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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this should not be logged as a 'racist incident'?

160 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 18:54

I'll try to give all the facts here so that it doesn't come out in drips but I'd appreciate any good quality advice how to handle this too.

My ds deliberately went up to a black girl at school and said 'chocolate face'.

My ds has ASD.

We have worked extremely hard with ds and the attributes of his ASD that affect him most are not behavioural, but social communication, reading emotions and facial expressions.

We have spent a couple of weeks getting ds to concentrate on people's faces and talk about the differences in them and how they are different.

We have been also working on the theme of 'looks like' or 'same as' i.e. yellow pen looks like a banana. Hand looks like a foot etc etc.

The school say they have to log the incident as a 'racial' incident, but my ds has no idea about races, and there was no racial intent, although I do not dispute that he meant what he said, or at the very least that the little girl had a face 'like' or 'same as' chocolate.

I am gutted to the core that my ds has his name in this 'log' and am really desperate for advice on what to do about it.

I do not for one second dispute that the teacher has to be seen to be doing the right thing, given that the girl in question may have told her parents of the incident, but surely this is a bit much.

I would also appreciate any guidance on what a school is likely to 'do' with such a log and what effect it might have on my ds.

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:
lifechanger · 05/04/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolarPanel · 05/04/2011 20:44

YANBU. There's nothing wrong with metaphors and comparing a skin colour to something of similar colour. No-one would complain about poetry on the syllabus, where someone's green eyes are compared to something green, or aubourn hair to flames. I wonder if policies even take this into account, or just pounces on any mention of colouring, regardless of context? Obviously racism is unacceptable but it's ridiculous to suggest that you can't even mention what colour hair/skin/eyes someone has.

Rhinestone · 05/04/2011 20:55

Utterly ridiculous. Can you launch a counter complaint on the grounds of disability discrimination?

Whatever17 · 05/04/2011 20:59

FGS - he is 3, this is not racist (sp?) it is, to him, observational. If he had seen a fat, white, child he would have said "fat, pink face". And he has ASD. My son has APD (akin to ASD) you have a long road ahead of you with him saying inappropriate things that may cause offence.

I think you should go on the offensive with the school and don't apologise for his "rascist" comments.

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/04/2011 21:01

Possibly Rhinestone but I have to pick my battles, and you can be sure, I have battles enough.

Interestingly my DH couldn't care less. He is angry that my ds said what he said and suggested that if they had paid any attention to us and what we were doing with ds and supported us in our work, or even took an interest then the incident probably wouldn't have even ocurred, and given that it has then quite frankly it is their problem and no we won't be 'dealing with it' at home because it didn't take place at home.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:03

They have to log it. How they deal with it is another matter, but they have to log it.

Rhinestone · 05/04/2011 21:06

Apart from anything else, do we not have freedom of speech anymore?

If it's entirely within your son's outlook, vocabulary and form of expression to INNOCENTLY (as he is after all, 3) call someone 'chocolate face' then shouldn't he be allowed to do so?

TurkeyBurgerThing · 05/04/2011 21:11

Good god, he is just 4?! That is beyond stupid. Children of 4 don't understand race, even if he has ASD or not. How utterly ridiculous!

He's at an age where he will be aware that people LOOK different and some have different colour of skin and will want to know why. All children do! It hardly means he's going to start goose stepping around the school and drawing swastikas everywhere. Poor you and poor DS!

Bloody ridiculous of the school in my opinion. YADNBU to be hugely pissed off.

K999 · 05/04/2011 21:12

The fact that they have to log it at nursery age is completely stupid.....

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:24

No. We don't have freedom of speech in these matters. Of course not.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:24

It isn't ridiculous of the school, because it is not at their discretion.

Rhinestone · 05/04/2011 21:33

FallenMadonna - he is 4 FFS, practising a way of speaking that his parents have taught him, in line with what is recommended for his disability.

I say again, he is 4 and meant this entirely innocently. He's hardly a card-carrying white supremacist attempting to incite racial hatred.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:37

And I'll say again that it isn't about the intention. It's about the experience of the children at the school, particularly those on the receiving end of comments that are perceived to be racist. Children can make racist comments. They might not understand them, but the fact that they are making them is significant in the school environment. Even an innocuously meant comment like that of the OP's son might be preceived quite differently by a child with a different set of experiences and influences. It is not necessarily a judgement on the OP's son. How the school records the information about the incident, and how they choose to deal with it, are separate to the requirement to log it.

smallwhitecat · 05/04/2011 21:43

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TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:44

Sorry OP. I understand why this is stressful. I just wanted to point out that the logging of the incident is not a judgement on your son, and it is how they deal with it that is really important (that is at their discretion). I get the feeling that your relationship with the school is strained, so I can compeltely see why you would mistrust their intentions here.

Rhinestone · 05/04/2011 21:46

I am continually surprised at how 'racism' (even when it isn't) is the crime of all crimes but being disablist is perfectly ok. Some animals are more equal than others eh? Hmm

smallwhitecat · 05/04/2011 21:49

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TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:50

At no point have I suggested that Starlight's son intended to make a hurtful comment. Nor that he is racist. In fact I have said the opposite. And I have tried to point out that this is not about the individual, but about the school.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:51

It is logged as a racist incident at the school. The school is being logged if you like.

smallwhitecat · 05/04/2011 21:53

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K999 · 05/04/2011 21:53

But surely the school is under the control of the LA? Therefore whatever they set down as having to be logged is down to them....I would JR them....but I like a bit of litigation...Grin

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:58

I'm saying that it is possible to respond compassionately to a child with a disability and log this as a racist incident. In fact, I'm repeating myself.

It is not discretionary. This is what the school is required to do. How it is dealt with in school is discretionary.

smallwhitecat · 05/04/2011 22:00

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Message withdrawn

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 22:00

The message in the home school book for example, would be discretionary. And a pretty poor response IMO. That is what is poor practice.

kateyjane · 05/04/2011 22:03

"The school have been advised by the LA not to listen to any of my ideas or suggestions."

Surely they're not allowed to do this??

Really feel for you, any 4 year old might describe skin as chocolate coloured, it's not racist.It's describing differences in terms that a 4 year old might understand. - it does not need to be logged as a racist incident.

Hope you have lots of support starlight,