exoticfruits · 12/04/2011 08:07

A slice of toast might be nice.

gorionine · 12/04/2011 08:09

Sorry, DD has taken the last slice, are you ok with a digestve instead?

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