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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

1004 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 06/04/2011 12:50

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

OP posts:
mitochondria · 06/04/2011 12:52

YABU.

You shouldn't have been in the disabled toilet.

FoxyRevenger · 06/04/2011 12:53

Well there's no need for someone to call you a bitch!

But...I wouldn't have used the disabled toilet in those circumstances. It doesn't seem necessary really.

cantspel · 06/04/2011 12:53

You should have waited and used the other toilet. what makes you so special that you dont need to wait your turn?

whatsallthehullaballoo · 06/04/2011 12:54

YANBU - I would have feigned a limp though on the way out Wink

Maybe do not do it again, though! It would probably be annoying to those that need the toilet urgently.

squeakytoy · 06/04/2011 12:54

YANBU. So long as you didnt leave it a mess, and she didnt have to wait long.

My stepson often had to use the disabled loos when he took his daughter out alone when she was little. He had no choice, as he could hardly take her into the ladies, and a little girl cant go into the gents toilets.

narna · 06/04/2011 12:54

YANBU

Stricnine · 06/04/2011 12:55

Why shouldn't she - it's a perfectly valid use... and the disabled lady sounded totally out of order..

Personally at a busy cinema I would have done the same as that way you can keep an eye on all the kids at once rather than juggling between stalls, which would have been impossible to manage in a queue!

I'm not aware of any law which says able people cannot use disabled toilets.

YANBU

maGicGift · 06/04/2011 12:55

YANBU you had a genuine reason to use it - I have done so myself with a little one who cant wait, she had to wait 2 mins, she should get over it.. and its not acceptable to use that language in front of children

MissVerinder · 06/04/2011 12:57

I don't think you are being unreasonable tbh, you were just unlucky to get caught out. There was no reason for her to scream after you, but maybe she had continence issues so she was extra stressed?

bubblecoral · 06/04/2011 12:58

YANBU, the woman shouting 'Bitch' was very unreasonable, very rude and completely misguided.

She has no idea that you used the disabled toilet because you had 4 under fives with you, any one of you could have had a need to specifically use the disable toilet.

Unfortunately, some people are horrible. And some people become disabled and begin to think that the world owes them a favour because of it. She sounds like she falls into both catagories.

FaultyGoods · 06/04/2011 13:01

YANBU, it's difficult managing four young children at the same time and I don't see a problem using the disabled toilet. It was empty at the time and the children were kept in one place. The disabled lady only needed to wait a minute before being able to use it, there was certainly no reason for her to call you a bitch. AFAIK, disabled toilets are meant to provide easier access (for disabled people), but that doesn't mean that able-bodied people can't use them too. It's just a toilet.

psiloveyou · 06/04/2011 13:02

YANBU.
The woman calling you a bitch was being very U.

hanaka88 · 06/04/2011 13:02

YABU using a disabled toilet, they could have waited.

But she was BVU calling you a bitch, in front of small children! Especially when she didn't know your children didn't have a disablility!

My DS has a blue badge and needs to use the disabled toilet so I can help him sit down/ change him etc etc but to look at him you wouldn't know he had any disability

babywren · 06/04/2011 13:03

no biggy, i use them if theres no where to feed my son and to many people to get my tit out, if shed of called me a bitch not quite so sure id of walked away, ive been in so many situations here ive been made to feel uncomfortable by people who may have a disability but are still an adult who can be rational you had more than one kid there and they needed the loo, how often are there lines anyway and... what on earth is the difference waiting for you to wash your hands over someone in a wheelchair ?

BumWiper · 06/04/2011 13:06

dh has to use the disabled toilet as he cant bring dd's into the mens and he cant go into the ladies.

lorelilee · 06/04/2011 13:07

YANBU - as Faulty says - a toilet is a toilet. It's daft having a disabled one sitting empty when people are queueing for others.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:08

The thing is someone not disabled using the disabled toilets can mean the difference between an able bodied person/child having an accident or the humiliation and sheer inconvenience of a wheelchair bound person having an accident.

compo · 06/04/2011 13:08

She might have called you names due to her disability - if she was mentally disabled as well Sad

Kleftico · 06/04/2011 13:08

YANBU, she would have had to wait if another disabled person was using the toilet anyway. I don't get the whole issue at all. Toilet is a toilet. I often use disabled loos if I have both my children with me. Manuvering a buggy and DC is near impossible in normal loos most of the time!

vicki2010 · 06/04/2011 13:09

I think the disabled persons behaviour was utterly discusting and unnaceptable!! 4 kids under 5!?! surely the fact that you had them all contained in one place was a good enough reason to be in there in this day and age?

What if you WERE disabled and couldn't walk very far for whatever reason then the disabled person wouldn't have known this, how dare she call you a Bitch!! I most definately would have said something in response to her, it frustrates the hell out of me when alot (not all and am not intending to offend) disabled people expect to be treated equally yet treat others very badly just because they are in a wheelchair and no im not saying its any fun being in a wheelchair but they should treat others how they wish to be treated, even if she had incontinence issue's, would she have called a fellow wheelchair user a bitch? i doubt very much.

dolldaggbuzzbuzz; yadnbu for being annoyed about her!!

millie30 · 06/04/2011 13:09

YANBU. I used to use the disabled toilet occasionally when my DS was still in his pram, simply because I couldn't fit the pram in a cubicle and didn't want to leave him unattended. She was horrid to call you a bitch.

compo · 06/04/2011 13:09

Bumwiper - I don't think anyone would mind your dh taking your dd into the mens
it's what everyone has to do

nijinsky · 06/04/2011 13:10

YANBU. This often happens at running races, when the toilets have massive queues and the disabled ones are unused. Hence people start using the disabled toilets. I was once doing so, when there was a persistent knocking on the door. I opened it to after about about 45 seconds to a disabled person (not visibly so, I am assuming this by their need to use the disabled toilet) and got a a few complaints, although swearing. I was a little put out as well, because if there had been another disabled person using the toilet, they couldn't have known that, and they might have needed to wait longer. Swearing is just rude and unncessary.

Huge public funds have improved facilities for disabled people in many areas recently, but sadly not for the rest of us who might have an urgent need to go. A little bit of understanding either way never did anyone any harm. Some people have a very entitled attitude.

worraliberty · 06/04/2011 13:10

As long as the disabled person is allowed to go to the front of the queue (if there is one) I really don't see the fuss.

And that's a good point Kleftico if there was already a disabled person in there, the rude woman would have had to wait anyway.

MrSpoc · 06/04/2011 13:12

fuck her. Alot of disabled toilets are also combined baby changes etc. there is no rule to say only disabled may use, its more a user friendly service for disabled people. And how did she know that none of the children or you had a disability? not all disabilities are obvious.

I would of done the same then had a go at the bitch for thinking she was someone special. Dont worry about it.

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