to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

But Lili, I dont believe simply having children/buggies IS a reason to expect to use facilities primarily designed for those with disabilities. Doesnt mean I am child hating or any of that nonsense but I cant abide the attitude some have where they think having kids is in some way equal to having a disability and will challenge it despite the names (pompous, dullard, troll) people level at me.

I think the 'disabled toilets for disabled people only' argument was lost when I was told I should have to piss in the sink rather than use an empty disabled toilet. I'm surprised people are still uffuffing about it after that bombshell...

But surely you can see someone using the disabled toilet when they really dont need to IS holding someone else who comes along and needs it as they can hardly see through the door who is waiting and being inconvenienced by someone else?

OP - How long did the disabled lady have to wait for you?

Good posts altinkum, what a bizarre thread!

Of course anyone can use an accessible loo, and you would be crazy not too if there is a queue elsewhere. These loos are not reserved for disabled people (the radar locks are to stop drug addicts and drunk teens mainly), just like, as another poster said, lifts and access ramps are not the exclusive preserve of disabled people - able bodied people can use the ramp or lift if they wish.

But if someone came along who was in need then common courtesy is to offer them the opportunity to jump to the front of the queue if they need it, or right of way into the lift or up the ramp etc - whether disabled, pregnant or with 4 young DCs.

altinkum "She didn't "make" someone wait, she used the facility as it was available, and then the lady needed to use the facility, it was not intentionally, and certainly no malice intended."

She made someone wait by occupying it. The facility was available for the disabled person it was intended for before OP went in. This person was not able to use it when she arrived.
"Not intentionally" is not relevant here. I presume she intended to use the facility to pee and poo, not "to make someone wait".
"No malice intended" is the only argument I buy, but it does not help the person in genuine need.

This is not to say that the disabled lady was totally unreasonable to lash out.

altinkum "disabled facilities are not just for the disabled, they are for people who need easy access"

I agree with you on this as far as "disabled" definition. Someone with bowel problems or pregnant or whatever else (not just people in wheelchairs or even "registered" disabled) of course should make use of this facilities.

However, the OP said she "decided not to wait". There are a lot of people who decide not to wait and I think they are wrong. It is wrong to form the queue in front of the disabled toilet by people who do not have anything wrong with them and it is wrong for them not to let disable to use it if they ask because "there is no law".

But bemybebe, I don't think anyone is suggesting that disabled people shouldn't be allowed to queue jump if they ask?? I'd apply the same rules to pregnant, elderly, those with children and basically anyone else in need.

But it's crazy in this day and age for resources to be underutilised. If disabled loos were only for disabled then many many businesses would have to put in extra non-disabled loos in order to meet building regs, causing more expense and red tape (planning permission etc). Far more sensible that all loos are all useable by all, and that common courtesy applies to queue jumping.

No the facility was available for all.

Once again I will try an explain it clearly for all to understand.

Disabled toilets are designed to make it easier for people with specific needs but is also for everyone to use. See the previous post about building regs which states using prams etc.

The picture of a wheel chair is just that, to indicate which toilet is bigger and has the facilities. No one can see through doors so it is needed to highlight which room is which. Not sure what picture would do this best. May be a picture of every possible person. Black, White Chinese, Asian, Male, Female, In a wheel chair, One leg, one arm. I am sure you get the picture.

Now I think what everyone here has said is that when they can use a regular loo they will, but on the odd occasion they cant or there is a que and no one using the disabled then they have every right to do that.

If by chance the disabled loo is empty and you use it, and while you are doing your business someone comes along. tough, they will have to wait like any other normal person has to do.

Are we all agreed? I bet one person wont be. Can we guess who.

ok so if you can all use disabled toilets when they are empty, why do you rant about P &T bays, surely it is the same thing, if white van man wants to park there while he nips in to buy some fags, he will only be in minuite......so as long as no one is queuing, we can all use them for quick shops.

"we dont know if the person was in NEED off the facility". That is true, so discussing it here is not appropriate.

"all I can see from this thread, is the wheelchair, so that makes her more in NEED of anybody else and the disability is the person, and that a "able bodied" person doesn't have a disability etc... honestly its pathetic arguing over it, because some of you have no clue, and all you see is a person in a wheelchair, so they clearly need it more, because they are incompetent, or some other hypothetical route of hysteria."

But this is simply not what I am saying! I am looking just at the OP post. She (OP) did not want to wait. She was wrong.

The wheelchair user was wrong to shout at her. I have not idea if she was incontinent. Shouting is wrong. (Incidentally, the wheelchair user could not go elsewhere).

MrSpoc "tough, they will have to wait like any other normal person has to do."

That is what I do not agree with. This attitude stinks. Sorry. You guessed right.

MrSpoc is at it again - even though his own Mother is disabled still constitutes other disabled people as not normal. How disrespectful ....

ScroobiousPip "But bemybebe, I don't think anyone is suggesting that disabled people shouldn't be allowed to queue jump if they ask??"

But my disabled friend was not allowed into the que (she was not in a wheelchair), but she did ask and she did say that she was disabled and could not wait. This was in Royal Albert Hall and this is a normal state of affairs wtih the disabled facility there. I thin MrSpoc was queuing there also.

This is what comes when people proclaim "they do not have the exclusive right" and "there is no law".

My god, this is still going on?! I'm actually prepared to see both points of view here. What i can't see is that anyone who disagrees with gemsy et al is automatically a selfish, overentitled piece of scum with no moral compass. Clearly, some people in a wheelchair do need priority access to the disabled loo. Others do not. As altinkum says, use of a wheelchair does not automatically define this particular need (though I accept it makes it more likely).

And I do think that having several small children constitutes fair need to use accessible facilities - a parent should not be made (as suggested earlier) either to go to the loo while carrying one child on their front and one on their back (!), or to leave their young children unattended in a public place. That does not make me overentitled - I just happen to disagree with you.

YouaretooniceNOT - how have i said that disabled people are not normal?
I said wait like other normal people. Quite clear what i meant. Are you now trying to suggest that i havel lied about my mother?

Why exactly do supermarkets have p&c parking? I have a feeling it was introduced as a marketing ploy to convince parents that this place is family-friendly.

No nothing of the sort - twist somebody elses words...you have a short memory - please say non-disabled if yopu kust refer to disabled people as not normal i think non-disabled is far less offensive...for even you. BYE!

What!! Non - disabled? What are you on about?

no twisting of your words. so make it clear what you are trying to get at.

Surely non-disabled is a double negative? Not offensive mind, just inelegant.

We discussed you calling people that are not disabled as 'normal' earlier in this thread. Find it yourself. Stop arguing with me.