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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

1004 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 06/04/2011 12:50

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

OP posts:

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:26

Add message | Report | Message poster BristolJim Wed 06-Apr-11 13:21:31
I always use the disabled toilets. They're much nicer. They are not for the exclusive use of disabled people but an additional disabled-friendly facility for use by all.
Queueing for the toilets when there are toilets free is daft and this woman was being simply a self-centered bitch.

Good grief.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:27

Why the hell is that the fault of disabled people though MrsRyanReynolds? And how the chuff does having four children stop people using a regular loo? Can kids not wait outside? Will they be preyed on by the same paedos and child abducters that stop men taking their daughters into the male loos with them? Some very strange ideas on this thread!

Bramshott · 06/04/2011 13:28

MrsRyan - why on earth would someone with 4 children be unable to use any public toilet facilities?!

RitaMorgan · 06/04/2011 13:28

I'm afraid I used a disabled toilet in Tesco yesterday too - had two babies in a double buggy that wouldn't fit through the door of either the ladies or the baby change room. Not sure what else I could have done!

MrSpoc · 06/04/2011 13:28

Gemsy83 - You are wrong - the toilets are not for the sole use for people in wheel chairs, they are there to make it easier for disabled people but not exclusive too. the only ones I know off that are exclusive are the ones that you need the special key too.

Can I ask what is the point of leaving a barely used, empty disabled toilet and waiting in a long que of people on the other toilet? Its madness.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:28

I'd be really interested to know what toilets one would be expected to use if you had, say, a double buggy and two children walking, if you were not to use the "disabled" ones.

CointreauVersial · 06/04/2011 13:29

YANBU!

Disabled toilets are not exclusively for the use of the disabled. Obviously you'd use the regular ones if you could, but if they're full and the disabled one is empty, why shouldn't you use it?

I often used them when the DCs were small - could fit all four of us in, plus buggy.

Often the babychange is in there!

So she had to wait for a few moments......No reason to be so offensive.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:29

Thank goodness I appear not to be the only person with an ounce of empathy/common sense on here.
We clearly need to create 'becausetheyhavemorekidsthantheycancopewith' and 'whyshouldevildisabledpeoplegetalltheluck' toilets for some of the self centred people I didn't think existed in this day and age.

slightlymad72 · 06/04/2011 13:30

OP wasn't using it because she had 4 kids, she was using it because she couldn't be arsed waiting.

bemybebe · 06/04/2011 13:30

Gemsy83 - you clearly have no clue what it means to be a disabled person.

I attended a RAH performance with a friend a few weeks ago. She is not wheelchair bound, but she had a terrible car accident which left her with pelvic area problems and she has trouble with buttons. She does not look very disabled (only when walking). She also like dressing up for special occasions.

She needed to use the facilities but the ladies had a queque, so another formed in front of the disabled toilet. My friend is shy, she also doesn't have "the sense of entitlement" you are referring to, so she did not march to the front and demanded to be allowed to use it next. She just asked the lady in the end if she minds her going first, but this other lady looked my friend up and down and turned around in silence. 15mins later I thought that something was wrong and decided to look for my friend. She was in the front of the queque, almost in tears. I went in with her to help with her dress as she was so stressed out, she would have had an accident.

If we go out again, I will join my friend and I will demand the use of disabled facilities for her sake. I do not care what others think!

FaultyGoods · 06/04/2011 13:30

Gemsy83 young children often cannot wait long when needing the toilet, often they don't have the bladder/bowel control. Asking four young children to hold it in while waiting in a long queue is likely to result in at least one puddle. Nothing to do with being abducted as far as I'm concerned.

cityhobgoblin · 06/04/2011 13:30

OP ,you were in an awkward situation and did at least feel concerned about a disabled person being able to use that toilet- many fully fit people have a less responsible attitude IME .

So sorry the woman in wheelchair abused you , and in front of DC , but the stresses of her circumstances - the real alienation she felt at seeing apparently non disabled DC use it - are complex . A person can be so stressed by their physical difficulties at the time they may lash out as a one-off. (not condoning).

Many disabilities eg MS , which I have ,involve severe continence problems & huge difficulties getting undressed / using loo...and a person with disabilities is often ill as well as part of their condition /s , feeling shaky and dreadful and very short of patience.

It is of course the responsibility of everyone in public places to interact in a civil way with others , but there are factors in the way some parents of small DC behave re: ameneties / public spaces which make people with disabilities feel they have no regard for "us" & even that they're teaching their DC the same ... it is actually a very different experience to simply being barged aside by a fully fit adult.

Bramshott · 06/04/2011 13:30

Double buggies are tricky I guess, but there's nothing in the OP to suggest that any of the 4 kids were in buggies. Surely you don't take your kids into the cubicle with you once they're older than about 3 or 4 do you ?

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:30

Take the kids out the buggy? As unlike people in wheelchairs being a baby in a buggy is not a disability however much some people like to think it renders them incapable.

iggi999 · 06/04/2011 13:31

Since watching a CSI style programme where a kid was abducted while it's mum was inside a cubicle, I have had an (irrational) paranoia about doing what Gemsy is suggesting. Not so much worried about abduction but about him buggering off somewhere!
Many many accessible toilets also have baby-changing tables in them, so clearly in those cases not meant only for use by people with disabilities.
A polite request could have been made by the woman waiting, I'm afraid it's hard to have sympathy for someone swearing in front of young children.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:31

X post with RitaMorgan!

Agree with what MrSpoc said.

My local shopping centre has a High Dependency toilet which requires a special key, as well as an accessible toilet.

wineclub · 06/04/2011 13:31

YABU. There is no reason why you can't supervise 4 dcs in the regular toilets, as you were going to do before you decided you couldn't be arsed to wait in the queue. If there hadn't been a queue then you wouldn't have gone to the disabled.

She was rude, especially as she didn't know if you or the dcs were disabled, but her rudeness doesn't make you right.

at men using the disabled when they have a dd with them. DH always takes our dds into the mens, I thought that was normal, I take the dss into the ladies and I've seen lots of other mother's with ds's do the same.

If the only baby change is in disabled then that is a legitimate use and not the 'fault' of people who need to change their babies, but not wanting to wait in a queue and having dcs isn't the same.

libelulle · 06/04/2011 13:31

So kungfu what do you suggest I do if out and about with a baby in a pushchair and a bolting-prone toddler? Cause we won't fit in an ordinary cubicle, and I am hardly going to leave them unattended while I go to the loo. And how was OP supposed to manage with 4 young children? They put baby-change facilities in disabled loos for a reason.

HumanBehaviour · 06/04/2011 13:32

I have worked with disabled people for years and not one of them have been upset by an able person using the disabled toilet.

I alwas use them if there is acue to the other toilets and I can't see any disabled people waiting for the toilet. They are called disabled toilets as they are designed to suit disabled peoples needs (such as a wheelchair being able to fit into it), it doesn't mean onl disabled people can use it.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/04/2011 13:32

If family oriented places like cinemas had a couple of large toilet cubicles where you could fit a buggy or a couple of kids then you wouldn't need to consider using the disabled facilities. Like others I would not leave a baby in a buggy outside a cubicle in a public toilet if I needed the loo but quite often the cubicles are too small for buggies so I used the disabled toilets.

The woman was rude but it might be down to her disability.

bemybebe · 06/04/2011 13:32

oops Gemsy83 I think I was rude to you for no reason (well, i thought you had different views 2 pages ago). It took me that long to type. Sorry!!!!

slightlymad72 · 06/04/2011 13:32

The reason that some disabled toilets have a Radar key is that they where being abused by able bodied.

You get similar bullshit excuses when disabled parking spaces are used by the wrong people, 'I was only in the shop for 2 minutes', 'there aren't any toddler spaces left'

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:32

Wow a kid wees themself waiting for the loo- that must be so much worse than being disabled hey? Why not add insult to injury and put your able bodied children first so the person in the wheelchair wets themselves instead?

FaultyGoods · 06/04/2011 13:33

Also nothing to do with judging disabled people. As I said before, as far as I can see, it was a sensible practical solution.

MrsRyanReynolds · 06/04/2011 13:33

Gemsy, I don't think I would leave a baby in a buggy/pram, and a 2 yr old outside a toilet.....

Nice attitude.

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