To be judgey about parents with babies with REALLY flat heads

[BigGingerCat]

Second AIBU thread I've started today - I must be mad.

First off - my DS has a bit of a flat patch, very mild. I know it happens because we all lay babies on their backs to sleep now, and it is apparently just cosmetic. Not talking about mild or moderate cases as these I understand can fix themselves when the baby gets older. I also accept that there is only so much you can do. But I go to a lot of baby groups and I would say that about 1 in 20 babies I've seen have heads which are entirely flat at the back, i.e from the neck up it's just a straight line. Literally it shocks me and I'm not easily shockable. And these same parents put their babies straight down on their backs for the whole of the baby group. Mine can't sit but I hold him on my lap, put him on his tummy, turn his head etc.... all things which I would have thought were basic common sense things to do.

I am not judging women who have PND and who are too exhausted and miserable to function, and where this may be a factor. I have it too. But there is no excuse for letting your baby get like this - surely skulls can't always pop back to normal if they're that far gone out of shape? Feel really sorry for the kids concerned, especially boys as their hair won't cover it. Am I the only person who notices this sort of thing and gets....well a bit judgey quite frankly?

My step mums chiropractor declared she she could prevent autism if she could manipulate the neck early enough. Seriously. I could have done a tarot reading or palm reading that was as scientific

Sorry didn't realise was a zombie

I have a head that's flat at the back. My occiput just doesn't stick out at all. Never did, and my children are the same. It might be just normal variation rather than babies always being in the same position.

I never understood how people can wear a headband that goes round the back of their head under the hair: on me (and my girls) they just ride up. I try not to judge those with odd sticky out heads though ;-).

sorry ;-( Read it was a zombie thread after I posted

You have made me delurk for this one.........

YBVU and judgey I'm afraid.

I have DTS and one of them was born with plagiocephaly which badly effected his forehead too.
He simply didn't have enough room and was squashed, poor thing.
As a tiny infant he naturally wanted to rest his head to the effected side too, little monkey. We helped him as best we could and bought a special little pillow which repositioned his head.

He is nearly five now and one ear is a bit sticky out and slightly lower than the other one but it's only me and OH that notice. We think it gives him character and it suits him.

Just one more point before I relurk to the depths though.

Sometimes, in play group sessions he was given the look - you know the one where a mum checks your child over!
It's horrible to experience and please don't think that the baby's mum won't notice because believe me she will.

I am pregnant with my first child and I am so worried about this flat head business! I have googled it and I will make sure I know what is best to do to stop it from happening! I don't want my baby Laying on a play mat or in a bouncy chair for long periods of time if I can help it!

I genuinely didn't know this was a real thing until my friend (who tends to buy whatever the last magazine tells her she needs) told me you could buy anti-flat head pillows.

I just burst out laughing thinking it was a joke but no - she'd ordered them already :)

People look at the date! This is a zombie thread.

I can't say I think anything about babies with flatter heads than DD. I was happy when I took her to the osteopath and he said she had a wonderfully symmetrical head. But I'm happy when anyone compliments her, because I happen to think she is bloody marvellous.

Whoops!

Erm, some babies are BORN like this, my DS3 was. And the NHS DON'T cover the helmets needed to correct this, even in severe cases, in my PCT.

They refused for my DS3, who had a VERY severe issue.

I could not afford the £1,000+ cost of rectifying this.

He is 3yo now, and it is still obvious despite a full head of hair, that his head is 'oddly shaped'.

If I had had ANY way of affording the specialist helmet needed to fix this issue, I bloody would have.

He was BORN like that.

I leave his curly hair a bit longer than is usual for a boy to try to hide it a little, as that is the only option open to me.

So quit judging.

Please guys, leave this fucking thread alone. I remember it from 2011. The OP was a struggling woman with serious PND. She repeatedly clarified that her judgment did not extend to children with medical conditions.

Re-reading the thread, she was convinced that preventing a "flat spot" was the only thing she'd got right. She thought she had fucked up every single other bit of parenting. Including childbirth.

This thread was unwise. But she was ill. On the slim chance she didn't end up leaving MN entirely after this, I don't want her seeing yet more people piling in on her again.

MiaowTheCat

Call me when you're living with the reality of a baby and not just dripping around in idealism and I might start listening to what you have to say.

She was living with the reality of having a baby... That bit's definitely in the OP.

I think head shape must be largely genetic because I apparently would never sleep on my front- even though that was what was recommended when I was a baby- and can not remember a time from early childhood until right now where I've not slept on my back. And I have a very round head!

DS had a flat side to his head as he was born at 23 weeks and was in hospital for six months in SCBU.

YABU

Oh zombie........................oops

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

YABVVVU.

Two of my DSs had very flat heads because they have hypotonia which meant they couldn't sit or roll for a very long time. This kind of stuff is hard enough to deal with without people like you being judgemental abouf it.

Oops, zombie thread - sorry

My neighbours are Kurdish and they told me that they all have flat heads because they were lied on their backs on hard floors as children...

However I wouldn't automatically assume those people are bad mums, or that all Kurdish people have flat heads!

Why does this thread never die? It's been resurrected about 3 times that I can remember.

And it was weird enough the first time round!

zombie thread

zombie thread

My friends Dd has a very flat head like this.

We spend a good deal of time together and she definitely doesn't leave her Dd on her back all the time.

Dunno how her head is that shape but it's not from laying down all the time