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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be judgey about parents with babies with REALLY flat heads

324 replies

BigGingerCat · 08/04/2011 10:20

Second AIBU thread I've started today - I must be mad.

First off - my DS has a bit of a flat patch, very mild. I know it happens because we all lay babies on their backs to sleep now, and it is apparently just cosmetic. Not talking about mild or moderate cases as these I understand can fix themselves when the baby gets older. I also accept that there is only so much you can do. But I go to a lot of baby groups and I would say that about 1 in 20 babies I've seen have heads which are entirely flat at the back, i.e from the neck up it's just a straight line. Literally it shocks me and I'm not easily shockable. And these same parents put their babies straight down on their backs for the whole of the baby group. Mine can't sit but I hold him on my lap, put him on his tummy, turn his head etc.... all things which I would have thought were basic common sense things to do.

I am not judging women who have PND and who are too exhausted and miserable to function, and where this may be a factor. I have it too. But there is no excuse for letting your baby get like this - surely skulls can't always pop back to normal if they're that far gone out of shape? Feel really sorry for the kids concerned, especially boys as their hair won't cover it. Am I the only person who notices this sort of thing and gets....well a bit judgey quite frankly?

OP posts:
WassaAxolotl · 08/04/2011 13:18

P.S:

Weaning is hell for lots of us. I know it can be awful, watching foods be ignored or thrown, and the HV says, "Well he should be on x meals a day now" in a disapproving tone. He will learn to eat.

When was the last time you saw an NT ten year old still only drinking milk? It doesn't happen! Your baby won't be the first unweaned ten year old, either!

Pancakeflipper · 08/04/2011 13:19

I have a feeling BGC you'd like to start today over again?

Flat heads are caused for lots of different reasons and different parents react in different ways so a generalisation is going to get flamed. When really, you have seen something first hand with 1 particular person and their attitude has worried/angered/ concerned you. We won't argue the toss if you should say anything cos that's an entirely new thread.

But don't lose any sleep on this thread will you please? I was miffed but that's cos of MY experiences and it threw up a load of forgotten emotions. I felt like my son looked abit freaky and no-one wants to think that about their kid. We have a happy ending though.

Thank you for your apologies and coming out of hiding.

I keep seeing the references to you struggling? If we can help, MNetters will. Obviously not in this section of the boards Grin. I don't want to think of you needing a shoulder to lean on and now to scared to say anything.

RitaMorgan · 08/04/2011 13:20

So you think there are people who deliberately/neglectfully give their babies flat heads and don't give a fuck about it? And this is based on them not going to baby group and admitting to being shit parents and begging for help?

turdass · 08/04/2011 13:21

I have got a big flat bit on the back of my head even though I am 40 because I was born with dislocated hips and had to wear a leg brace thingy for a long time. Fortunately, despite my hideous disability Hmm I have still managed to get good qualifications at post grad level, attract and keep a mate and breed two DCs. Should I go and beat my mother for obviously neglecting me?

Also both my Dss have flat bits and I know I was a good mother with both of them.

OP if you have time to go round judging the shape of other people's babies heads and worrying about what others think when your child has scratches on his face (btw most of them do this at some point and I am guessing other people didn't give a damn) then I really think you need to take up a hobby.

Parenting is not a competition and sorry OP but no one is going to give you a big prize for your child's head not being flat. We all just do the best we can.

WassaAxolotl · 08/04/2011 13:23

We-ell, RitaMorgan, there very well might be.

Whether the parents the OP met fall into that bracket is another question.

Original poster
BigGingerCat · 08/04/2011 13:24

Rita - based on the woman's comment to me the other week, yes.

turdass - no, as I said a couple of times, I don't judge anyone who is a certain way because of their birth. Clearly you weren't neglected, can you really not see that I am not talking about you, or did we cross-post?

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 13:29

babies with flat heads? Jesus christ almighty.

I don't really know what to say. However BigGinge you sound very down about yourself. Don't feel you have failed - however crap you feel you really must not dwell on every tiny little aspect. You will drive yourself batty.

I know how hard it is to look on the bright side and to view positives - I have suffered from depression on and off for donkey's years, I do know it is very easy to analyse things for days and get in a real state.

have you anyone to talk to about feeling low in RL? If not there are plenty of people on MN who are helpful and will listen, it has helped me massively over the years.

However, babies with flat heads and the judgement thereof is complete bollocks, mate.

Original poster
BigGingerCat · 08/04/2011 13:32

Pelvic - "I'm guessing as you feel so many things have gone wrong that the shape of your baby's head is something you've got right?"

yes.

OP posts:
ArthurPewty · 08/04/2011 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BogTrotter · 08/04/2011 13:42

Is this for real???????

Despite all my best efforts, my 9 month old daughter has a slightly flat head on one side and has had since birth. I've been assured (???) that it will correct itself as she grows but it is still the source of some stress. However, the idea that I may be judged by some absolutely nobody is something I actually find very amusing .

Get over yourself!

Pancakeflipper · 08/04/2011 13:43

Oh it's gets more ridiculous/hilarious.
A perfect skull is not down to good parenting.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 13:48

I am not normally such a reasonable poster but I must be in a good mood today becauae I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Hopefully you will remember this thread in 6 months and think 'what crap I was speaking'

Because it is a load of nonsense.

You can't help the shape of your head, and you can't flatten a babies head. Babies heads are not made out of plasticine. You cannot flatten a skull by lying a baby down.

Actually after typing all that I am starting to realise how ridiculous it all is. OP - stop autowittering shite for fuck's sake.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 13:48

My being reasonable didn't last very long did it.

Grin
BogTrotter · 08/04/2011 13:50

......on a more supportive note, BGC, if your standards are this high about everything then it's no wonder you have PND. Not everything deserves judgement - if this is what you dish out then you will in turn expect negative judgement from others. This will only add a massive amount of completely unecessary pressure to your life.

Pancakeflipper · 08/04/2011 13:54

GetOrfMoiLand - as I am parent with 2 kids, 1 of which who has a perfect skull... Well I have just realised, he's the one I didn't belt around the back of head with the cast iron frying pan as a baby. Do you think that could explain it?

It's abit like saying any kid under the age of ten wearing glasses does so cos their parents let them watch too much TV.

lockets · 08/04/2011 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumpsadaisie · 08/04/2011 13:58

Well my DD has the most perfect little round head you ever saw and she spent all her time lying on her back. I was too lazy to force her to do tummy time which she hated.

I conclude that time spent lying on the back is not the only thing that causes flat heads.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 13:58

My DP has got a fat head.

Perhaps MIL rubbed lard on it when he was a babe.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 13:59

I put DD with a childminder FT at the age of 3 months and therefore she has no head at all.

lockets · 08/04/2011 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrainSurgeon · 08/04/2011 14:01

GOML Grin are you on Wine Wine Wine already?

Original poster
BigGingerCat · 08/04/2011 14:05

Getorf - I've seen a few sources now that say babies heads can be flattened by them laying on their backs. One of them being Cave's book called Your Baby Week by Week. There are a few inc Wikipedia which I've just googled.

I am not saying a perfect skull is down to my good parenting. i'm saying something a bit more subtle than that - more that his skull is fine, I've tried my best to keep it not-flat and it seems to have worked, so that's one thing I don't have to worry about and for that I'm pleased.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 08/04/2011 14:10

GetOrf - if your DP had a fat and flat head - your MIL could have rubbed in lard then fried an egg on it?

NoseyNooNoo · 08/04/2011 14:15

I have just read OP, not the responses - you are going to disappear inside those judget pants of yours.

My son had a flat head. It's still slightly wonky at 2.8 yrs. I part his hair on the other side so it evens out. He had lots of tummy time, he spent hardly any time in a car seat or pram. He had a special cot pillow, I repositioned him constantly but he liked looking left.

I hope no one is judging you for something that isn't your fault either.

YABU

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/04/2011 14:18

Who the fuck is Cave? Has he been living in one his entire life?

And wikipedia is full of shit. There is probably a page on there saying the world is flat.

And even if babies have flat heads, it obviously doesn't damage them. If it did there would be headlines in the Daily Mail "INCREASE IN FLAT HEADED BABY SYNDROME - IS THIS CAUSED BY WORKING MOTHERS"