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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world has gone mad?

237 replies

macdoodle · 10/04/2011 18:33

or AIBU??
We live in a quiet residential cul de sac. lots of children. DD1 (9) and her friends are going round offering to wash cars. DD2 (3) is with them.
They have just come in saying a neighbour (one I don't know) has told them to come in and put some knickers/trousers on DD2 Shock
She was wearing a long Tshirt and wellies Grin, she had been playing in the garden with no pants on. I thought nothing of it TBH, she is 3 FGS.
Surely its his own filthy mind he should be worried about rather than my 3yr old??
I don't know AIBU?? I've put some trousers on her now.

OP posts:
SanctiMoanyArse · 10/04/2011 19:27

'I'm trying to understand why its unreasonable. Is it because it offends sensibility? Or because we are afraid of paedophiles? Of photos ? Being snatched'

None of the above: it's because we live in a society where a man (or indeed a woman) can be accused of being a paedophile and lose everything overnight with no evidence and never a conviction

Same reason i can't be alone with the kids at the school I help out at, no student or helper can: once bitten (false accusation) twice shy and all that.

Mind, ds4 has been running about garden in just a Tee but I wouldn't have let him go outside the garden like that.

HappyMummyOfOne · 10/04/2011 19:29

YABU, both for letting a child roam the street with no pants and for letting a three year old out alone.

I would have sent a neighbours child home to get dressed if they turned up on my drive half naked.

LoveLeonardCohen · 10/04/2011 19:33

I don't think I would let my DD be in public with a bare bum. I'm not saying this is rational and I can't even pin point why, but when my DS was little (talking about under 2), I didn't mind so much if he was pantless for a bit but with DD I think I would put pants on her

SummerRain · 10/04/2011 19:37

In your neighbour's position I would have assumed the child had stripped off without her mother's permission and sent her home to get clothes too.

Plus I hate seeing small children roaming free peeing all over the place because the parents have a holier than though attitude to 'letting kids be kids'.... I've spent far too many trips to beaches watching naked children pee all over the beach and rockpools, in one case a small child squatted to pee right behind us so we had to move to avoid the downhil trickle and the parents didn't even blink Hmm

What your child chooses to do in your own garden is your business but maybe your neighbours would prefer to water their own begonias?

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 19:37

She wasn't alone she was with 4 very responsible 9 yr olds. My door was open I could hear them it is a very safe quiet area. They were not asking for money just for fun. Those that said no they just went away politely. They were playing out nicely in the sunshine you are a bunch of miseries am very glad we don't live near you lot.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 10/04/2011 19:37

If I were your neighbour , I would probably think, "Oh dear, macdoodle obviously doesn't realise her dd2 is going around knickerless and I wonder if she realises dd1 has taken her out of the house" I would probably err on the side of caution and tell dd1 to take her home.

tbh, macdoodle, I do see where you are coming from but I would always make sure the boys were fully dressed leaving the house.

( Apart from when ds3 escaped the house in a babygro without dh and I noticing and was brought back by a neighbour.Blush)

MuthaHubbard · 10/04/2011 19:37

take it from his point of view - imagine someone reported him for sitting outside his house looking at a semi naked child? despite it all being taken out of context, this is something that could happen and he didn't feel comfortable with taking that chance. agree with sancti

whatsallthehullaballoo · 10/04/2011 19:38

YABVU - It is not appropriate for a 2 year old to be in public with no knickers on. This man did you a favour in all honesty. Just because there is not a paedophile on every corner doesn't mean there are not any on any corner...

I do not think strangers should have to be face with your daughters privates and having to avert their gaze - she is in public and should dress as we all dress. In the privacy of your own garden...fair enough.

Original poster
macdoodle · 10/04/2011 19:39

She didn't wee everywhere and certainly wouldnt in pool though the sea maybe do you think the sea is sterile and chlorinated?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 10/04/2011 19:40

It's not being miserable or saying DC shouldn't be out playing in the sunshine OP.

SanctiMoanyArse · 10/04/2011 19:40

Oh Cm that almost happened to us- sw people outside the window pointing (no front garden) and thought WTF is going on.... and then saw them chase ds4 down the road! Thank goodness they were there!

LovelyJudy · 10/04/2011 19:45

YA definitely NBU. it's normal and acceptable for children of this age to be running around naked on a hot day. I'm horrified that so many people think otherwise. i feel all sad and sick that the world is becoming so daily mailish.

gordyslovesheep · 10/04/2011 19:45

hmmmmm reading this I have only one response

Biscuit
HowAnnoying · 10/04/2011 19:45

So he gets accused of being a pervert for telling her to put some knickers on, but if he hadn't he may well of been accused of being a pervert for having her running around half naked in front of him!

Or maybe he wasn't thinking about himself at all, and just worried the OP didn't know her DD was out and about with no knickers on.

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 19:47

bunch of miseries??

are we??

not at all,just sensible.

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 19:50

my own dd has recently been filmed naked by a man. we have no idea if he's a paedophile selling stuff/collecting footage or an innocent man.....this was at an innocent sleepover. police case going on so cant say too much

i wont know til june......i'm not sleeping well i can promise you

but i'm a 'misery' ...for suggesting people just dont want to see naked children....well some do! clearly

GloriaSmut · 10/04/2011 19:51

I don't see what "society" has to do with it - in the context of "says a lot about society" because when ever has it been acceptable to send a three year old out to roam the street without any knickers on?

In the privacy of your own home and garden children should feel free to be as naked as you and they like. But I'd be fairly astonished to find a knickerless child out in public too and I'm as broad minded as the next broad-minded person. Given the total hysteria about paedophiles lurking around every corner I'm not surprised that your neighbour felt distinctly uneasy about the presence of your inappropriately (un)dressed child.

winnybella · 10/04/2011 19:54

God, what is it with UK and paedophilia obssession?

Of course a 3yo can run around naked on a hot day.

She's a child ergo there's nothing sexual about her or her genitals. If someone is a paedophile, he'll get his kicks out of her knickered bum anyway.

It's definitely a sad state of things if people have to worry about being accused of being a paedo because there's a naked toddler playing somewhere close to them Hmm

YANBU, OP

InMyPrime · 10/04/2011 19:56

If you wouldn't let an older child out without any underwear on, why would you let a 3-year old out like that? There is this idea that toddlers or babies are just 'cute' and harmless and make a sweet picture wandering around in such an innocent way. I think that's wrong - they are people in their own right and their dignity as people should be protected, as much as you'd protect the dignity of an older child. If it's not dignified for an older child to be wandering around pant-less, why is it 'cute' for a 3 year old??

alistron1 · 10/04/2011 19:56

TBF, if I were disturbed on a sunday afternoon by an assortment of kids wanting to muck around with my car I'd be a bit irritated.

I don't think the guy has a filthy mind, it's not unreasonable to expect a kid to be fully dressed if you are going to let them wander around in public.

And you said yourself in your OP that you don't know him, WTF are you doing letting a three year old go knocking on strangers doors?

Or are cul-de-sacs some sort of strange place where the normal rules of polite society don't apply?!

Confused.com.

GloriaSmut · 10/04/2011 19:58

Yes, it is a sad state of affairs, winnybella but as I said before, I don't remember there being a time - even when everyone wasn't obsessed with paedophilia - when it was appropriate to send your children out in public without their knickers on.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 10/04/2011 19:58

Its not her being without knickers is it? Its the context.

I am nearly 44 and when I was a kid it was perfectly acceptable for a child that age to be knickerless in the park paddling pool or on the beach. Any mother who sent her child out in the street like that (and we did play out at that age) would have been the subject of a lot of hard stares and gossip.

Journey · 10/04/2011 19:58

Puts some pants on her for goodness sake. Yes, she may only be three years old but as her carer you should give her some diginity. A child deserves that.

I wouldn't want a child coming round to my house with no pants on. It's not about a filthy mind. It's respect for your DD.

Easterfeaster · 10/04/2011 20:00

Macdo. Where is the age cut off where it is or isn't acceptable to go knickerless in your opinion?

Merryleggs · 10/04/2011 20:07

Look, you are missing the point.

He just didn't want to entertain your kids.

And instead of merely saying 'no thanks' he actually wanted to send them back from whence they came. To make sure they were contained and would not bother him again. So he told the kid to go home and put some pants on.

Nothing to do with his 'filthy mind'.

If you are all for letting your kids run around the neighbourhood, you should be applauding his 'Big Society' response. Parenting by proxy.

If you don't want them to risk being told what to do by a stranger, tell them only to knock on the doors of people they know.

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