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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this should not be logged as a 'racist incident'?

160 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 18:54

I'll try to give all the facts here so that it doesn't come out in drips but I'd appreciate any good quality advice how to handle this too.

My ds deliberately went up to a black girl at school and said 'chocolate face'.

My ds has ASD.

We have worked extremely hard with ds and the attributes of his ASD that affect him most are not behavioural, but social communication, reading emotions and facial expressions.

We have spent a couple of weeks getting ds to concentrate on people's faces and talk about the differences in them and how they are different.

We have been also working on the theme of 'looks like' or 'same as' i.e. yellow pen looks like a banana. Hand looks like a foot etc etc.

The school say they have to log the incident as a 'racial' incident, but my ds has no idea about races, and there was no racial intent, although I do not dispute that he meant what he said, or at the very least that the little girl had a face 'like' or 'same as' chocolate.

I am gutted to the core that my ds has his name in this 'log' and am really desperate for advice on what to do about it.

I do not for one second dispute that the teacher has to be seen to be doing the right thing, given that the girl in question may have told her parents of the incident, but surely this is a bit much.

I would also appreciate any guidance on what a school is likely to 'do' with such a log and what effect it might have on my ds.

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 05/04/2011 18:56

Starlight .
I agree with you.

But I really wish this wasn't in aibu.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2011 18:56

Fairly sure the log will be more about how the school responds and monitoring that.

maddy68 · 05/04/2011 18:57

They HAVE to log it as a racist incident. they wont do anything with it unless it is a persistant problem.

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 18:58

Unfortunately the incident is racial, even if he did not mean it in a nasty way, if she was white he would not have called her that.

Sorry they are doing the right thing.

chickchickchicken · 05/04/2011 19:01

i agree with you. he was making a factual statement and not an observation of her race.
i am astounded that this has been logged. why dont you post in SN for some more specific advice?

BeerTricksPotter · 05/04/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:01

He may well have said milk face to an especially pale child.

I don't condone name calling of any kind. But ds wasn't name calling. He was observing. This doesn't mean that the girl's feelings should be dismissed (if indeed a 3yr old can even realise that it was name calling), but racist is like the worst thing ever to me. I grew up in East London FFS.

(sorry - didn't mean to drip feed, but they are nursery age).

OP posts:
pigletmania · 05/04/2011 19:02

It is Sad, my dd has social communication, and speech and lang delay (no formal dx as yet for ASD), and i am dreading her doing something like that. The school should have more leeway for children with SN as their behaviour cannot be helped, and that he did not mean it in a racial way.

chickchickchicken · 05/04/2011 19:03

sorry meant to say factual statement as he saw it

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:03

Beertricks, - thanks, that is a good idea. I'll ask the teacher for a copy of what exactly was in the log first and then write a response.

I bet them kids don't have disability discrimination incidents logged in their name when they call my ds naughty because he doesn't 'hear' the teacher, or say things like 'come over here everyone, lets stay away from ds'.

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:05

Interestingly, the girl that we have come in to work with ds, and who has been working on the face stuff - is black.

She was just as devestated as me. I could perhaps ask her to write something.

In actual fact she couldn't stop laughing at first as she is only 19, went to that same school and said that the TEACHERS called HER worse than that.

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 05/04/2011 19:06

This is ludicrous. He's three ffs. Whether or not he has ASD it is quite ridiculous to log this as a racist incident.

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 19:07

Sorry just seen your child is 3, then I would say no it shouldn't be logged as a racist incident. He is still a baby for god sake.

chickchickchicken · 05/04/2011 19:07

ive spent almost 20yrs working with children and young people, mostly with ASD and this is the first time i have heard anything like this. i am Shock that they are only 3 as well
i would make an official complaint and ask for it to be removed from the log. if not i would seek legal advice. it is totally unacceptable that your son will have this recorded officially as a racial incident

pigletmania · 05/04/2011 19:07

I know starlight, bet they would not do that in terms of disability, or is your ds said milk face to a freckly pale child.

manicinsomniac · 05/04/2011 19:07

Do the school know that you have been working on getting him notice difference in faces etc? It seems astoundingly insensitive to log it against him like that.

Unless I suppose, if the girl's family are very upset and angry and insisted that it was logged. Though, if the situation was explained to them, I don't see how they could be upset.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:08

He's just 4. She is 3.

OP posts:
K999 · 05/04/2011 19:09

No. It's not racist. How can it be? What nursery age child even understands the concept? World gone mad.....

pigletmania · 05/04/2011 19:09

Its disgusting, unfortunately its part of the government PC thingy to log things that even 2-3 year olds say Sad, so they might say something that they dont understand or know is wrong when there are little more than babies and it follows them round through their life Sad SN or not your ds is only 3, this could have been said by any 3 year old, they dont always understand what they say or the meaning behind things.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:10

The thing is, because he was 'told off' for it and a big deal was made, at gymnastics later he thought it was funny to say 'chocolate face' to all the children in his gymnastics class.

None of them are black.

OP posts:
chickchickchicken · 05/04/2011 19:11

OP - i usually say to tread gently with school/nursery as you want them to work with you not against you but i really do think in this case you need to go in firmly

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:11

Pag I think the reason I posted in AIBU is because I'm cruising for a fight. I am so upset by this!

No-one's fighting me though, so far. I think I'm relieved actually.

OP posts:
K999 · 05/04/2011 19:14

These kind of stories really make my blood boil! I would complain to the nursery school....

chickchickchicken · 05/04/2011 19:16

my ds has ASD and he will repeat phrases that stick in his mind for whatever reason. this could be a good or bad reason but if it sticks in his mind it is very hard to stop. we had intensive speech and lang and then we only found as he reached secondary age he was able to see how inappropriate some of his sayings were .
do they need educating on how to teach/interact/punish children with ASD?

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 19:18

chick, that's a whole other story. The school have been advised by the LA not to listen to any of my ideas or suggestions.

OP posts: