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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world has gone mad?

237 replies

macdoodle · 10/04/2011 18:33

or AIBU??
We live in a quiet residential cul de sac. lots of children. DD1 (9) and her friends are going round offering to wash cars. DD2 (3) is with them.
They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock
She was wearing a long Tshirt and wellies Grin, she had been playing in the garden with no pants on. I thought nothing of it TBH, she is 3 FGS.
Surely its his own filthy mind he should be worried about rather than my 3yr old??
I don't know AIBU?? I've put some trousers on her now.

OP posts:
StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 21:08

BTW the OP's children were not washing the cars for money

violethill · 10/04/2011 21:16

I think the issue of whether it was for money or not is irrelevant. They were unlikely to make a decent job of it (a few 9 year olds 'helped' by a 3 yr old!) so I get the impression it was more about providing entertainment for them rather than genuinely helping.

I've also noticed that the OP refers to her dd peeing in a bush later in the thread - so clearly she's so young she hasn't yet understood about where its appropriate to pee - yet another reason why it's pretty inconsiderate to be letting her wander around neighbours gardens and driveways.

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 21:17

I agree but also quite a few posters are berating the OP for letting her DC 'beg' - just wanted to point out that was unfair

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 21:18

ok I accepted a few pages back that I was BU but clearly everyone just reads the OP.
Just to clarify a few things that I take exception to.
She was NOT wandering the streets.
She was NOT alone.
She was NOT knocking doors.
She was with 4 very responsible 9yr olds. I could hear them clearly.
They were not begging for money or bothering people. They are lovely polite girls. I am very sad that this is considered bothering (that was who the misery comment was aimed at). Perhaps I should lock them in the house Hmm
She was NOT naked. You could barely tell she had no knickers on, I couldnt.
I was NOT accusing the neighbour of anything, but was surprised it was an issue. Clearly I am wrong.

OP posts:
StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 21:20

macdoodle, but you seem to think the reasons we all think it inappropriate are because of paedophiles etc. I don't. I just think it's inappropriate in the same way as it would be for me to go out knickerless.

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 21:21

This thread is making me break out in a cold sweat, going to have one of those "at work, important meeting, look down, no knickers" dreams tonight :o

violethill · 10/04/2011 21:22

There is a broad spectrum between your children going round to neighbours and offering to "clean" their cars and being locked in the house! Many of us have pointed out perfectly valid alternatives - washing the swings/slide/outdoor toys in the garden for instance.

Once you start letting your children wander around the neighbours (particularly ones you don't know) without knickers and offering to "help", then you need to take other people's feelings into account as well.

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 21:22

They were perfectly capable of saying no thank you to the girls. As did most of them including very good neighbours next door.
They did mine, the 2 other lots of parents, and funnily enough the man who complained about the knickers.
A single knock at the door is hardly bothering. They are well spoke and polite. When said no they smiled cheerily and went off.
I actually think this part of it shocks me more, that people think this is being bothered by hoards of children.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/04/2011 21:23

Sorry, but I don't want to be bothered by "lovely polite" children I don't know during my weekends - perhaps this man felt the same way.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/04/2011 21:24

Not everyone likes children, macdoodle. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe his dog had just died. In the end, no biggy, eh?

violethill · 10/04/2011 21:25

You said your dd was peeing in a bush later.
So clearly although they may be polite and nicely behaved children, your 3 year old isn;t properly toilet trained, or at least doesn't understand where it's appropriate to pee, which is reason enough in itself to take other people's feelings into account

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 21:25

I think I accepted IABU with fairly good grace a few pages back now. She will be wearing knickers in public.
I am taking umbrage with the comments about my children's actions. I don't think what they were doing was unreasonable.
And that I think is my last comment on this thread.

OP posts:
violethill · 10/04/2011 21:27

And I agree with ilovesooty.

It doesn't make people miserable, or kiddy haters. Some people just like their privacy. I have 3 children, I spend all week teaching several hundred teenagers, and I would not appreciate having small children I don't know knocking on my door offering their services on a peaceful Sunday.

Nothing personal - just about accepting that other people rarely find your children as charming as you do

changejustforyou · 10/04/2011 21:28

As a person from the continent, very odd thread to me. A 3 years old, wearing a long t-shirt and no pants, so what is the big deal????. My dc who is 4 has sometimes forgotten to put on her pants underneath her trousers/leggings and gone to school. Is this also bad???

violethill · 10/04/2011 21:29

Not bad if they forget - just a little uncomfy - you know, chafing!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/04/2011 21:33

I have the opposite problem. Unsupervised, DS2 just adds to his pants on a daily basis. I regularly peel two or even three pairs off of him at bath time. He does the same thing with socks, oddly.

winnybella · 10/04/2011 21:34

yy changejustforyou no clue what the problem is Grin

Oh well.

violethill · 10/04/2011 21:34

Grin chickens

megapixels · 10/04/2011 21:38

No he doesn't have a filthy mind if he sent her home to put on knickers! That is the exact opposite of what a filthy minded person would have done. The man was probably concerned about your daughter. And who can blame him - wandering about with some 9 year olds looking to wash cars, minus knickers, peeing in a bush. Oh dear.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 21:42

I agree with ilovesooty.
I also don't think that you can have it both ways! Posters on MN are obsessed with the danger from men-generally perfectly normal ones -and they drag their boys off to the ladies toilets and the ladies changing rooms at the swimming pool (despite ladies not liking it!), they worry about male nursery workers and even about men eating sandwiches in their cars and then get all uptight because one doesn't want to put himself in a compromising situation!

takethisonehereforastart · 10/04/2011 21:43

I don't think there is anything wrong with your daughter playing at home or in your garden with no pants on but I don't think she should be trotting about the street or into neighbours gardens.

It's not just about protecting her from harm, which I admit she is unlikely to come to.

But that man had a right to protect himself too. It only takes one busybody to notice he has a half naked child in his house or garden and gossip could cause him serious harm.

Also, he had no way to know you were happy to let her play in the street in only a t-shirt and may well have been expecting you, her father and a fleet of police cars to arrive and accuse him of being a paedophile.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 21:44

I worry more about the poor male neighbour answering his door feeling uncomfortable with a feeling of he might be accused of something. He could have felt that way too. I would be enraged if my DH or other male family member/friend was accused becasue a Mother sent her child into the street KNOWING she had no underwear on.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 21:46

If i had a DH.

beesimo · 10/04/2011 21:59

OP

I have been thinking about this thread and although I am firmly in the pants on camp, I think your DDs must be having a lovely fun childhood with you as their Mam. I have just been talking to my DD1 about this and apparently I was a repressive influence over her body but she has managed to get over the complexes I gave her about it so I am forgiven...

humbly thanks DD1

As you will find you can't do right for doing wrong where rearing them goes.

Be happy with your lasses and don't take well meaning advice the wrong way.

Beesimo

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 22:01

Thank you Beesimo :)

OP posts: