To be judgey about parents with babies with REALLY flat heads

[BigGingerCat]

Second AIBU thread I've started today - I must be mad.

First off - my DS has a bit of a flat patch, very mild. I know it happens because we all lay babies on their backs to sleep now, and it is apparently just cosmetic. Not talking about mild or moderate cases as these I understand can fix themselves when the baby gets older. I also accept that there is only so much you can do. But I go to a lot of baby groups and I would say that about 1 in 20 babies I've seen have heads which are entirely flat at the back, i.e from the neck up it's just a straight line. Literally it shocks me and I'm not easily shockable. And these same parents put their babies straight down on their backs for the whole of the baby group. Mine can't sit but I hold him on my lap, put him on his tummy, turn his head etc.... all things which I would have thought were basic common sense things to do.

I am not judging women who have PND and who are too exhausted and miserable to function, and where this may be a factor. I have it too. But there is no excuse for letting your baby get like this - surely skulls can't always pop back to normal if they're that far gone out of shape? Feel really sorry for the kids concerned, especially boys as their hair won't cover it. Am I the only person who notices this sort of thing and gets....well a bit judgey quite frankly?

inanna12 - I'm sorry I don't think PND is a good reason for being horrible about other mothers. Possibly I'm lucky because when I suffer from depression I don't feel a compulsion to spend my time posting offensive comments or criticising other people - I'm more focussed on trying to cope with myself and my family. Or possibly I'm just not that horrible.

Having been around severe mental illness all my life, I don't think it gives you a get out of jail free card for being nasty.

YABVU. A lot of babies are born with flat heads. Their flat heads will go over time.

I work in the specialist children's team. If this condition was a consequence of parental neglect or a debilitating illness there would be many referrals to the team and I have yet to see a single one..

I believe you can buy helmets to help if you want. That is up the parents involved.

If a parent is distressed by it they should be able to access support.

Apart from that people should mind their own business.

I have four children each has been treated the same as a baby, my son had a flat head (it is still flat if you look under his hair and hes 4!) but my three girls have round heads with no hint of flatness - so I think it sometimes happens more easily for some babies anyway. YABU to judge over this.

No, flat heads do not go over time, some do. I know a child personally with a very flat head, he was referred to a consultant who told the mother it would right itself over time, it never did. He is now 12 and has a very flat head.

It's OK to say a flat head is purely cosmetic and people shouldn't be so judgmental and shallow when it's not your head that's flat.

If your child has a significant flat spot, and no other health issues (premature etc), then I think steps should be taken (if possible) to remedy it.

I am not going to even attempt to read 10 pages of this and I'll take a guess that it has all got pretty nasty and defensive, but my youngest is 11 so I sort of missed the 'must sleep on your back' obsession, and I am always astounded by how many babies (particularly boys for some reason) have very flat backs to their heads these days. I do hope it does sort itself out naturally.

schmee, i do agree with you that depression is not an excuse for gratuitous nastiness. but mental illness wreaks its havoc in different ways, and one of its more sneaky strategies is to alienate people. perhaps because, as you've said, you're familiar with mental ill-health, you've had a chance (seems a strange way of putting it!) to evolve coping strategies? (or maybe you're just lovely through and through - depression doesn't discriminate, in my experience).

My mother works in mental health and that is why I am not judging the OP either and think people should ease up. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Yeah - I too think you are being a bit "judgy" my baby developed a severe flat head and is now wearing a helmet to correct this problem. I first noticed this when he was a week old and spent the whole time re-positioning him and trying to help it along to correct itself - sadly Frank's skull was just too soft and it only got worse. Me and my partner becaome obssesed with making sure he wasn't laying on the flat side, made sure we did lots of tummy time, made sure we changed arms half way through a feed etc. I do remember feeling very upset at times when out for a coffee I would over hear people talking to each other about the shape of his head. Of course I pretended I didn't hear but deep down it hurt because I was doing my best and I only wanted people to think my baby was nothing but perfect. In the end because i worried about people looking at my baby I used to get him out of the pram and try to place him in such a way that people couldn't see his flat head. I remember one day when I took him into work I didn't get him out of the pram the whole time becuase I was so worried someone would mention his flat head - this was the turning point. Frank is near the end of his treatment and it's amazing how still at groups even with a big purple helmet on people pretend they can't see it! I don't mind but I have wondered if people think that he has to wear a helmet because I was only too happy to just let him lay on his back all day and that maybe I'm to blame for his head being flat, but I think after speaking to many mums who have gone through the same problems I now don't care what people think. I did the best for my baby, had sleepless nights about the shape of his head, googled and researched and became like a woman obssessed making sure he wasn't always lying on his back and in the end went down the helmet route as nothing else I tried worked so maybe think twice about judging because one of those mums could have been me and i'm quite sure after hearing my story you know I only ever wanted and did the best for my baby.

Haven't read all the thread but if you are BU to be judgey about babies with flat heads YANBU to wonder quite how they got their babies to lie down for such a prolonged periods - both my DC were at no risk of getting flat heads as they bloody wouldn't let me lie them down for more that 15 mins!

Hi.

I know this post is quite old now. My dd is8 months old and has flat head at the back. The NHS cannot do anything about it I had an appointment with the helmet company who said she needs a helmet but they would say that anyway I guess. Would you please be able to tell me weather your dd's head has completly rounded up and until what age did she have flat head? Thank you so much.

ZOMBIE THREAD**

Tammylucy if you want some advice it would be better to start a thread in the relevant section. I'm sure there are lots of posters who will be able to help

my DD had low tone so couldnt lift her head easilu and it was flat.

It is fine now.

YaBVU indeed.

Thank god this is a zombie thread..the teenagers in nappies ones was bad enough.

Zombie thread everyone!

You are a judgemental person. Shame on you.

With our DS1 (now 10), the paediatrician told us not to worry, that it would sort itself... but the truth is that he now has a fairly flat head! However, not sure what we could have done, as he used to sleep perfectly still on his back and would always go back to the same position. Prevent him from sleeping ;-) ??
Anyway, even with his not-perfectly shaped head, he is gorgeous!

You obviously have nothing better to do but look at babies flat heads, let go.
They will all eventually turn into toddlers, then infants won't be long before they are teens, plenty to stick your teeth into(shape of you own child's head will be the least of your problems) at those later stages.
I have two with reasonably flat heads, but boy they are very clever/intelligent, what strange obsession you have with superficial aesthetics, YABVU.
Oh and also be carful how you judge/view other mothers in baby group, you may end up being avoided and friendless, no one likes judgey balls buster.

Maybe she has found something better to do in last 3 years

One of my babies was an extra 3 weeks in the womb and by the time he came out, both his ears were flat. Took a year for them to look normal.

Never even noticed a kid with a flat head. Is this a wind up?

OP- google Flat Head Syndrome
It isn't the mothers fault - can happen to any baby.

Ooh, weird, a zombie thread that I posted on under a previous name. It's me, but it's not me

Hullo everyone,

As folks have pointed out, this is a zombie thread, and one perhaps best left sleeping.

Tammylucy - you might be better off posting in our behaviour and development topic, where there's currently a very interesting thread about flat head syndrome.