to not bother with Thank You cards?

[whethergirl]

DS had a small 6th birthday party at home over the weekend. Would I be considered to be rude/impolite if I don't do the Thank You cards? I find them a bit pointless and superficial to be honest.

DS already thanked every person for the present and for coming, as did I with the mums. I said something personal about each present to the mums ie. He's always wanted one of those. Party bags went out. So I feel, everyone has been thanked.

After the party, I went through the presents with DS and I said something personal about each one and how thoughtful the present giver was, to show him how good it is to appreciate.

Mums thanked, check.
Children thanked, check.
DS grateful, check.

So why the Thank You cards? I find them a bit OTT tbh.

I say thanks on the day (for coming to the party, for the - still wrapped - gift). Things sent by post get a thank you card though, because DS is still only five, it comes from me not him. I think it would be very rude not to acknowledge a gift, but I don't see the absolute need for a card if you've seen and thanked people on the day.

So when DS is bigger, will he write thank you cards. I understand the sheer boredom of thank you cars to his friends (who don't care) from him (who doesn't care) but surely it's about teaching him now about how things work. And yes, you might address it to the child, but really, it's a tahnk you to the parent who bought the gift, wrapped the gift, took time out of her/his day to attend the event etc.

Thank you cards don't have to involve 3 pages of writing. Buy small ones, use a stamp and say a simple thank you. You'll be teaching your DC helpful lessons they will benefit from in the long term.

agree with that

I am a big stickler for thank you letters, (because I like some acknowledgement of the time and thought that has gone in to getting presents!), but even I would say that a verbal thank you is enough.

My dds always write thank you letters to those they've been unable to thank verbally, e.g. at a party if the presents have been saved for when home, or relatives who live far away, but if they've been able to thank verbally at the time of opening I think that's enough.

My mum always made me write thank you letters to family I couldn't thank face to face but not friends. I think that's because back on the old days we always seemed to have smaller parties where presents were opened in the company of our friends.

why don't people get it that some folk have never done the thank you card thing, expect them or think anything of them. You might do some things that to other people are incredibly rude, a bit of tolerance and the understanding that not everyone agrees with you or sees it as necessary, or was raised to do things the exact way you were. Hallmark must love you folks.

As long as the giver is thanked it doesn't matter if it is a written, phoned or face to face thank you.

We don't just do it for the sake of it, I think it's a good habit to instil. I've rarely had a thank you in any form (card/letter/text/phone/face-to-face) from my four nieces, and that's over 20-odd years of birthdays, Christmases and Easters. I actually think they are embarrassed to say thank you, even now they are teenage and older.

From the day DS was born we've been diligent in thanking people for DS's presents and we'll make sure he keeps it up.

And Hallmark don't make anything from us, we print photos of DS and write on the back of them.

Thank you cards are good manners imo.

re OP- sounds like you have it covered. Its pesronal choice I think.

Had the situation been that you just had pile of presents left on table and you didnt see who left what, then cards are in order once opened.

However, IMO- Its good if it teaches manners. I always wrote them out of choice as a child. Still do now, and now I do for my DD and will til she can do it herself.

My half sister and brother never had to write thank yous. So they didnt learn the manners. They never said thanks to anything not even upon opening gift in front of me. No card/text/email either. No manners at all there- even as adults.

I think they're really daft, unless the child has written it themselves and the sentiment is their own. DD is nearly three and has received countless thank you cards, written by the mum with a meaningless scrawl possibly from the child.

Saying "Thank you" at the party is good manners. Sending a card afterwards, especially with the word "Thankyou" (ugh, ugh, ugh!!!) inside is pointless and silly.

I have alwasy given out thank you cards, either written by me, or now my DD is older she does her own. It is just the way I was brought up and it seems polite.

I think everyone whose party my girls have been to have done thank you cards too.

The girls always say thank you when they leave the party too and if it is their party they will say thank you for coming as their friends leave.

why don't people get it that some folk have never done the thank you card thing, expect them or think anything of them. You might do some things that to other people are incredibly rude, a bit of tolerance and the understanding that not everyone agrees with you or sees it as necessary, or was raised to do things the exact way you were. Hallmark must love you folks

Rubbish fastedwina, some things are just common courtesy and writing a thank you note is one of them. As is saying please and thank you, holding doors open for people, good table manners and many other things.

I don't think thank you cards are a common courtesy though. They are necessary only in certain given circumstances IMO.

This is like shoes on/shoes off - everyone has their own opinion and is equally certain they are correct.

I think the OP sounds like she has great manners and is enouraging her DC to have them too.

Saying thank you sincerely is good manners.

Dancergirl - for all you know I could be much more polite and and sincere than you in everyday life (and of course perhaps not but perhaps more tolerant in general of people and less judgmental) but alas, I don't send thank you cards so that obviously means you are more polite and superior. I doff my cap to you.

A verbal thank you is expected, but I would still write small thank you cards. I think it's good manners.

There were only 10 friends at his party and although I hadn't planned on ds opening his presents during the party, I walked into the living room (wondering why the bouncy castle in the garden was empty) and there he was, being egged on by his friends to open their presents.

I spoke to some of the mums about it myself and it's interesting to note that the non British mums (Isralie, Russian, Persian) found Thank You cards quite odd actually! As I said, it's unheard of in my family (Turkish background) and it's actually considered embarassing to be thanked more than once.

It is strange how some of the Thank You card mums on here presume that sending Thank You cards is a measure of how good one's mannners are! Following certain etiquette does not make you a polite person. I have seen many a rude/judgy/impolite person hide beneath "polite" gestures.

Maybe it's because I never wrote them as a child that I find it odd. But somehow or another, even though I never sent a single Thank You card, I have still managed to turn out to be a polite person with decent manners.

whethergirl - no you are not nice and polite unfortunately as you do not send thank you cards, how VERY DARE you! . When i give a present I respect nothing in return - a thankyou is nice whether it be verbal, text or whatever I don't go home and silently fume or judge that person on how acceptable to me their 'thank you' is.

If you thanked them on the day I think that is fine but i am shocked when people do not say thanks for money/gifts you send somehow.It is just such bad manners-but it s the way i was brought up. My husband never wrote a thank you card in all his childhood( Irish too Bluefergie so it could be cultural)-I cannot help but have a judgement somehow- parents should teach their kids to have manners and saying thank you is apart of that.

I don't do them either. My children have good manners and always say thank you when they are given something. If something arrives from overseas they will phone the giver and say thanks. I expect someone to say thank you if I give them something, I don't need any more pieces of cardboard for my recycling bin.

Thank you cards are one of those strange made up social conventions that English people use to feel that they have "better manners" than the rest of the world

so even if it is 'cultural' - you would judge someone for not quite doing it your way. Reminds me of some kind of Little Britain sketch - bit like the nice white middle class lady who barfs every time she sees a black 'non british' person.

fastedwina I'm the same, I really really don't expect anything in return and it doesn't bother me at all.

What a silly thing to judge someone one. So if you knew someone who was polite, well mannered, kind and personable, would you judge them or have 2nd thoughts on your assesment of them because they didn't send a thank you card?!

DS commented on how the neighbour popped by with a present, even though their toddler was too ill to come to the party, and noticed that since I only told them about it the day before, they probably rushed out to get him a present - he was genuinely touched by that. Now THAT, is genuine appreciation which is what I am keen to instill in ds. There are many ways to teach a child manners.

DS has been handwriting thank you notes for the past 2 yrs - I recycle the birthday card and he writes a quick thank you on the back of the front half of the card to his friends. Job done - saves time/money/the planet :o

Hallmark must love you folks

Oh I don't buy them, I do them on the computer, print them out with a little photo or something or my older DD just writes a note.

I certainly wouldn't judge anyone on whether they send a card or not but everyone I know does it anyway so I hadn't really thought that people didn't.

Whethergirl - my children are half Turkish and my husband had never heard of thank you cards either, they don't even send birthday cards where he comes from!

We do thank you letters, because I was brought up to, and because I think it is good for the DC to think about and acknowledge the thought and effort people have put into giving them presents, but under the circumstances of the OP (party, where presents were opened and people thanked there and then) I would say it was definitely optional.

Because we don't tend to open presents at the party (again, a purely personal choice), I think it is important that the DC send notes - otherwise the presents effectively go unacknowledged. That is far from being the case in the OP.

Just what the world needs - a bunch more stuff for the recycling!

I do thank everyone of course, either personally, and/or by text or by email, but posting TY cards for a kiddies birthday pressie is just generating useless rubbish the world would be better off without IMO unless it was for something VERY special.