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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not bother with Thank You cards?

169 replies

whethergirl · 04/04/2011 17:39

DS had a small 6th birthday party at home over the weekend. Would I be considered to be rude/impolite if I don't do the Thank You cards? I find them a bit pointless and superficial to be honest.

DS already thanked every person for the present and for coming, as did I with the mums. I said something personal about each present to the mums ie. He's always wanted one of those. Party bags went out. So I feel, everyone has been thanked.

After the party, I went through the presents with DS and I said something personal about each one and how thoughtful the present giver was, to show him how good it is to appreciate.

Mums thanked, check.
Children thanked, check.
DS grateful, check.

So why the Thank You cards? I find them a bit OTT tbh.

OP posts:
WannabeaShootingStar · 06/04/2011 19:26

I think they are a waste of precious trees....

I send them to MIL and her friends or she keeps 'reminding' me!!

YouaretooniceNOT · 06/04/2011 19:30

Depends pn the situation. If you have been given a present or help then a thank you card aswell as a thank you in person is a very heart warming gesture.

jugglingjo · 06/04/2011 20:15

Although we've often sent a thank-you note ( similar to the invitation, with suitable photo on, ideally of all at party having a nice time together ) some times we haven't got round to it. So, this thread is making me feel better that most people won't have noticed the odd lapse. Do try to say thank you in person too, and remember what each person has given, but not easy as I have a shocking memory Grin

I do think life's too short to go round taking umbrage or saying it's rude not to send a note. Also not everyone's the same, or has the same resources.
Perhaps they just collapsed in a heap after entertaining your child for the afternoon ! Wink

PercyPigPie · 06/04/2011 20:18

We do them. I hate nagging the children to do them, but we do them. 'Tis rude not to. We either use child's writing paper, or last year I managed to do a kind of watermark of a picture of the party on a piece of A4 and we used those. No need for expensive Halmark cards.

jugglingjo · 06/04/2011 20:24

Also agree that the older generation generally require a "thank-you" note.

I'd honestly think all our brothers and sisters (aunties and uncles) are more than happy with a friendly phone call, and to be let off the "thank you" hook themselves.

Grandparents only is the rule in our family - Oh, and as I said, a post party note with a party photo to those who came if we're feeling organised !

wilbur · 06/04/2011 20:26

I'm another thank-yous-no-matter-what person. I just think that if someone has taken the time to get a present for you and wrap it then you should take the 5 mins to put pen to paper to acknowledge that. My children are hugely loved and have uncles (LOADS of uncles), aunts and god parents who all care about them and give them gifts. A thank you letter may be a hassle, but it's a way of making sure nothing is taken for granted. I don't sit around waiting for thank yous to the presents I get for other kids though, I realise some poeple have other priorities.

As I grew up in Surrey, where thanking people is practically a religion, can I share my favourite joke?

Q: Why don't Surrey girls go to orgies?
A: Too many thank you letters to write.

hahahahaha.

jugglingjo · 06/04/2011 20:31

Very funny, wilbur, and a nice sense of perspective Wink

HSMM · 06/04/2011 20:33

We have never opened presents at the party, so thank you notes went out afterwards. If we open a present in front of someone, then DD says thank you and does not need to write.

When she was little, I wrote the note and she scribbled on it.
She moved onto - Thank you - and her name
Now she writes a little short note as she opens each present (age 11) and it takes her no time at all.

HSMM · 06/04/2011 20:34

Oh! and of course ... 11 yr olds are also capable of emailing a thank you (and assorted other technical things)

OrganisedMayhem · 07/04/2011 10:08

We always do thank you cards after birthdays or Christmas.

I tell my DD (4) that if she doesn't write the thank you she won't get any more presents Blush. I feel really mean saying that, but she understands that she has to say thank you.

However..... I always make the thank you cards a fun craft activity that she enjoys - painting, colouring, stickers, hand printing, writing her name, so that it is fun. Even my 21 month old joins in too. We often put a recent picture in the older relatives card too which she helps choose!

I would be ashamed to face some of my family and friends if I did not do it..... Especially as most of the parents I know do it too. A lot of them are in Surrey though which follows Wilbur's post!

The older generation love thank yous as they really appreciate it, but my 4 year old loves getting her thank you cards from her friends and enjoys putting them on display in her room.

I feel a bit old fashioned, but I think if someone makes the effort to come to a party / buy a present the least you can do is send a little card. I know thank yous are not done as much as they used to, but I know older relatives who grumble when they don't get one as they are not sure if the gift has arrived etc.....

CakeandRoses · 07/04/2011 11:31

OP - you've/your ds have already shown gratitude and thanks in person so thank you cards aren't necessary.

I agree with the 'tokenism' nature of thank you cards in this situation.

We always do a photo/drawing/note combo for all presents for the DCs but they're not yet old enough for the big parties with 30 anonymous school 'friends'.

The funny thing is that dh's family don't do thank you cards but MIL has now taken to moaning if she gets one from us but DH's uncle (for instance) doesnt (erm, well he sent a card not a present...)

I admit I get a tiny bit huffy that SILs never send thank you cards for presents for their children but on reading this thread I've realised that perhaps it's a class thing rather than being impolite.

fastedwina · 07/04/2011 11:48

if it really makes you huffy then just don't send any presents. You'll feel less huffy and the receiver probably doesn't want a grudged, huffy present anyway - result all round.

Scholes34 · 07/04/2011 11:52

I like to receive a thank you card and therefore my children send thank you cards. It's a good habit for them to get into, especially as when they're a little older you'll no longer see the parents at or after the party to be able to thank them in person.

CherryPie3 · 07/04/2011 12:05

I personally hate thank you cards for kids parties (more for weddings, I sent them for my wedding as didn't grt chance to see everyone at the reception).. They rarely come from the child and are not personalised or anything.

I like to actually see the manners of a child, when they say thank you without being prompted.

In my experience the child usually knows nothing of them, it's something their mum has whipped up on the computer along the lines of Thank you for coming to my party, I had a really great time.

They are meaningless, it shows nothing of the childs manners at all.

CherryPie3 · 07/04/2011 12:07

extra ^'s for some reason Confused

Jojocat · 07/04/2011 12:17

We always do thank you cards. I think it would be rude not to unless you have opened the present in front of the person and thanked them at the time.

Apart from being polite to send a thank you note it helps your children improve their writing skills - handwriting, spelling etc

CakeandRoses · 07/04/2011 13:21

Ah but then fast I'd lose the opportunity to feel slightly huffy - one of life's great pleasures I think ;-)

And anyway the present isn't begrudged, just the lack of any thanks or appreciation afterwards (cards or otherwise, we don't live near them so face to face thanks aren't possible). Tis nice to know if you managed to choose the right present for a child.

candleshoe · 07/04/2011 13:34

Unless you have opened the present in front of donor and thanked them personally I would always do thank you cards.

candleshoe · 07/04/2011 13:35

P.S. My children do one and we photocopy it though otherwise it is too big a task for a LO!

Butterbur · 07/04/2011 15:51

Thank you cards are stupid women's make-work, along with scrubbing your front step every day.

Why on earth do we judge who is the better woman based on this shit? Do men ever send thank you cards? I think not. They've got more sense.

Just say thank you. It's enough. And save a tree - breath's greener than paper.

whomovedmychocolate · 07/04/2011 15:56

I always send them but then I'm a middle class white woman Wink

whomovedmychocolate · 07/04/2011 15:57

and mine are recycled butterbur!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/04/2011 16:00

I bet you don't even iron your children's knickers, butterbur. You are a disgrace to womankind.

Wink
mumonahottinroof · 07/04/2011 16:03

Open present in front of donor and thank - nothing more needed

Presents opened later. Thank you card needed.

Children especially receive far too many presents and should not take them for granted but be expected to do something in return for them.

Butterbur · 07/04/2011 16:28

Am proud to be a disgrace to womankind Wink