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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not bother with Thank You cards?

169 replies

whethergirl · 04/04/2011 17:39

DS had a small 6th birthday party at home over the weekend. Would I be considered to be rude/impolite if I don't do the Thank You cards? I find them a bit pointless and superficial to be honest.

DS already thanked every person for the present and for coming, as did I with the mums. I said something personal about each present to the mums ie. He's always wanted one of those. Party bags went out. So I feel, everyone has been thanked.

After the party, I went through the presents with DS and I said something personal about each one and how thoughtful the present giver was, to show him how good it is to appreciate.

Mums thanked, check.
Children thanked, check.
DS grateful, check.

So why the Thank You cards? I find them a bit OTT tbh.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/04/2011 18:58

We always do them, even in the circumstances you have given. I think it gets children into good habits. Good handwriting and letter-writing practice too!

goodbyemrschips · 04/04/2011 18:59

Don't know.....................I just think it is.

GrumpyFish · 04/04/2011 19:04

There is absolutely no need for a thank you card for a present which has been opened at the party and for which the present giver has been thanked. Thank you cards are only necessary if you didn't get a chance to personally say thank you or, IMO, if you didn't actually open the present until later.

vintageteacups · 04/04/2011 19:13

Unless someone thanked me personally at the time, yes I would be annoyed and think it rude if someone didn't thank me for the gift I sent.

I was brought up to thank someone if they went to the trouble of giving me a gift and so I carry on.

At DS' last 6th b'day, we went to a wildlife park. I took some pics whilst there and once we were home, I printed out the picture with a little personal thank you typed on and popped them into each child's party bag.

That's a bit too organised than usual but normally, I'd get dcs to write and hand out thank you's at school the next day.

Original poster
whethergirl · 04/04/2011 20:23

Both sides of the arguement here, but I'm afraid I still think it's old fashioned and unnecessary so it would be even more pointless to send one. I guess it's a cultural thing too. With my cultural background, (I'm English and born here but Turkish family) we do of course express thanks, but the present giving people just tend to brush the thank-you's away, it's almost seen as embarassing to be thanked.

Maybe thank you cards had their day, but now with telephones/emails/facebook etc it's a bit out dated. Also, there's something about Thank you cards that make me feel it's too proceedure-ish.

I'm all up for bringing dc up with manners, but don't feel thank you cards are a good way of getting kids into good habits - how many of us actually send thank you cards ourselves when we've received a birthday present or to guests at our birthday celebration?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 04/04/2011 22:08

I send thank you texts Grin

Original poster
whethergirl · 04/04/2011 22:13

usualsuspect, does it go something like "Thanx 4 cuming 2 de par-T & 4 de luvley pressie. C U soon x"

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 04/04/2011 22:16

It's fine as as long as they are thanked once at some point - be it in person, text, email or card.

meditrina · 04/04/2011 22:18

I do not let my DCs open presents during a party (far too chaotic!)' so of course he cannot thank the donor, even if they're there, as the presents remain unopened and the child wouldn't know what to thank for.

I think "thank you cards" are a waste of money, so DCs just write on any suitable writing paper.

I am amazed (and somewhat awed) by those of you who can cope with opening pressure during the party itself!!

usualsuspect · 04/04/2011 22:24

whethergirl ..yeh coz itz a gr8 way 2 fank sum1 innit

AimingForSerenity · 04/04/2011 22:50

I think it is important to have manners and acknowledge a gift but I don't think a card is always necessary. As our DCs got older they would sometimes text or email or we would pass on their thanks for them. We had no end of hassle over this from MIL who seems to think that everyone should send a formal thank you card to her side of the family within 24hours (or ideally sooner!). Eventually we said politely but firmly that DCs (now grown up) always appreciate gifts and acknowledge them verbally or by computer but if anyone is giving them gifts for the sole purpose of receiving a written thank you then maybe they should rethink.

fastedwina · 04/04/2011 23:31

god, not this a gain, it's only a few months since the last 90 page thank you letter thread.

MadamDeathstare · 04/04/2011 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastedwina · 04/04/2011 23:37

of course but it's the judging and one upmanship that makes me want to barf - and all from the parents, most of the kids couldn't give two hoots!

hmc · 04/04/2011 23:43

Thank you cards are obligatory at our school. I do fail on that score (little bit of rebellion - don't see the need, mixed with a modicum of disorganisation) but hope the other parents think I've sent them a card via little Johnny's book bag and he has simply mislaid it Blush

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 07:50

but I'm afraid I still think it's old fashioned and unnecessary so it would be even more pointless to send one.

This is the trouble with this country today [to some people] anything polite is consider old fashioned and therefore unnecessary.

jenniferturkington · 05/04/2011 08:09

YANBU. I think if they are at your party and your dc opens the present there and then, a thankyou in person is perfectly polite. I think people who expect a thankyou note for each present they give are perhaps giving for the wrong reasons.
If my DCs receive a gift through the post, I try to ensure they send a note to say thanks. Although with very young DCs I think the parents sending a text or email if just fine tbh.

onceamai · 05/04/2011 08:10

Thank you cards for 30 6 years olds after a party which has been hosted paid for and catered for and has taken a day of adult organising - no, especially when most parents bulk buy the presents and wrap in a frantic panic on the morning. And I always used to say in the playground "please don't expect a thank you card because I'm not going to do them for ds or dd to sign their name".

Thank you cards for relatives and friends who have bought a present because they remembered and genuinely care for the child are quite another matter and totally obligatory.

octopusinabox · 05/04/2011 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 09:03

onceamai .....a 6 yr old should be able to write their own cards or design something on the pc.

you thank reletives but not friends dont get that or are you just lazy.

Spidermama · 05/04/2011 09:08

With my first child I used to go to all sorts of trouble making hand made cards and forcing her to thank every bugger. It was a realy chore for her which takes the gloss off the lovely birthday after glow.

Now on my fourth child I never bother.

Sometimes other parents give out a photocopied 'Dear guest - thanks for the present' and I just think it's a ridiculous waste of time.

Quaint. Of an era. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Spidermama · 05/04/2011 09:09

I think relatives who've chosen nice presents prefer a phone call and chat than a card.

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 09:10

A chore to say thank.......................good values.

Spidermama · 05/04/2011 09:19

Not a chore to say 'thank you'. A chore to force children to write thank you cards. Very different.

Dancergirl · 05/04/2011 09:56

A thank you text is just eurrghh. How will children learn to write a proper hand-written letter?

It's just laziness not to write a thank you. Yes it can be a pain and a chore but it still has to be done. The way I see it is if it's too much of a chore to write 30 thank you letters, then don't invite so many people!