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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playground bully - aged 45

134 replies

Belgrano · 07/04/2011 12:33

I'm a bit gobsmacked and can't see how this could be reasonable (from his point of view). I can't see why any adult would behave like this....
The story is-
Yesterday was a lovely sunny day in the park so me, DD (4yrs1mth) and DS (20 months) went there for the afternoon. Late on, about 5 30 pm I lost DD for a bit while i was changing DS' nappy. Not worried because it is a big busy playground with the play area safely fenced off, i went looking for her. Eventually I found her queieing for a 'big' swing - standing beside a man who was pushing a child. She said 'I can't come I am queueing Mummy'. Fair enough. i was impressed she was standing so nicely and queueing.

There were 2 others around 8 or 10 yrs old queuing on the other side of the 2 swings and both swings were in use. It looked as though all the 4 other kids there belonged with this man. I said 'Come on, 2 minutes more then we have to go' and she said in a panic to the man and his children 'I've only got 2 minutes, can't I pleeeeease have a go?!'.

In his shoes I would have got my child off to give another child a quick go if they had been waiting so nicely and patiently and had to leave shortly. However I would also understand if the man had just said nothing and carried on pushing his child (although secretly might have thought him a bit mean). But oh no! He instead said very loudly so that she was humiliated and I could easily hear across the playground, 'NO! You are in the queue. That little girl is in front of you. It's NOT your turn. The world doesn't revolve around you you know'
Shock Shock Shock
Not quite the happy, sharing, sunny vibe of the playpark a moment before!
She burst into noisy sobs. I gathered her up and rushed away telling her to ignore the mean man.
Later I went up to him and said 'My daughter is only just 4 you know. What you did then was unnecessary and humiliating for her and she was very upset'. His response? A shrug and 'Well she's VERY pushy' with his arms crossed. PUSHY? Can this word be applied to a girl who is almost still a toddler and was queuing nicely, albeit a bit desperate for her turn because she is only just 4????
Who's being unreasonable please? She went to bed crying about it, because the man's daughter also told her mean things like 'I don't care about you little girl'. And these were 'nice' middle class types in an expensive area...!!

OP posts:
skaen · 07/04/2011 12:39

he was being completely UR but its good that he managed to make himself feel big and grown up by telling off a perfectly behaved 4 year old. If you see him again, make sure your DD grabs a swing quickly!

diddl · 07/04/2011 12:43

What he said was horrible-but maybe the girl at the front of the queue wasn´t his?

And tbh, sometimes you do have to leave a park before you have a chance to swing.

If he took his child off-which would be nice, how is he to know that your daughter will then get off when asked?

He handled it atrociously, but I see his point.

HuwEdwards · 07/04/2011 12:45

christ, you can keep your 'nice' middle class types and expensive area....

Salmotrutta · 07/04/2011 12:50

Whilst I agree that he should have been kinder and nicer I don't think he was patricularly unreasonable. You say you were there for the afternoon? So presumably your daughter had all afternoon to have a go on all the equipment and queueing is a fact of life in a busy park.
Not sure if "nice middle class types in an expensive area" is relevant - are working class people in less expensive areas unreasonable and rude by definition?

winnybella · 07/04/2011 12:52

What Salmotrutta said. He wasn't very kind, but he had a point.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 12:54

YABABU, so is your DD if she was still crying about it at bedtime TBH.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 07/04/2011 12:55

Actually "Nice" middle class parents are often the worst for protecting their darling offspring ;-)

I agree with Salmotrutta and Winny, that the man did have a point, although he put his point over very badly. Sticking my neck out a bit here but I have to say your daughter does sound a bit pushy. It wasn't his place to point it out though, especially not in the manner in which he did.

Journey · 07/04/2011 13:03

So just because you said to your DD you're going in two minutes you expect people to jump off the swing and let you your DD on. Your are unreasonable and like the guy said the world doesn't revolve around your child. For all you know he could of had to wait a while before his kids got on the swing. Your DD sounds a bit spoilt to still be upset by it at bedtime.

Your comment about middle class people was unnecessary and makes me question what you're really like. If people don't respond in the way you want you put them down - that's childish.

Tryharder · 07/04/2011 13:09

I knew mn would manage to find a way to justify a grown man namecalling a 4 year old. Hmm

Your DD was 4. It doesn't matter how she behaved - whether she queued patiently or not, tantrumed or not or was "pushy" or not (FFS how can you attribute adult character traits to a 4 year old). It wasn't his business or his place to comment.

A kind person would have let your DD have a go on the swings. He isn't kind so he should have kept his mouth shut.

I have met his type before, unfortunately. If your DH had been in the park with your DD, he wouldn't have dared say anything.

He is very lucky he didn't make a similar comment to distinctly working class DH or me...I would have told him to fuck the fuck off.

I am cross on your daughter's behalf, OP.

VinegarTits · 07/04/2011 13:21

he sounds like a twat

diddl · 07/04/2011 13:29

"I knew mn would manage to find a way to justify a grown man namecalling a 4 year old."

Has anyone thought that that´s acceptable?

I probabaly wouldn´t have let your daughter on OP if there was someone in front of her.

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2011 13:30

He didn't have to give her a turn, fair enough, but he didn't need to be so bloody nasty either! I can understand your dd being upset at the time, however, still crying at bedtime is a bit over-sensitive, and makes me think perhaps you made a bigger deal of it than necessary? I know all dc are different but mine would have forgotten about it after 10 mins.

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2011 13:30

BTW, I would have let her have a turn, she IS only 4 and had been queueing very patiently, and she said please :)

YouaretooniceNOT · 07/04/2011 13:31

YABU @ And these were 'nice' middle class types in an expensive area...!

ooh dear

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2011 13:31

That's if the other girl waiting was my dd, if she wasn't I would have asked her if it was okay.

slhilly · 07/04/2011 13:37

"The man had a point"?! What point? Did the little girl demand to have a go? No, she asked! The only point he had was the nob dangling metaphorically from his forehead.

Groovee · 07/04/2011 13:38

How do you know he was 45???

Chil1234 · 07/04/2011 13:45

YANBU but this is why adults should sit about on benches, let children play by themselves in playgrounds and not intervene unless there is a dust-up. When adults appoint themselves 'playground marshall' it always ends in tears.

diddl · 07/04/2011 13:53

""The man had a point"?! What point? Did the little girl demand to have a go? No, she asked! "

Does that mean that you have to say yes, then?

VivaLeBeaver · 07/04/2011 13:58

It doesn't mean you have to say yes. You can say no, but you can say it far more politely than he did. I agree, he sounds like a knob.

gkys · 07/04/2011 14:02

Are you lot crazy? He had a point? the man is an idiot and a bully, for goodness sake, what sort of person make a four year old cry? OP yoARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE HE DIDN'T HAVE A POINT HE IS JUST A VILE PERSON, come play at the working class areas with us, we may not speak thye queens english but that wouldn't have happened. hope your dc is feeling a bit better

gkys · 07/04/2011 14:03

that wasn't a slurr on all posters just the he had a point ones

mamababa · 07/04/2011 14:05

FFS, who are the adults here? Children do need to learn to take their turn, she was queuing, she might be a bit pushy, she might be a bit oversensitive but she's 4!!!
He's an adult, he should know better. 'The world doesnt revolve around you, you know' What an arse.
What's wriong with saying,'sorry sweetie, but this little girl queued too and she's not finished' If I'd have been you OP, he'd get a less on how not to behave like a 4 year old

mamababa · 07/04/2011 14:05

Sorry, I mean a lesson!!

slhilly · 07/04/2011 14:07

"diddl Thu 07-Apr-11 13:53:52
""The man had a point"?! What point? Did the little girl demand to have a go? No, she asked! "

Does that mean that you have to say yes, then? "

Is that a serious question? On the off-chance that it is, of course he didn't have to say yes. Surely it's obvious, though, that that's not the point. The point is how he said "no". He was vile and made a four-year old cry. Are you saying you approve of this behaviour? If so, what is your rationale for approving of this behaviour?