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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world has gone mad?

237 replies

macdoodle · 10/04/2011 18:33

or AIBU??
We live in a quiet residential cul de sac. lots of children. DD1 (9) and her friends are going round offering to wash cars. DD2 (3) is with them.
They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock
She was wearing a long Tshirt and wellies Grin, she had been playing in the garden with no pants on. I thought nothing of it TBH, she is 3 FGS.
Surely its his own filthy mind he should be worried about rather than my 3yr old??
I don't know AIBU?? I've put some trousers on her now.

OP posts:
EasterEggHuntIsOver · 10/04/2011 22:16

"The OP sounds defensive to me, more than a paedo-cryer. She sounds like she's a bit stung that a neighbour implied her neglect by drawing attention to something she didn't notice and called for her to uphold a standard she did not hold.

And thus she is bringing him down to make herself feel better."

Couldn't have said it better myself

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 22:23
Hmm
OP posts:
annapolly · 10/04/2011 22:23

Nine year olds should not be responsible for three year olds. However sensible they are they will be distracted easily. The three year old could wander into the road.

You can't be bothered to amuse your DSs or even dress them properly.

YABU

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 22:29

Actually they're girls. They didn't need amusing, they were having fun. My 9yr old is more than capable of watching her sister for half an hour in our perfectly safe road with my door open listening out for them.
On the basis of your frankly sweeping judgement, I find you guilty of being a helicopter parent who suffocates her children in cotton wool, and micromanages every minute of their day.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 22:29

Of course 9 yr olds can be a responsible for a 3 yr old, in a cul de sac and in sight of their own home!

Runningjustasfastasican · 10/04/2011 22:32

I'm not saying anything about the pants I think that's finished now!

As for the girls going round offering to wash cars, I think you've made it pretty clear they were doing it for a bit of fun (no money) in your cul de sac! So presumably the man at least knew your dd's to see. It sounds like great fun and reminds me of times when my friends and I offered to do odd jobs for our neighbours!

worraliberty · 10/04/2011 22:32

Sorry but no baby of mine would be out in the street washing cars with a bunch of children...T-Shirt and wellies or not.

I don't blame the guy for being concerned. All he can see is a baby with no knickers or other proper clothes on, being 'looked after' by other children.

I don't think it's fair to put that sort of responsibility on them. If something awful happened (and I'm not even talking about perverts) I'm sure the other children would not forgive themselves.

OP, she's your baby...you should look after her.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 22:35

DCs will not learn responsibility unless they are given some-I do feel sorry for DCs these days.

worraliberty · 10/04/2011 22:43

Then let them be responsible for something less precious...not babies.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 10/04/2011 22:43

Macdoodle - MN has a weird vibe some days... there's nothing wrong with 3 years olds having no knickers (or indeed no clothes) on, pottering about in your small cul-de-sac, nothing wrong with the kids knocking doors to ask if people want their cars washed - it's not like they're egging them if they say no is it!? It sounds like where I grew up, I wish all kids could have a childhood like that. I have photos with half the street in my paddling pool ...(it was BIG) different days we had different things on, swimsuits, knickers, nothing... it really didn't matter & still shouldn't.

So, if you want to send all of them over my way to wash my car tomorrow I'll gladly pay them a reasonable rate and they can do it wearing whatever they like! Grin

It's just nice seeing kids playing out & some bloody sunshine!

LovelyJudy · 10/04/2011 22:45

i completely agree Chipping Smile

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 10/04/2011 22:46

Jesus wept - so now it's wrong for a 3 year old to be playing out with four 9 year olds in a cul-de-sac FFS.

What's the maximum size cotton wool comes in??

Macdoodle - please move near us!

heliumballoons · 10/04/2011 22:48

Ah see Chipping comes along and I'm no longer a lone voice of reason. Grin

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 22:53

Chipping - it is a different world nowadays Sad. People are paranoid. Myself included.

Runningjustasfastasican · 10/04/2011 22:56

I agree with chipping too! I gave the kids in our cul de sac a brush recently and got them brush all the stones back into the driveways, they've also weeded my driveway and I'm hoping they'll be old enough to help me paint the fence this year :)

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 22:56

Were they wearing knickers?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/04/2011 22:57

Nothing wrong with being with the 9 year olds, I'd just vote for pants. Unless the OP's 3 year old DD doesn't do the standard 'How much of my dress/skirt/long T can I gather and bunch at my belly button' thing that most little girls do.

GreenEyesandHam · 10/04/2011 22:58

I have no problem with a three yr old wearing no knickers per se, nor with a group of kids washing cars etc. I live on a very quiet cul-de-sac myself, in a very quiet safe area.

The only bit I find offensive, is the OP deciding that the bloke must have a 'dirty mind', or that it 'says something about him'. I really think he was probably trying to be helpful, ie your mum mustn't know you have no knickers on

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 23:02

Yup, paranoia! Also i wonder what else this dirty minded man - yeah right- has observed...maybe he just thought well if mother cant be bothered to dress children properly i have to do somethign other than call SS??????

  • disclaimer - i hardly ever wear knickers - but im 37 - so what?
violethill · 10/04/2011 23:03

Hmmm..... the OP's dd2 is described as "just a baby" but then suddenly becomes old enough and reliable enough to be supervised for half an hour by a 9 year old!

Also agree GreenEyes that the most offensive thing is the comment about the neighbour having a 'filthy mind'. This is by her own admission a man she doesn't know, so she's basing her comment purely on the fact that he told the girls to get some trousers or knickers put on the 3 year old. He then actually let them distribute dirt on wash his car. But apparently he's some sicko with a filthy mind... Very sad that people make these assum

violethill · 10/04/2011 23:04

whoops assumptions

Runningjustasfastasican · 10/04/2011 23:07

Yes fully dressed :) but I think the OP accepted that she was wrong regarding the pants and comments about the man.

She was annoyed that others were insinuating that her children were wandering the streets alone and hassling people for money.

Not everywhere is different - I think the kids in my cul de sac enjoy a very similar outdoor life to the one I had!

NonnoMum · 10/04/2011 23:09

Maybe the neighbour works in Child Protection/Education/Police etc and knows that some very strange folks like to go around photographing young girls. He was protecting himself (and your daughter). Don't get so defensive and accusatory.
And you need to be more aware.
The world went mad a long time ago. Very sorry that you didn't realise until now.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 23:10

Seems odd though OP is so free and easy with her children - like she should be - but states a neighbour that tried to help had a dirty mind hmmm

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 23:11

with pants though

all i have to say OP

all the best