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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world has gone mad?

237 replies

macdoodle · 10/04/2011 18:33

or AIBU??
We live in a quiet residential cul de sac. lots of children. DD1 (9) and her friends are going round offering to wash cars. DD2 (3) is with them.
They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock
She was wearing a long Tshirt and wellies Grin, she had been playing in the garden with no pants on. I thought nothing of it TBH, she is 3 FGS.
Surely its his own filthy mind he should be worried about rather than my 3yr old??
I don't know AIBU?? I've put some trousers on her now.

OP posts:
Flowerpotmummy · 10/04/2011 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violethill · 10/04/2011 20:10

I'm with alistron

You said yourself, OP, that you don't know this guy, so presumably he doesn't know your dds.

If I were enjoying a quiet sunny Sunday afternoon, the last thing I would want is a load of neighbourhood kids I didn't know turning up on my doorstep offering to move dirt from one part of my car to another clean my car. I love my own kids, and am very tolerant of other people's (I'm a teacher FGS!) but I draw the line at having a horde of 9 year olds, with 'baby' (your words) sibling in tow, wanting to entertain themselves by chucking water over my car.

Gather up your outdoor toys, give the kids a bucket of soapy water and let them "clean" them (knickerless or otherwise) in your own back garden. Other people don't necessarily find it endlessly charming to have everyone elses kids pitching up on them!

violethill · 10/04/2011 20:12

P.S And no, I'm not a misery guts - I just enjoy the peace (and rarity) of a hot sunny Sunday in April!

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/04/2011 20:13

Agree TheFirstMrsDeVere. Context. She can wander around naked in her garden/house and it's not an issue. If she's going to wander in the street or someone else's driveway, she should have pants on - not necessary to put a top on her as she's so little.

heliumballoons · 10/04/2011 20:16

If shes anything like my DS at that age she probably lifted her t-shirt and announced she had no pants on. Grin

YANBU as such IMO, apparently until I was 6yo I would go around in just jelly bean shoes, then just knickers and shoes - I wasn't allowed a bikin top until II was 11yo Shock. That was then though.

I agree that knickers and wellies would have been a better option. Although I do remeber camping just wearing a hooded towel to walk back to the tent in after swimming, or on the beach.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 20:16

YADBU!

Dress the child appropriatley! I am shocked you let the child walk about undressed.

OkeeDoeKee · 10/04/2011 20:16

YABTU. I really don't get this idea that it's sweet or cute for children to be running around naked. what is the problem with putting a nappy or pair of knickers on?? As a child, even when very young I felt uncomfortable not wearing knickers.

I really don't want to see anyone's genitals no matter what age they are and it's nothing to do with paedophilia or anything else like that.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 20:17

My Mother would never let us knock doors to ask to wash cars. She said it was nothing short of begging, I think she was a bit harsh there though!

PaperView · 10/04/2011 20:19

I would have sent her home too actually. I am not a man but i don't want to potentially have to clean up another childs piss and shit that i don't really know.

I wouldn't want the responsibility of her in my garden either tbh. The 9 YOs may well do an amazing job cleaning my car but they also may not notice that 3 YO has wandered off somewhere - perhaps to mess around in have a look in the pile of junk waiting to be sent to the tip?

Psammead · 10/04/2011 20:19

I would be concerned if a child was wondering around the neighbourhood for any length of time with no underwear on. Knickers, shorts, teeshirt, shoes, done.

MarshaBrady · 10/04/2011 20:21

I would be rather irritated by all this if I were the man. Annoyed by a child, whose parent who can't be bothered to dress, badgering me for money.

I am not grumpy or unreasonable but there is no other way to type that without appearing it. Wink

So YABU.

Nothing to do with society, just one of those our own children are cuter/more acceptable to us things.

I really don't think you should question his agenda at all. Or use the world has gone mad tagline.

Indith · 10/04/2011 20:26

I don't let the dcs go around naked in public, agree with the majority that she should have pants on in the street. Mine are 4 anbd 2. Naked at home, fine. Naked in the garden (which is at the front of the house and overlooks the street) fine. Naked actually in the street, no. I think it is just a basic thing, part of learning how the world works, that we put clothes on to go out. Mind you the 2 year old did strip completely naked at craft group the other day and I had to chase her around the room to put clothes back on Grin.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 20:27

Mind you the 2 year old did strip completely naked at craft group the other day and I had to chase her around the room to put clothes back on

LMAO

Onetoomanycornettos · 10/04/2011 20:29

Well, he isn't a paedophile as he send the underdressed three year old away! He may have just said something like 'I think I'd pop her home and put some pants on if I were you' to one of the nine year olds.

It is not prudish to wear pants, I do it all the time. I am not protecting myself from anyone looking, no-one would be interested in my bits, but they would be wondering why I broke a social taboo not to wear knickers in public.

It is all context, my bikini is fine on the beach, and in my own back garden. My children run naked in the house and in our back garden, but the front is visible to all the public walking past, so I saw pants and a vest-top or t-shirt as a minimum when out the front. A cul de sac is a public place, it's a road, it's not the same as being free and easy in private.

I cannot believe you were insinuating anything about this man because he noticed your 3 year old had no knickers on, even I would clock that and wonder why the child had none on.

Kallista · 10/04/2011 20:30

3 x YABU from me.
1 - I know lots of people who would hate random kids on their doorstep. 2 - Let alone a toddler without knickers that any pervert can stare at. If your daughter wandered off - toddlers move fast - people would be wary of helping a child with no underwear.
3 - i wouldn't let a 3 year old out with a young child and no adult.

millie30 · 10/04/2011 20:31

My 2 year old DS stripped off yesterday and decided to climb on the living room window sill and flash all his bits to the street. I found that embarrassing enough, no way would I let him run around naked outside, it's undignified.

YABU.

felicity10 · 10/04/2011 20:31

Sorry but YABU, it has nothing to do with who's looking, you just don't go out in public without knickers on, whatever your age! Swimming, running around the house etc. is totally different, if you're out, knickers ON!

TattyDevine · 10/04/2011 20:32

The OP sounds defensive to me, more than a paedo-cryer. She sounds like she's a bit stung that a neighbour implied her neglect by drawing attention to something she didn't notice and called for her to uphold a standard she did not hold.

And thus she is bringing him down to make herself feel better.

That's what it looks like to me, OP. I dont think its dreadful that she was wandering round knickerless nor would I specifically recommend it...I feel indifferent to that issue, but it does sound like you are defensive.

The thing is, you didn't really hear the tone or context of his comment nor the way it was delivered. It just might not have been that bad, it might have been very flippant or jokey or sing-song, who knows. He may not have barked orders at them.

Let it go, I say. And do what you want, if you dont think its wrong. There sure isn't a law against it nor should there be. If you feel its fine in the context of your environment and immediate surroundings then go ahead...its different for everybody.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 20:34

My 2 year old DS stripped off yesterday and decided to climb on the living room window sill and flash all his bits to the street.

hahahaha oh dear!

Kallista · 10/04/2011 20:35

I expect the man was concerned for her safety.

caramelwaffle · 10/04/2011 20:41

You are being unreasonable. Very unreasonable.
By sending the children away, it shows this man is, in all likelyhood, not peadophile and does not want to be accused of being one.

Sending them out to wash cars is an Excellent idea. Very entrepreneurial!
We did this as children.

atswimtwolengths · 10/04/2011 20:42

Has anyone else ever heard of a paedophile who tells a child to put her knickers on?

You are unreasonable, OP. If you knew she didn't have her knickers on, you should have not let her out unless she had them on.

I live in a similar cul-de-sac and I dislike having the kids knocking on the door asking to wash my car. It ALWAYS needs a car wash afterwards. As someone said, it's just like begging for money. They're not doing someone a favour, are they? They can't reach on top of the car.

If the little one wanted to wash something, then let her wash her toys in the back garden.

YouaretooniceNOT · 10/04/2011 20:46

To send your daughter out into the street wearing no underwear is not only totally irresponsible for the safety and wellbeing of your child but for the general public/neighbours too. What if your little girl had shown the man her genitals by lifting her t-shirt? The children may have twisted their story and you would have called the police.....Think on...

vmcd28 · 10/04/2011 20:47

3yr old showing off her bits and bobs to a neighbour you "don't know"?
If a 3yr old girl I did know came to my door knickerless, I'd be shocked enough!

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 21:07

Wearing knickers is just about basic dignity and decency
(and not scaring the horses in my case)

My DCs are regularly naked in front of friends and family (both male and female) but in general public I expect underwear!

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