Playground bully - aged 45

[Belgrano]

I'm a bit gobsmacked and can't see how this could be reasonable (from his point of view). I can't see why any adult would behave like this....
The story is-
Yesterday was a lovely sunny day in the park so me, DD (4yrs1mth) and DS (20 months) went there for the afternoon. Late on, about 5 30 pm I lost DD for a bit while i was changing DS' nappy. Not worried because it is a big busy playground with the play area safely fenced off, i went looking for her. Eventually I found her queieing for a 'big' swing - standing beside a man who was pushing a child. She said 'I can't come I am queueing Mummy'. Fair enough. i was impressed she was standing so nicely and queueing.

There were 2 others around 8 or 10 yrs old queuing on the other side of the 2 swings and both swings were in use. It looked as though all the 4 other kids there belonged with this man. I said 'Come on, 2 minutes more then we have to go' and she said in a panic to the man and his children 'I've only got 2 minutes, can't I pleeeeease have a go?!'.

In his shoes I would have got my child off to give another child a quick go if they had been waiting so nicely and patiently and had to leave shortly. However I would also understand if the man had just said nothing and carried on pushing his child (although secretly might have thought him a bit mean). But oh no! He instead said very loudly so that she was humiliated and I could easily hear across the playground, 'NO! You are in the queue. That little girl is in front of you. It's NOT your turn. The world doesn't revolve around you you know'

Not quite the happy, sharing, sunny vibe of the playpark a moment before!
She burst into noisy sobs. I gathered her up and rushed away telling her to ignore the mean man.
Later I went up to him and said 'My daughter is only just 4 you know. What you did then was unnecessary and humiliating for her and she was very upset'. His response? A shrug and 'Well she's VERY pushy' with his arms crossed. PUSHY? Can this word be applied to a girl who is almost still a toddler and was queuing nicely, albeit a bit desperate for her turn because she is only just 4????
Who's being unreasonable please? She went to bed crying about it, because the man's daughter also told her mean things like 'I don't care about you little girl'. And these were 'nice' middle class types in an expensive area...!!

Sorry that should have been 3.11 year old.

Regardless of whether they'd had a conversation before, the way the man spoke to her was wrong.

the way he spoke was unreasonable but the sentiment behind it was not!

I do wonder though why the OP said there was only 2 mins left before going when it was obvious her DD was queuing for a turn? Why not say we are going after your go??? Sounds like you were hinting for her to jump the queue!

If my child had asked to jump the queue, I'd have stepped in and said she should wait her turn or go on something else for the last few mins! Maybe the bloke was irritated with it all and thats why he spoke out of turn?

I don't think that's fair on the OP. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't come back to this thread. She's been accused f all sorts. Her daughter is apparently brattish, spoiled and over-sensitive. jEEZ

Clearly the man was an idiot and I can quite understand why a child of that age would be upset about it for quite a while - like an earlier poster says I can still remember specific incidents from childhood when I was shouted at unexpectedly by an adult and I can remember that horrible feeling of confusion and embarrassment and not wanting my mum to know that I had done something naughty even though I didn't really understand what it was.

However, I agree with Kidderminster Kate that this probably sounded like you were hinting. It seems to go on a lot and I find it quite irritating. You have just put your toddler in a swing and suddenly another child appears and his mother hovers nearby saying "don't worry Tarquin, the lady will give you a go in a minute" or "I'm sure the baby will be finished on the swing soon" or "we don't have long so I hope you don't have to wait much longer". If I had heard you saying "we have to go in two minutes" rather than "you don't have time to go on the swing - there is a queue and we have to go" I would probably have assumed you were being pushy, not the child.

however, I certainly wouldn't have said what he did. Probably just a "sorry but these other children are waiting too".

FlamingJamie I did say that he could have put it better - if your post was directed at me.

However I do agree that the "we are going in 2 minutes" comment was an attempt to hurry the other child up.

I see - it's possible this guy was irritated with the mum and his comments were meant for her ears as much as anything.

You don'r generally call children "pushy" - but you do mums - was that comment meant for the mum?

yes, I do think it would have been more appropriate to say "sorry, there's a queue, and we're leaving soon, so you'll need to do something else" rather than making a comment that sounds like a hint for the other child/parent to hurry up so your child can have a turn.

I'm still wondering if you were leaving in 2 minutes, how you managed to speak to him "later" about his behaviour. If you weren't leaving, then obviously the "leaving in 2 minutes" was not true and just used to hurry along the queue. If you were leaving but planning on returning, why not tell your child they could swing later. If not planning on returning, did you? Why? Just odd... And was your child with you when you confronted him?

We'll just ignore the incredibly irrelevant class-issue comments about it being in a middle class area. Good grief.

I do have to agree that if your child is still upset over it that night and the next day, it's most likely because they're picking it up from you. And the man is under no obligation to let her jump the queue, although it certainly would have been nice if he was more polite about it, although as another poster mentioned, we don't know what went on while the OP "lost" her DD (won't even go there ) as perhaps the DD was making a bit of a fuss before the OP got there.

Aye - it's a bag of worms this whole palava!