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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

1004 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 06/04/2011 12:50

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 06/04/2011 13:44

compo - I don't have enough hands to take two babies out of a buggy, hold them, fold it, and change nappies/use loo.

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:44

I guess this is just an insight into the massive gulf in people's world-views. Some people take the view that inconvenience to them entitles them to inconvenience others. I take the view that inconvenience to me is my problem to deal with and that there are plenty of steps I can take to reduce that inconvenience.

QueenOfFlippingEverything · 06/04/2011 13:44

"So kungfu what do you suggest I do if out and about with a baby in a pushchair and a bolting-prone toddler? Cause we won't fit in an ordinary cubicle, and I am hardly going to leave them unattended while I go to the loo. "

Leave the baby outside the cubicle in the buggy and take the toddler in with you? It's what I do. Your kids are at more risk from being their own family than from being snatched from a public toilet whilst three foot away from you, albeit behind a door.

BumWiper · 06/04/2011 13:45

can i just point out that dh was asked to leave the mens toilets with dd's.he cannot go into the ladies.so where on earth are they meant to go?

btw its our local shopping centre,the only place he really goes with all three on his own.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:45

Use a sling- carry the child- all CHOICES you can make that someone stuck in a wheelchair cannot.

compo · 06/04/2011 13:45

Buggy and pram use toilets?!?

Christ how do you think people have coped throughout the ages!

meliesmummy · 06/04/2011 13:45

Ok, so I've folded the buggy up with one hand because the other one is holding my bag, shopping etc, and then where do I put it? And more to the point, my dd can walk but if she was still a baby where do I put her? Oh yes, my third hand. Then I'll use my fourth hand to do my business!

MarianneM · 06/04/2011 13:46

YANBU - the woman in the wheelchair was!

How ridiculous for people to say that the OP shouldn't have used the VACANT disabled toilet with four young children who would never have fitted in a normal cubicle together and who would probably struggle to wait in a long queue. Why shouldn't there be any consideration for children at all in such circumstances? And children are not some kind of lifestyle accessory Hmm! What strange attitudes from mothers!

I agree that able bodied people should not use disabled toilets but there may be circumstances in which it is necessary. I think even people with disabilities can be considerate, as the woman in the OP should have been.

bemybebe · 06/04/2011 13:46

I think it is very useful to equip all disabled facilities with Radar keys and leave it at that. Inconvenient for all concerned, but then there will be no bun-fighting.

Journey · 06/04/2011 13:46

YANBU You had four little children with you, which is easier to manage in one big toilet. Obviously she thinks being disabled equals no queues for the loos! She sounds like a nasty person.

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:46

comp - they didn't go out because there were no parent and child parking spaces, so the issue didn't arise.

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:47

Aww my heart bleeds for you it really does. On the other hand many other people in the world with two or more small children manage to go about their business without using conveniences not intended for themselves and not acting woe is me about it.

compo · 06/04/2011 13:47

Bumwiper - he should have said 'no I'm not leaving'
my dh, dad , brother have never been asked to leave the mens for having a dd with them , just because one person saud that to him doesn't mean he has to obey them Hmm

leanmeancoffeebean · 06/04/2011 13:47

YABU to have used the disabled loos, in my opinion. It's difficult having 4 kids, but it's sure as hell more difficult having a disability. Some people with disabilities physically cannot wait to to use loo (this can be down to a physical problem or a condition like autism) and therefore if four children are ahead of them, that's extremely unfair to them. If a disabled person were ahead of them, then that's unfortunate but obviously completely acceptable as they would have equal rights to be using the loo. Your children do not.

That said, the woman didn't need to shout and swear at you. Perhaps a quiet word about how the disabled loos should be reserved for the disabled, at which point, if your children had had a disability you could have pointed it out. And as they don't, it might have given you pause for thought rather than igniting your anger.

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:47

comp, even

altinkum · 06/04/2011 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theborrower · 06/04/2011 13:47

I used to work in a bar in a theatre. At interval time, a huge queue of ladies would form to use the disabled toilet, and completely ignored me when I told them that it was only for people who couldn't use the stairs. One time, a lady went in and her friend waited outside (only two people there at the time, so presumably thought "There's no one waiting, it doesn't matter") but then an elderly man with crutches came along, and because he was unsteady on his feet and couldn't stand for any length of time, he promptly fell over. When the lady came out, her friend told her what happened and they appeared mortified. After that, when people said to me "But there's no one waiting", I told them that story. It doesn't matter if no-one is waiting, the whole point is that someone may be along in a minute that needs it. Applies to parking spaces too!

You were being unreasonable in using the disabled toilet when you didn't have to. But of course she was being very unreasonable in her response. But as someone else said, she may have had an accident and felt upset at this.
Don't do it again :)

TandB · 06/04/2011 13:48

compo! compo! bloody corrective spelling

compo · 06/04/2011 13:48

Pmsl at kungfupanda

god my dad used to take four kids on holiday every year

no disabled loos

we somehow managed Hmm

QueenOfFlippingEverything · 06/04/2011 13:48

Marrianne for all we know she could have had continence issues and wet herself by the time OP and her multiple children had finished taking it in turns to do a wee and wash their hands.

And yes, shouting BITCH was rude. But you know, maybe it gets a little irritating being made to wait for those wo have no need to use a facility that is essential for your comfort and dignity?

lili2010 · 06/04/2011 13:48

The cubicle was empty when the OP arrived, she was really quick, she barely kept the other lady waiting. It was a practical solution, maybe not ideal, but not really the greatest crime against humanity in the scheme of things. Some of you are reacting as if the OP was responsible for putting the lady in the wheelchair in the first place.

bemybebe · 06/04/2011 13:48

"can i just point out that dh was asked to leave the mens toilets with dd's."

Sorry, but that is highly unlikely. Even if it was, do you and your dh always do what other people tell you?

MrSpoc · 06/04/2011 13:49

Can i use a disabled toilet then. I have a very week bladder and when i have to go, well I have to go. this is more related to the toiltes than someone who is in a wheel chair but their bowls still work.

Also gemsy - Do you have kids?

Gemsy83 · 06/04/2011 13:49

Marriane- do children just 'happen' then- with no element of choice? Is it everyone elses problem people decide to have kids? Should that choice infringe on everyone elses convenience/rights? Like I said- massive sense of entitlement from some.

pamelat · 06/04/2011 13:50

I use the disabled toilet reguarly when with my DD (aged 3) and DS (10 months). I am not leaving them to wait outside in the main toilets and if I take DS out of his pushcahir he crawls around the (often dirty) toilet floors. In the disabled toilet I can leave him in s buggy.

I honestly do not think this is unreasonable.

She sounds like she over reacted a little.

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